Upgrade your browser!

Skip to Content

The Devil's Dictionary

Not funny, but I think they're interesting and cynical. A selection of quotes from "The Devil's Dictionary" by Ambrose Bierce (1842-1914).

1. BACKBITE, v.t.
To speak of a man as you find him when he can't find you.

2. BEAUTY, n.
The power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.

3. BELLADONNA, n.
In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the essential identity of the two tongues.

4. BORE, n.
A person who talks when you wish him to listen.

5. BRIDE, n.
A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.

6. DIPLOMACY, n.
The patriotic art of lying for one's country.

7. FEMALE, n.
One of the opposing, or unfair, sex.

8. GHOST, n.
The outward and visible sign of an inward fear.

9. GRAVE, n.
A place in which the dead are laid to await the coming of the medical student.

10. GUILLOTINE, n.
A machine which makes a Frenchman shrug his shoulders with good reason.

11. HEARSE, n.
Death's baby-carriage.

12. IMPUNITY, n.
Wealth.

13. KILL, v.t.
To create a vacancy without nominating a successor.

14. MISFORTUNE, n.
The kind of fortune that never misses.

15. OUTDO, v.t.
To make an enemy.

16. PEACE, n.
In international affairs, a period of cheating between two periods of fighting.

17. RIOT, n.
A popular entertainment given to the military by innocent bystanders.

18. RUMOR, n.
A favorite weapon of the assassins of character.

19. SAINT, n.
A dead sinner revised and edited.

20. SELFISH, adj.
Devoid of consideration for the selfishness of others.

  • Views: 1228
  • Teen
  • Teen
  • Offensive

Related Media

  • Video:Devil and Shopping
  • Devil and Shopping
  • The poor country pastor was livid when he confronted hi. . .
  • Votes 2.5/5 - Views 36 - Comments 0
  • Video:Devil’s Match
  • Devil’s Match
  • The Devil walks into a crowded bar. Within seconds the . . .
  • Votes 2/5 - Views 44 - Comments 0
  • Video:Robot Devil
  • Robot Devil
  • Recurring character from Futurama.
  • Votes 3.93/5 - Views 1306 - Comments 1

View All



Rate This Joke:
Rate it 0.5 Rate it 1.0 Rate it 1.5 Rate it 2.0 Rate it 2.5 Rate it 3.0 Rate it 3.5 Rate it 4.0 Rate it 4.5 Rate it 5.0

4.08 out of 5 based on 41 votes

Rating Results:
Earn XP by sharing this video!
learn more

Joke URL:

Embedded Link:

Send This Video To A Cell Phone! Digg

4 Comments

Current View: 15 / Show all Comments

reignofarrows : LVL 6: VP 1.5: said:

reignofarrows

2 votes NegativePositive

997 days 14 hours ago...

I like the kill one.

Florescentbunny : LVL 15: VP 2.4: said:

Florescentbunny

3 votes NegativePositive

997 days 9 hours ago...


9. GRAVE, n.
A place in which the dead are laid to await the coming of the medical student.

Before autopsies were considered the norm, doctors and medical students would go dig up freshly dead people and cut em up... it was the only way they could learn hands on.

Greed23 : LVL 2: VP 1.1: said:

Greed23

1 votes NegativePositive

992 days 12 hours ago...

^^^Yep...knew that. . . wow awkward.

slobad : LVL 8: VP 1.7: said:

slobad

2 votes NegativePositive

991 days ago...

my two favorite ones

14. MISFORTUNE, n.
The kind of fortune that never misses.

15. OUTDO, v.t.
To make an enemy

Post a Comment:

Avatar


The Spikedhumor Drawing!Drawing Coming Soon!
Prize
Entry Dates: 9/8/2007-9/14/2009