"It looks like Hillary Clinton will concede... And, again, I don't think President Bush is familiar with this term. Like he said today, 'How could she concede? She's 60. That's too old to have kids.'" --Jay Leno
"Al Gore for a while was vice president, and he had the book and the film, 'Inconvenient Truth,' which was about climate change. Well, they're turning that 'Inconvenient Truth' into an opera. Al Gore and opera - are you kidding? Cut me a slice of that! Let's go! But they had some trouble and they have postponed the opening of that opera. Apparently, the composer is having trouble finding a rhyme for low emission hybrid." --David Letterman
"An article in USA Today reports that Barack Obama and John McCain have two very different visions of the world. That's what it said. Yeah. Biggest difference is that John McCain's vision makes it impossible for him to drive at night. He's got to go slowly." --Conan O'Brien
"Word is that Hillary will endorse Obama tomorrow around noon. ... Now we'll see if Obama asks her to be vice president or not. ... Meanwhile, some more high-profile support for Obama today. Music legend Bob Dylan, who is maybe the most respected person in all of music, he told the Times of London today that he supports Barack Obama. Or at least they think that's what he said, he may have been trying to book a flight to Omaha." --Jimmy Kimmel
"There's a lot of pressure on Barack Obama to put Hillary on the ticket. Even his advisers are telling him that Hillary can deliver the woman vote. And, of course, Bill can deliver the other woman vote. So between the two of them, that's, you know, that's a lot of women." --Jay Leno
"Well, remember Senator Larry Craig, everybody remember Senator Larry Craig? He's ... written his memoir. Yup. And guess what, he's having a book signing at the Barnes & Noble men's room. So get there" --David Letterman
"A high school in Ohio passed out over 300 diplomas last week. And on the diploma, the word 'education' was spelled wrong. Yeah. Officials say the misprint should not harm the reputation of George W. Bush high school." --Conan O'Brien