To all my friends and family
Thank you for making me feel safe, secure,
blessed and wealthy by sending me your chain letters over the past year.
Because of your concern:
I no longer drink anything out of a can because I will get sick from the rat droppings.
I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
I no longer go to movies because I could sit on a needle infected with AIDS.
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could get pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and try to rob me.
I no longer accept packages from UPS or FedEx since they might be Al Quada in disguise.
I no longer get real "hugs" anymore because these pesky little bears keep giving me hugs via the net.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a stupid number for which I will get a phone bill from hell with calls to Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
I no longer look at the opposite sex because they will take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.
I no longer buy expensive cookies from Nieman Marcus since I now have their recipe.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl about to die in the hospital for the 1,000th time.
I no longer have any money but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me since I participated in their special e-mail program.
I want to thank all of you soooooooooo much for looking out for me! Now if you DON'T send this e-mail to at least 12 people in the next 60 seconds, a large bird will crap on your head.