Upgrade your browser!

Skip to Content

Universal Truths

1) Triangular sandwiches taste better than square ones.
2) At the end of every party there is always a girl crying.
3) One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger.
4) You've never quite sure whether it's ok to eat green crisps.
5) Everyone who grew up in the 80's has entered the digits 55378008 into a calculator.
6) Reading when you're drunk is horrible.
7) Sharpening a pencil with a knife makes you feel really manly.
8) You're never quite sure whether it's against the law or not to have a fire in your back garden.
10) Nobody ever dares make cup-a-soup in a bowl.
11) You never know where to look when eating a banana.
12) It's impossible to describe the smell of a wet cat.
13) Prodding a fire with a stick makes you feel manly.
14) Rummaging in an overgrown garden will always turn up a bouncy ball.
15) You always feel a bit scared when stroking horses.
16) Everyone always remembers the day a dog ran into your school.
17) The most embarrassing thing you can do as schoolchild is to call your teacher mum or dad.
18) The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity.
19) Some days you see lots of people on crutches.
20) Every bloke has, at some stage, while taking a pee, flushed half way through and then raced against the flush.
21) Old women with mobile phones look wrong!
22) It's impossible to look cool whilst picking up a Frisbee.
23) Driving through a tunnel makes you feel excited.
24) You never ever run out of salt.
25) Old ladies can eat more than you think.
26) You can't respect a man who carries a dog.
27) There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head stuck in something.
28) No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers.
29) Despite constant warning, you have never met anybody who has had their arm broken by a swan.
30) The most painful household incident is wearing socks and stepping on an upturned plug.
31) People who don't drive slam car doors too hard.
32) You've turned into your dad the day you put aside a thin piece of wood specifically to stir paint with.
33) Everyone had an uncle who tried to steal their nose.
34) Bricks are horrible to carry.
35) In every plate of chips there is a bad chip.

  • f0995ter
  • posted by f0995ter
  • Date 1/4/2006 12:34:13 PM
  • Views: 2178
  • All Ages
  • All Ages

Related Media

  • Video:Univac
  • Univac
  • A bit of computer history.
  • Votes 4.48/5 - Views 3011 - Comments 10
  • Video:10 Truths....
  • 10 Truths....
  • 10 TRUTHS BLACK HISPANIC AND ASIAN PEOPLE KNOW, BUT WHI. . .
  • Votes 2.57/5 - Views 430 - Comments 7
  • Video:10 Truths
  • 10 Truths
  • This ........ is funny, if you you politically correct,. . .
  • Votes 3.78/5 - Views 5561 - Comments 30

View All



Rate This Joke:
Rate it 0.5 Rate it 1.0 Rate it 1.5 Rate it 2.0 Rate it 2.5 Rate it 3.0 Rate it 3.5 Rate it 4.0 Rate it 4.5 Rate it 5.0

3.39 out of 5 based on 424 votes

Rating Results:
Earn XP by sharing this video!
learn more

Joke URL:

Embedded Link:

Send This Video To A Cell Phone! Digg

10 Comments

Current View: 15 / Show all Comments

CitizenSnips : LVL 43: VP 5: said:2007 Winner

CitizenSnips

0 votes NegativePositive

1063 days ago...

I like #20.

OmegaZone : LVL 43: VP 5: said:

OmegaZone

0 votes NegativePositive

1063 days ago...

OK, I prefer it single spaced, so I changed it.

davywavybaby (Admin) : LVL 43: VP 5: said:2007 Winner

davywavybaby

0 votes NegativePositive

1062 days 23 hours ago...

True, So True....

JiveTurkey : LVL 33: VP 4.2: said:

JiveTurkey

0 votes NegativePositive

1062 days 18 hours ago...

I like #20 too. Made me laugh.

joker3388 : LVL 43: VP 5: said:

joker3388

0 votes NegativePositive

1062 days 16 hours ago...

to this day, i still do #20

kage_no_shi : LVL 33: VP 4.2: said:

kage_no_shi

0 votes NegativePositive

1062 days 14 hours ago...

What do you know, I was gonna say that about #20 ^_^;;

Why do us guys do it 0_o

asteliapuff39 : LVL 20: VP 2.9: said:

asteliapuff39

0 votes NegativePositive

1061 days 11 hours ago...

I always run out of salt...

John_t1 : LVL 39: VP 4.7: said:

John_t1

0 votes NegativePositive

1059 days 15 hours ago...

So do I...I usually beat #20. #5 is true even today!

jubei : LVL 36: VP 4.4: said:

jubei

0 votes NegativePositive

1055 days 23 hours ago...

that's crazy there are so many of these that are true. lol sweet

XangerX : LVL 24: VP 3.3: said:

XangerX

0 votes NegativePositive

1051 days 10 hours ago...

Seems to be a general agreement on #20. (I still do to this day). #5 gave me a good laugh.

Post a Comment:

Avatar


The Spikedhumor Drawing!Moderators Contest
Prize
Entry Dates: 11/4/2008-12/15/2008