This is my new advice column. Anyone with a problem that needs a fresh perspective, don’t be afraid to put that bitch in an email with the subject line “Advice” and send it to me at Xxoozero@yahoo.com.
What’s the best way to leave a job for another company that does the same thing without burning the bridge?
Having dirt on fellow co-workers and your boss goes a long way. If you have to, set your boss up with a cheap hooker and get pics. This way, when you fall on your ass and have to come crawling back, you can at least come crawling back with a brown envelope full of sweet, sweet blackmail. Bonus if the hooker is really a man or a donkey.
"I finally slept with the girl I wanted to for a long time but I couldn’t' get it up. How do I get her friends to stop making fun of me?"
Stab them bitches. Just kidding. You’re pretty much fucked now, but there was a way to avoid this entire situation. Every man knows that when your dick goes soft, and it will at least once in your life, it is time to hit the trenches and do some digging with your tongue shovel. Even if it takes hours. Next time, do this and her friends will look at you with shock and awe when they hear the story instead of sadness and pity.
I'm about to graduate from high school as a senior who never attended any school event other than the occasional football game. Everyone is pressuring me into going to this waste of money they call "Prom." My question is: did you go to your Prom, and would do you advise me to do?
I went to my prom… For all of about ten minutes before I realized they weren’t going to serve me drinks and all the god damn titties were covered up. Screw the prom. When you’re my age you won’t remember that shit anyways. Get yourself a keg of beer and some strippers and make some real memories that you won’t remember anyways.
I haven’t had sex in at least 2.5 years. Should I fuck the 16 year old? Signed, Crunchy
Buy a hooker. It is a lot less embarrassing to get caught scrogging a working woman than it is to show up in court on a pedo charge. Bonus: no sex offender status!
Is it ok to fuck a stab wound you gave on your girlfriend? Love, Tom
Sure it is.
How much gay hermaphrodite bestiality porn is too much?
Wow. This is a sick fucking world. Yes, these are actual questions. I couldn’t make up shit like this. To answer the question: wow… just wow.
My girlfriend isn’t paying as much attention to me as she did in the beginning. How can I rekindle her interest?
There are a few ways to do this. One would be to start fucking her friends. Another would be to begin to totally ignore everything she has to say. My personal favorite is to borrow a bunch of money from her and disappear. Studies show that nine out of ten girls love assholes. Hell, I have gotten laid more than once due in no small part to these stupid articles. Score one for immaturity.