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Video:

9 Reasons American-Haters Are Idiots

1. Your beer is not better than ours
I hate to be the one to break this to the Germans, but Colorado has better beer. Here is a link to a list of Colorado Breweries.. There should be no more argument on this subject. If so, the rules state there has to be a drink-off. It will be me and some chicks versus some foreign guy and some chicks. Challenger buys.

2. Your chicks may be skinnier, but ours have bigger boobs
Boobs are what matter the most. Don’t let anyone ever tell you otherwise. Although I do agree that Brazil kicks America’s ass when it comes to hot chicks... and European women are much more open about sex... and most foreign women like American dudes while the opposite is true here... wait, there was a point here and I think I broke it...

3. Fuck soccer
Girls play soccer. It’s not called football, it is called soccer. There is a reason the Vince Lombardi trophy is not awarded to the winner of the world cup. Vince was a man who only stood for man stuff, like football and running until you pee blood. Soccer players don’t pee blood. They pee horseradish. I’ve seen it...

4. Red Foreman was an American
So were Thomas Jefferson, The Rock, Hunter S Thompson, and Richard Pryor. Don’t get me wrong, there are cool guys in the rest of the world. Just not as many. What’s that you say? You don’t think The Rock belongs on that list? The Rock wipes a monkey’s ass with what you think. Oh yeah, and we’re taking Sean Connery. I claim him for America. Don’t dispute me. I’ll sick my monkey on you bastards!

5. 90% of the time, your country sucks worse than ours
I always find it funny when some asshole starts yammering on about how America sucks and when you ask him where he lives he says some shit like “France”. France has no room to talk about anyone else. At least the United States doesn’t have rioting going on in the streets and stupid guys named “Pierre” walking around drinking wine and speaking French. Maybe we do, but those guys get their asses kicked here. Unless they are Canadians, in which case it’s best to leave them alone during hockey season.

6. Your leaders don’t stand up to Bush…
We don’t allow dictators to terrorize the rest of the world, so why does the rest of the world stand idly by and allow them to terrorize us? A sarcastic thanks goes out for all the actual help the rest of the world has given us agaisnt Bush. I guess taking out that Hitler guy must have been a freebie or something... speaking of Hitler...

7. WWI and II
We stopped the Germans from taking over the world. TWICE. This earth would be a lot worse of a place if it weren’t for the USA. German beer for all? We already discussed that in the first entry. Shizer porn everywhere? I’ll pass. The rest of the world can go ahead though; America is not here to judge.

8. Freedom
Not everybody has freedom. When someone doesn’t have freedom, they get mad at America for having it. What they don’t know is we get searched by cops for no reason, harassed by airport security at every turn, and lied to by our officials about everything they know. People without freedom: don’t hate America! We don’t have freedom either.

9. In the end, we are all products of the rest of the world anyways...
Only the Native Americans have no roots somewhere in the rest of the world. If anyone should be hating people in this world, it should be the god damn Indians hating the rest of the world for what they sent over here. Look at the mess you people caused over here. It used to be a nice forest. Shame...

• 2.74/5
• 15216
• 163
• 6/17/2007
• by xxoozero

Video:

13 Useless Random Facts

1) In the 1400's a law was set forth that a man was not allowed to beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have "the rule of thumb".

2) Many years ago in Scotland, a new game was invented. It was ruled "Gentlemen Only... Ladies Forbidden"... and thus the word GOLF entered into the English language.

3) Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.

4) It is impossible to lick your elbow.

5) Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.

6) Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king in history:
Spades - King David
Hearts - Charlemagne
Clubs - Alexander, the Great
Diamonds - Julius Caesar

7) 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

8) Question: If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you would find the letter "A"?

Answer: One thousand

9) In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to sleep on. Hence the phrase... "goodnight, sleep tight."

10) It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, which we know today as the honeymoon.

11) In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts... So in old England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them "Mind your pints and quarts, and settle down." It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's"

12) Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle" is the phrase inspired by this practice.

13) I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdgnieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.

• 3.97/5
• 62891
• 121
• 12/10/2006
• by DaVyWaVyBaBy

Video:

Important: SpikedHumor's Moderation

Due to the increasing amount of spam in particular on SpikedHumor, we will no longer be giving out e-mail warnings for such an issue. Spamming will result in instant account deletions and bans.

Spam is considered one of the following:

- Multiple posting (of comments or articles)
- Extremely long, repetitive comments aimed at messing with the article's layout
- Advertising

In other news, due to a lot of e-mail feedback regarding the order of SpikedHumor, flaming other users, bashing nations, and lack of basic civility will result in ONE e-mail warning if you're lucky - after that, you'll be banned.

SpikedHumor supports free speech, but it also supports and expects a certain amount of couth.

