When they ask "How are you today?" Tell them! "I'm
so glad you asked because no one these days seems to
care, and I have all these problems; my arthritis is
acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died..."
If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask
them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the
company name. Then ask them where it is located.
Continue asking them personal questions or questions
about their company for as long as necessary.
Cry out in surprise, "Judy! Is that you? Oh my God!
Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy
a few brief moments of pause as she tries to figure out
where the hell she could know you from.
If MCI calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family
and Friends plan, reply, in as SINISTER a voice as you can,
"I don't have any friends... would you be my friend?"
If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for
bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.
Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask
them if they will give you their HOME phone number so you
can call them back. When the telemarketer explains that they
cannot give out their HOME number, you say "I guess you don't
want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The telemarketer
will agree and you say, "Now you know how I feel!"
Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke.
"Come on Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's ya been?"
Tell them to talk V-E-R-Y V-E-R-Y S-L-O-W-L-Y, because
you want to write down EVERY WORD.
