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Chronicles of The Rogue Pirate Ninja

The first part of a short story entitled "The Isle of the Death Dogs". A new part will be posted every week.

There was a slight tinge of salt in the air as Zero made his way down the deserted beach at a dead run. The sweat that was dripping from his short, dark hair mixed with blood as it fell into his deep red eyes, nearly destroying his vision. Clutched in his left hand was a small, quarter sized amulet; in his right a razor sharp katana blade with no handle.

Two feet behind him were five large cyber-genetic dog-like creatures drooling feverishly at the prospect of their upcoming meal. It was a meal they would never taste.

Flash back 26 hours…

The four dark figures standing at the helm of the Dirty Hooker cast no shadows in the midday sun. Only the solitary bottle of rum that was being passed between the men made any natural impact upon the bloodstained planks of the ship. The mood was ominous as they closed in on the dreaded Isle of Dog-Death that loomed just over the horizon. Captain Maddox, a short, heavy-set man approached from the rear.

“None has ever made it off ye dreadful place alive! Ye fools if ye think ye will be the first!”

The tallest of the four spun around with a stealth but harsh quickness.

“I have,” stated the Pirate Ninja known as Womp bluntly to the balding sea captain. He took a long swig of the bitter rum. “Twice.” He stared the short man down with his blood red eyes.

As quickly as he could blink, cold fingers gripped the Captains fat neck. The breath left his body with the suddenness of an afternoon tornado. He struggled to move away but his body lost all will. Fear gripped his very soul.

“If you call us fools again…” said Smerff, the drunkest of the four, “I will make sure you get to know this bottle in the most carnal of ways.”

His grip loosened and the Captain backed off a good ten feet. Even after the hand was removed from his throat he still felt cold. It was as if the devil himself had touched his soul. He stuttered to speak but was cut off suddenly.

“Doc”, said the shortest of the group to the only one left staring intently at the open sea, “Can you see?”

Without breaking his gaze, the Rogue Pirate Ninja answered, “15 on the left side, 17 on the right, 13 in the middle, with 4 wanderers. All dogs.”

“That’s ridiculous, its open sea, and no one can possibly…” the Captain chimed in before letting out a yelp. He quickly grabbed his backside and ran towards the bow of the ship. The four men smiled to each other.

“I told him to shut the fuck up.” Smerff said with a grin as he pulled a full bottle from his dark, weathered knapsack and passed it over to Womp.

“Double the numbers on the far side.” Doc continued. “And they know we are coming.”

  • xxoozero
  • posted by xxoozero
  • Date 5/16/2007 9:40:14 AM
  • Views: 3322
  • All Ages
  • All Ages

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12 Comments

Current View: 15 / Show all Comments

Greed23 : LVL 17: VP 2.6: said:

Greed23

-3 votes NegativePositive

920 days 20 hours ago...

Don't like adverbs but I love captain Maddox.

redlightdistrict : LVL 33: VP 4.2: said:

redlightdistrict

5 votes NegativePositive

920 days 19 hours ago...

not funny. not even a little.

Violetninja420 : LVL 33: VP 4.2: said:

Violetninja420

9 votes NegativePositive

920 days 18 hours ago...

"The first part of a short story entitled "The Isle of the Death Dogs". A new part will be posted every week."

So on top of this, your advice section and your never ending flurry of top nine lists and rants about communists, religion, and those with "sandy vaginas" you pretty much own the entire news/blog section.

Congratulations, you've killed the news section.

R.I.P. Spikednews

fitzy437 : LVL 18: VP 2.7: said:

fitzy437

9 votes NegativePositive

920 days 17 hours ago...

Wow, I'm impressed. You are only two years behind the whole pirate/ninja fad.

Also, your nick and the protagonist are the same. Hero complex? Take a creative writing course, so that these things can be peer edited before you post them.

ibji : LVL 57: VP 5: said:

ibji

6 votes NegativePositive

920 days 16 hours ago...

'cyber' refers to robots, therefore, no drooling

also, no female characters

and all the gay references...

short, heavy-set man approached from the rear

I will make sure you get to know this bottle in the most carnal of ways

He quickly grabbed his backside

The four men smiled to each other

UnrulyAnarchist : LVL 36: VP 4.4: said:

UnrulyAnarchist

7 votes NegativePositive

920 days 10 hours ago...

Guess what, shitty stories don't count as news.

redlightdistrict : LVL 33: VP 4.2: said:

redlightdistrict

6 votes NegativePositive

920 days 7 hours ago...

somebody take away zero's keyboard please for the love of god

Kanthalas : LVL 39: VP 4.7: said:

Kanthalas

7 votes NegativePositive

920 days 2 hours ago...

The spikedhumor users all turn against zero. Its a good day.

drnathanuk : LVL 34: VP 4.2: said:

drnathanuk

6 votes NegativePositive

919 days 22 hours ago...

I agree with UnrulyAnarchist, this isn't news

naruto-san : LVL 17: VP 2.6: said:

naruto-san

7 votes NegativePositive

919 days 17 hours ago...

how do you post news, do you post it as a joke ?

mulletpower19 : LVL 38: VP 4.6: said:

mulletpower19

5 votes NegativePositive

919 days 15 hours ago...

Somebody needs to get a life (that doesn't suck balls). Tell me, does it feel good to write shitty stories and put them in the news section? I hope for your sake it does.

Anyone else think that zero's posting privileges should be revoked?

nova1999 : LVL 40: VP 4.8: said:

nova1999

3 votes NegativePositive

917 days 16 hours ago...

Yeah the advice column was tolerable but this. This is just a badly written short story. Not short enough though.

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Entry Dates: 9/8/2007-9/14/2009