We look forward to preventing the garbage that has recently crept its way into SpikedHumor.

, SpikedHumor Staff

• 3.12/5
• 9334
• 116
• 2/3/2006
• by Scienott

Video:

Spiked Site Files Down - ETA: 3 - 4 Hours

As you probably noticed, the majority of content on Spiked is not functioning.

On the positive side, this is because we're moving to a new data center! ETA is 3-4 hours.
This will improve stability for the upcoming Spiked 2.0.

We sincerely apologize for any inconveniences, but we're confident that you'll be pleased with our upgrade.

In the meantime, check out the Forums.

, Spiked Staff

• 3.48/5
• 32435
• 114
• 10/17/2006
• by Scienott

Video:

'We Will Be Able To Live To 1,000'

Life expectancy is increasing in the developed world. But Cambridge University geneticist Aubrey de Grey believes it will soon extend dramatically to 1,000. Here, he explains why.

Ageing is a physical phenomenon happening to our bodies, so at some point in the future, as medicine becomes more and more powerful, we will inevitably be able to address ageing just as effectively as we address many diseases today.

I claim that we are close to that point because of the SENS (Strategies for Engineered Negligible Senescence) project to prevent and cure ageing.

It is not just an idea: it's a very detailed plan to repair all the types of molecular and cellular damage that happen to us over time.

And each method to do this is either already working in a preliminary form (in clinical trials) or is based on technologies that already exist and just need to be combined.

This means that all parts of the project should be fully working in mice within just 10 years and we might take only another 10 years to get them all working in humans.

When we get these therapies, we will no longer all get frail and decrepit and dependent as we get older, and eventually succumb to the innumerable ghastly progressive diseases of old age.

We will still die, of course - from crossing the road carelessly, being bitten by snakes, catching a new flu variant etcetera - but not in the drawn-out way in which most of us die at present.

So, will this happen in time for some people alive today? Probably. Since these therapies repair accumulated damage, they are applicable to people in middle age or older who have a fair amount of that damage.

I think the first person to live to 1,000 might be 60 already.

It is very complicated, because ageing is. There are seven major types of molecular and cellular damage that eventually become bad for us - including cells being lost without replacement and mutations in our chromosomes.

Each of these things is potentially fixable by technology that either already exists or is in active development.

Aubrey de Grey leads the SENS project at Cambridge University and also runs the Methuselah Mouse prize for extending age in mice.

Full Story

• 3.66/5
• 6605
• 108
• 6/25/2006
• by MansaMusa

Video:

9 Reasons Islam Sucks

1. It tries to keep boobies hidden away
I need to see boobies. Without them life pretty much isn’t worth living. If Islam is your religion of choice, you might as well toss in the towel son, the boob train doesn’t stop at your station. Personally, I would not join any religion that can’t promise me many nude women in the very near future.

2. No bacon?
Bacon is the greatest stuff in the world. No food in this universe matches its immense flavor. I have said this before and I will stand by it to my death: never trust a man who doesn’t love bacon. It is the essence all chi derives energy from. Without it, the earth would stop spinning and careen into the sun. We would all die and it would suck.

3. Praying three times a day is annoying
I don’t know about you, but I don’t like having to pray even once ever, forget about three times a day. Most of us don’t have that kind of time. And what happens if you screw up and pray in the wrong direction? (Allah must have a condo in the east) Does the village get to stone you?

4. There was only one Mohammed, and his name was Ali…
I will recognize the existence of no other! If this guy they talk about didn’t knock out George Foreman in the Rumble in the Jungle, then I don’t want to hear how great he was.

5. It doesn’t teach you Kung Fu
If you feel the need to join a religion, make sure it is one that will teach you Kung Fu. Any religion that shows you how to kick ass to protect your inner peace is a good and sensible one. To be clear, strapping a bomb to yourself and blowing people up is not Kung Fu.

6. It doesn’t recognize the greatness of Captain America
This is a problem with a lot of religions out there; they hate freedom. Steve Rogers stood for everything that was good about the human character. (Stuff like killing Nazis, drinking milk, and killing more Nazis) He beat down the Hulk on many occasions. There is no debate here: he is a god if there ever was one.

7. Muslims do not make a good dark ale
They don’t even make a decent cheap Pilsner. When I see stuff like that from people it makes me wonder what the hell they are doing with their time. Not making beer… that’s for sure. I, for one, am just not sure I could live in a society that does not spend a decent allotment of time creating quality beer. It’s just not how things should work.

