Upgrade your browser!
Skip to Content
Sign-In
Community
Exp Leader Board
Don't have an account? Create one and start earning XP!
Video:
Don`t call yourself by your real name: e.g., The Incredible Jenny Pinchuck, The Amazing Stevie Foster. Don`t call yourself by someone else`s real name: e.g., Super Teddy Kennedy, Captain Dean Martin. Choose a name that suggests power, heroism and prowess: e.g., Captain Power, Thunderman, Mr. Invincible, Justiceman. Don`t be too modest: e.g., Mr. Pretty Good, Captain So-so, Fairly Incredibleman, Captian Invincible on a good day. But don`t labor the point: e.g., Mr. So-Powerful- Don`t-Even-Think-About-It-Buddy. Don`t choose a name detrimental to your crime fighting image: e.g.,Captain Spongecake, Mr. Silly, Yellow Streak, Purple Slippers, Captain Sweetiepie. Don`t choose the name of an existing Superhero unless you have lots of money and enjoy fighting litigation instead of supervillains. It`s no use calling yourself Captain Invincible if your only power is control over Hostess Twinkies and you suffer from a congenial hole-in-the-heart condition. It`s just asking for trouble. Don`t call yourself the Invisible Boy if you`re not. Don`t call yourself the Invisible Boy if you`re a girl. Don`t give away important information in your name, e.g. The Glass Jaw, Captain Vulnerable To Strontium 90. Don`t call yourself The Green Avenger if you wear an orange costume. You`ll confuse people.
A pirate walks into a bar with a ship`s wheel in his pants. The bartender says, "Excuse me, sir, do you know you have a ship`s wheel down the front of your pants?" The pirate replies, "Yarr, it`s driving me nuts!"
A guy spots a sign outside a house that reads "Talking Dog for Sale." Intrigued, he walks in. "So what have you done with your life?" he asks the dog. "I’ve led a very full life," says the dog. "I lived in the Alps rescuing avalanche victims. Then I served my country in Iraq. And now I spend my days reading to the residents of a retirement home." The guy is flabbergasted. He asks the dog’s owner, "Why on earth would you want to get rid of an incredible dog like that?" The owner says, "Because he’s a liar! He never did any of that!"
A 6-year-old and a 4-year-old are upstairs in their bedroom. "You know what?" says the 6-year-old. "I think it`s about time we start cussing." The 4-year-old nods his head in approval. The 6-year-old continues. "When we go downstairs for breakfast I`m going to say hell and you say ass." "OK!" The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm. Their mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6-year-old what he wants for breakfast. "Aw hell, Mom, I guess I`ll have some Cheerios." WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear every step. The mom locks him in his room and shouts "You can just stay there till I let you out!" She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4-year-old, and asks with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast young man? "I don`t know," he blubbers, "But you can bet your ass it won`t be Cheerios!" Two fish are in a tank, one says "I`ll drive, you man the turret!"
An excited man calls the fire department and says, "Help me, my house is on fire!" The fireman says, "Where do you live?" The man replies, "I am too excited, I can`t tell you the exact address." The fireman asks, "How do you expect us to get there?" The man replies, "What do you mean `how`? The big red truck."
A woman walks into a butcher`s shop just before closing time and asks, "Do you have any turkey?" The butcher opens his fridge, takes out his only turkey and puts it onthe weighing scales. It weighs six pounds. The woman looks at the turkey and at the scales and asks, "Do you haveone that`s a bit bigger than this one, please?" The butcher puts the turkey back into the fridge and then takes it out again, but this time when he puts it on the scales he keeps his thumb on the turkey. The scales now show eight pounds "That`s wonderful," says the woman. "I`ll take both of them, please!"
Why did the guru refuse Novocaine when he went to his dentist? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
A wife says to her husband one weekend morning, "We`ve got such a clever dog. He brings in the daily newspapers every morning." Her husband replies, "Well, lots of dogs can do that." The wife responded, "But we`ve never subscribed to any!"
After Quasimodo`s death, the bishop of the cathedral of Notre Dame sent word through the streets of Paris that a new bell ringer was needed. The bishop decided that he would conduct the interviews personally and went up into the belfry to begin the screening process. After observing while several applicants demonstrated their skills, he decided to call it a day. Just then a lone, armless man approached him and announced that he was there to apply for the bell ringer`s job. The bishop was incredulous. "You have no arms!" "No matter," said the man, "observe!" He then began striking the bells with his face, producing a beautiful melody on the carillon. The bishop listened in astonishment, convinced that he had finally found a suitable replacement for Quasimodo. Suddenly, while rushing forward to strike a bell, the armless man tripped and plunged headlong out of the belfry window to his death in the street below. The stunned bishop immediately rushed down the stairways. When he reached the street, a crowd had gathered around the fallen figure, drawn by the beautiful music they had heard only moments before. As they silently parted to let the bishop through, one of them asked, "Bishop, who was this man?" "I don`t know his name," the bishop sadly replied, "But his face sure rings a bell."
A member of the Country Club asked the lifeguard how he might go about teaching a young lady to swim. "It takes considerable time and technique." replied the guard. "First you must take her into the water, then place one arm about her waist, hold her tightly, then take her right arm and raise it very slowly..." "This is certainly most helpful." said the member. "I know that my kid sister will appreciate it." "Your sister?" said the lifeguard. "In that case, just push her into the deep end of the pool. She`ll learn in a hurry." Swimming Lesson
