BULL MARKET—A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET—A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING—The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO—The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER—What my broker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR—Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST—Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT—When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
FINANCIAL PLANNER—A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION—The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW-- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO—What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS—What you jump out of when you’re the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR—Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse.
SHARES- Not something selfish individuals buy.
INDUSTRIAL AVERAGE- The private sector’s answer to public education standards so industrialists won’t feel bad too.
PROFIT—An archaic word no longer in use.