8. A Muslim guy Jewed me once…
There are so many things wrong with that statement. I have indeed taken things too far this time. No amount of explaining can atone for that sentence. It describes itself, and some may believe the author as well. Before you even think it, I will admit to being a dirty racist bastard for even thinking number 8 up and go about my business with number 9…

9. It lies about the virgin thing…
And even if it doesn’t, what the fuck are you going to do with 72 virgins anyways? I would rather have 72 whores who know how to ride the cock. Besides, you would be dead by that time, so it wouldn’t matter anyways. If they could offer such a deal without the death part, they would sell a lot more tickets to Mecca.


Note to Muslim people: I don’t hate your religion any more or less than I hate all the religions in this world. Except, of course, Buddhism and the good folks who practice Voodoo and Santeria.

• 3.74/5
• 14051
• 103
• 6/8/2007
• by xxoozero

Video:

SpikedHumor Wants Your Feedback

We figured it was time to request your much-appreciated feedback.

What do you think makes SpikedHumor great and what makes it suck?

If you would like to participate, go to the comments section below and post your top 5 favorite things about SpikedHumor.com and also post your top 5 least favorite things.

We will take all feedback into consideration over the next week and plan for some new development thereafter.

The more feedback we get, the better off SpikedHumor.com will be, so don't be shy. Speak your mind.

On that note, let's keep this constructive, on topic, and civil... please and thank you.

, Spiked Staff

• 4.12/5
• 6818
• 103
• 7/25/2007
• by Scienott

Video:

SpikedHumor User Demographics 8.19.06

Here are some quick stats on the who's and where's of the 82,000+ users of SpikedHumor.

Nationality:
The US alone attains 44.9979% of the SpikedHumor member population with an astounding 37337 users while the UK is straggling behind at 6260 with Canada trailing by 320 users. Interesting enough we have 556 users from Afghanistan and 25 from Iraq, and 1 lone user from a country known as Nauru. Any requests for countries can be put in the comments.

Occupation:
Who wouldn't guess that the top occupation for the users of Spiked would be College students? It makes the top with 11602 users with Other behind it at 5017. We have very few real professions within the SpikedHumor community, with the first one peaking at 2231, but who considers Art a profession. Kidding!

Age:
Take a guess now to as which age is the most common. Ok, what is the winning age group? 21-25 is the favored age group with 21625 users, but don't feel bad if you picked 18-20 because they follow close behind with 19833. Also in this group we will find that we have a couple seniors. 680 of our dedicated Spiked users are 60+.

Gender:
Where is the competition in this one? Males have almost 50,000 users more than females, however, 20% of SpikedHumor's population decided not to answer this question!

Until next time we have: 82946 users at Spiked and it gets larger by every hour!

• 4.07/5
• 6817
• 95
• 8/19/2006
• by Pr0n

Video:

Burger House Introduces 8,000 Calorie Burger

In an unprecedented show of providing more ways for people to get fat, the Heart Attack Grill of Tempe, Arizona, has unleashed it's whopping 8,000-calorie burger. Appropriately, the beast is named "The Quadruple Bypass Burger."

The gigantic burger is comprised of four slabs of dead cow, weighing in at 2 lbs, along with three layers of cheese and bacon rashers. In order to show that they still care about your health, the burger's creators also added a nice layer of lettuce and tomato.

It may seem a little disturbing that a person would try to eat such a burger, but a spokesman for the restaurant was quite confident that the monstrous sandwich would find some tough customers; "You have to be a real man to dine here," he stated.

For those with more dainty and refined tastes, it's reported that a smaller burger, "The Triple Bypass", along with "Flatliner" fries are available. The restaurant is also equipped with wheelchairs should anyone need to be carted out after a meal.

Source

What Is "Shout It"?: "Shout It" is a feature of related social news site ShoutWire.com, where you control the news. By registering an account with ShoutWire you can post, promote, and discuss news and entertainment that is important to you. If you like the story, simply shout it so more people can see and discuss it around the web. Sign up here to try it out.

• 3.81/5
• 32009
• 93
• 11/13/2006
• by dockwats

Video:

Spiked 2.0 Beta Is Here!

We know you've been itching to see the SpikedHumor 2.0 beta, so here it is!

Our extra-talented coders and graphic designer had a go at creating a modern Spiked for you and I and the results are sick... and by sick I mean Godlike. An entertainment site cannot get anymore kick-ass than Spiked 2.0!

• Tagging - Allows us to better organize and find the content you're looking for
• Recommended videos - We will now be able to recommend videos based on tags
• Improved searching utilizing tagging and more advanded search options
• Favorites - You can now add content you like to a favorites section for easy access and sharing
• Featured content section - This new homepage section will show off our top content in a cool way
• Improved comment ratings - We're taking the comment ratings to the next step with a more visual approach
• New site design - Many of our features and pages are being redesigned for a more enjoyable experience
• Member profiles - Members will be able to view other members' profiles

• 3.4/5
• 6677
• 83
• 1/5/2007
• by Scienott