One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.
Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don`t feel like it, I just want you to hold me."
I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!"
So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads
to hear..."You`re just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman
enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."
She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can`t you just love me
for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?"
Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.
The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went
shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn`t decide which one to take, so I told her we`d just buy them all. She wanted
new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each outfit."
We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she
doesn`t even know how to play tennis.
I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That`s fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let`s go to the cashier."
I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don`t
feel like it."
Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?"
I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You`re just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman."
And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can`t you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"
Apparently I`m not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I`m smarter than her.