Video:
In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a young wife by the name of Dot. And Dot Com was a comely woman, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she was named Amazon Dot Com.
And she said unto Abraham, her husband, "Why dost thou travel far from town to town with thy goods when thou canst trade without ever leaving thy tent?"
And Abraham did look at her as though she were several saddle bags short of a camel load, but simply said, "How, dear?" And Dot replied, "I will place drums in all the towns and drums in between to send messages saying what you have for sale and they will reply telling you which hath the best price. And the sale can be made on the drums and the goods can be delivered by Uriah's Pony Stable (UPS)."
Abraham thought long and decided he would let Dot have her way with the drums. And the drums rang out and were a wondrous happening. Abraham sold all the goods he had at the top price, without ever moving from his tent.
But this success did arouse envy. A man named Maccabia did secrete himself inside Abraham's drum and was accused of insider trading. And the young man did take to Dot Com's trading as doth the greedy horsefly take to camel dung. He was called a Nomadic Ecclesiastical Rich Dominant Siderite, or NERD for short.
And lo, the land was so feverish with joy at the new riches and the deafening sound of drums that no one noticed that the real riches were going to the drum maker, one Brother William of Gates, who bought up every drum company in the land. And indeed did insist on making drums that would work only with Brother Gates' drumheads and drumsticks.
And Dot did say, "Oh, Abraham, what we have started is being taken over by others."
And as Abraham looked out over the Bay of Ezekiel, or as it came to be known "eBay" he said, "We need a name that reflects what we are."
And Dot replied, "Young Ambitious Hebrew Owner Operators."
"YAHOO," said Abraham.
And that is how it all began.
Video:
Can anyone help with this software problem my friend is experiencing?
Eighteen months ago he upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from Drinking Mates 4.2 which he'd used for years without any trouble. However, there are apparently conflicts between these two products and the only solution was to try and run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off.
To make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is also incompatible with several other applications, such as Lads Night Out 3.1, Football 2 and Playboy 6.1. Successive versions of Girlfriend proved no better. A shareware beta-program, Party Girl 2.1 had many bugs and left a virus in his system, forcing him to shut down completely for several weeks. Eventually he tried to run Girlfriend 1.2 and Girlfriend 1.0 at the same time, only to discover that when these two systems detected each other they caused severe damage to all his hardware.
Sensing a way out, he upgraded to Fiancée 1.0 only to discover that this product has to be upgraded to Wife 1.0. He did this largely because, whilst Wife 1.0 uses up all available resources, it does come bundled with FreeSex Plus and Cleanhouse 2000. However my friend discovered that Wife 1.0 can be very unstable and costly to run. For example, any mistakes he made were automatically stored in Wife 1.0's memory and could not be deleted, they then resurfaced months later. Wife 1.0 also has an automatic Diary Explorer and E-mail porn filter, and can, without warning, launch Photostrop and Whingezip. These latter products have no helpfiles and he has to try and guess the problem himself.
Additional costly problems are that the Wife 1.0 bundle that came with the original system needs updating regularly, requiring Shoe Shop Browser Pro for new attachments and Hairstyle Express needs to be reinstalled every other week. It also conflicted with some of the new games he wanted to try, stating that they are an illegal operation. When Wife 1.0 attaches itself to his Audi TT programme it often crashes or runs the system dry. Wife 1.0 also has a rather annoying pop-up called Mother-in-Law, which can't be turned off.
Recently he's been tempted to try Mistress 2000, but there could be problems, if Wife 1.0 detects the presence of Mistress 2000 it will delete all MS Money files before un-installing itself.
Tough one? Any suggestions???
Video:
(Translated From Swedish)
1 In Quake there is pentagram of protection, at home there's just a lockable toilet.
2 Quake is always home waiting for you.
3 You don't need to buy flowers to play with Quake.
4 Quake gets better all the time.
5 Quake is happy when you come home with a new graphics card.
6 Quake doesn't get upset when you play Warcraft II to get a little variety in your life.
7 Quake never says that you have to clean the house.
8 You can play with Quake every days of the month.
9 There is Config option in Quake.
10 Quake doesn't put the toilet seat down, or demand that you do it too.
11 Quake comes with a readme-file that explains the most important things.
12 Quake has phone-support.
13 Quake let you have the bathroom-closet all for yourself.
14 Quake doesn't snore and kick you when you are sleeping.
15 Quake doesn't steal your blanket when you are sleeping.
16 There's an escape button in Quake.
17 Quake doesn't overwrite your Metallica videos with Melrose Place.
18 Quake doesn't come with its mother.
19 Quake never put fingerprints on your CDs.
20 Quake looks the same on sunday morning as it did saturday morning.
21 Quake doesn't come home at three o'clock in the night and begging for love.
22 Quake never smell like a horse. (It really sound stupid on english :))
23 Quake takes very little space.
24 You can turn the sound off in Quake.
25 In Quake you can select the sensitivity of the interface in Quake.
Video:
DOS Airlines:
Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then jumps on and lets the plane coast until it hits the ground again, then push again, jump on again and so on and so on.
MAC Airlines:
All the stewards, stewardesses, captains, baggage handlers and ticket agents look the same, act the same and talk the same. Every time you ask questions about details, you are told you don't need to know, don't want to know, and everything will be done without you even having to know so just shut up.
OS/2 Airlines
To board the plane, you have your ticket stamped 10 different times by standing in 10 different lines. Then you fill out a form showing where you want to sit and whether if should look and feel like an ocean liner, a passenger train or a bus. If you succeed in getting on board the plane and the plane succeeds in getting off the ground, you have a wonderful trip ...except times when the rudder and flaps get frozen in position, in which case you have time to say your prayers and get yourself prepared for the crash.
WINDOWS Airlines:
The terminal is nice and colorful, with friendly stewards and stewardesses, easy access to the plane and an uneventful takeoff. Then the plane blows up without any warning whatsoever.
WINDOWS NT Airlines:
Everyone marches out on the runway, says the password in unison and forms the outline of a plane. Then they all sit down and make a whooshing noise like a plane.
Windows95 Airlines:
The captain has been announcing boarding plans for about a year and as soon as it's ready you'll be told where you are going. In the meantime you can stand at the window and crane your neck with reporters from every magazine on the continent.
UNIX Airlines:
Everyone brings one piece of the airplane with them when they come to the airport. They all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece by piece, arguing constantly about what kind of plane they are building.
