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Video:

Lil' Johnny And Politics

Lil' Johnny goes to his dad and asks, "What is politics?" Dad says, "Well son, let me try to explain it this way. I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Mommy is the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you The People. The nanny, well, consider her The Working Class. Your baby brother, we'll call him The Future. Now go think about this and see if it makes sense."

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying and runs to his room only to find that his diapers are very soiled. So the little boy goes to his parents' room. Mom is sound asleep.

Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he looks through the peephole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand what politics is now."

"Good son, tell me in your own words then what politics are."

The little boy replies, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit."

• 3.23/5
• 6462
• 30
• 7/16/2006
• by John_T1

Video:

Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin Killed By Stingray

BRISBANE, Australia - Steve Irwin, the hugely popular Australian television personality and environmentalist known as the "Crocodile Hunter," was killed Monday by a stingray during a diving expedition, Australian media said. He was 44.

Irwin was filming an underwater documentary on the Great Barrier Reef in northeastern Queensland state when the accident occurred, Sydney's The Daily Telegraph newspaper reported on its Web site.

The Australian Broadcasting Corp. said Irwin was diving near Low Isles Reef near the resort town of Port Douglas, about 1,260 miles north of the state capital of Brisbane.

Queensland ambulance service spokesman Bob Hamil confirmed that a diver had been killed by a stingray off Lowe Isles Reef but refused to say who the victim was until relatives had been notified.

A rescue helicopter was sent from the nearby city of Cairns, and paramedics from it confirmed the diver's death.

"The probable cause of death is stingray strike to the chest," Hamil said.

Staff at Australia Zoo, Irwin's zoo in southern Queensland, said they had heard the reports but could not comment.

Irwin is famous for his enthusiasm for wildlife and his catchcry "Crikey!" in his television program "Crocodile Hunter," which was first broadcast in Australia in 1992 and has aired around the world on the Discovery channel.

He rode his image into a feature film, and developed the Australia Zoo as a tourist attraction.

Irwin had received some negative publicity in recent years. In January 2004, he stunned onlookers at the Australia Zoo reptile park by carrying his 1-year-old son into a crocodile pen during a wildlife show. He tucked the infant under one arm while tossing the 13-foot reptile a piece of meat with the other.

Authorities declined to charge Irwin for violating safety regulations.

Later that year, he was accused of getting too close to penguins, a seal and humpback whales in Antarctica while making a documentary. Irwin denied any wrongdoing, and an Australian Environment Department investigation recommended no action be taken.

Irwin was also seen as a vocal critic of wildlife hunts in Australia. The federal government recently dropped plans to allow crocodile safaris for wealthy tourists in the Northern Territory following his vehement objections.

Irwin told the Australian television program "A Current Affair" that "killing one of our beautiful animals in the name of trophy hunting will have a very negative impact on tourism, which scares the living daylights out of me."

He is survived by his American wife Terri, from Oregon, and their daughter Bindi Sue, 8, and son Bob, who will turn 3 in December.

• 3.77/5
• 4598
• 17
• 9/3/2006
• by tjokc

Video:

A Kid's View of President Bush

President Bush visits a primary school classroom. They are in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asks President Bush if he would like to lead the discussion of the word' tragedy.'

So the president asks the class for an example of a tragedy.

One little boy stands up and offers: "If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a tractor runs him over and kills him that would be a 'tragedy'."

"No," says President Bush, "that would be an accident." A little girl raises her hand.

"If a school bus carrying 50 children drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy."

"I'm afraid not," explains President Bush. "That's what we would call a 'great loss'."

The room goes silent. No other children volunteered. Bush searches the room.

"Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?"

Finally, at the back of the room a small boy raises his hand. In a quiet voice, he says: "If Air Force One carrying you, Mr. President, were struck by a 'friendly fire' missile and blown to smithereens, that would be a' tragedy'."

"Fantastic!" exclaims President Bush. "That's right. And can you tell me why that would be a 'tragedy'?"

"Well," says the boy, "because it certainly wouldn't be a 'great loss', and it probably wouldn't be an 'accident' either".

• 3.18/5
• 4318
• 17
• 12/1/2005
• by Scienott

Video:

Little Johnny's Big Answer

It is near the end of the school year.The teacher has turned in the grades so there's nothing much more to do.The children are restless because of this.

Teacher, "Whoever answers the questions I ask first will get to leave early today."

Little Johnny says to himself, "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question."

Teacher: "Who said 'four score and seven years ago?'"

Before Little Johnny can answer, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."

Teacher, "That is right Susie, you can go home now."

Johnny is mad Susie answered the question first.

Teacher: "Who said 'I have a dream?'"

Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King Jr."

Teacher: "Thats right Mary, you can go home now."

Johnny is even madder then before.

Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not what your country can do for you?'"

Before Johnny can answer, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."

Teacher: "Thats right Nancy, you can go home now."

Now Johnny is boiling mad and before the teacher can ask the next question, Johnny says, "I wish these bitches would keep their mouth shut!"

The teacher asks, "Who said that?"

"Bill Clinton, can I go home now?"

• 4.22/5
• 4189
• 9
• 5/23/2006
• by dtcruiser

Video:

Saddam's Army

One day, Saddam Hussein was leading his army of over 10,000 well trained folowers through the desert. Soon, Saddam heard a shout from over a small hill.

"One US Marine is better than TEN Iraqis!!"

This infuriated Saddam, so he took the 10 most skilled of his followers, with all the finest equipment he had, and told his men to charge over the hill. There were a few minutes of intense fighting, then all was quiet. then another call was heard

"One US Marine is better than ONE HUNDRED Iraqis!"

This PERSONALLY offended Saddam, so he took 100 of his best men, with the best equipment he had, and told them to charge over the hill. There was an hour or so of intense fighting, and then there was silence. Saddam then heard another shout.

"One US Marine is better than 1000 Iraqis!!"

Saddam was now very angry, and sent the best 1000 men, fully equipped, over the hill. There were 5 hours of intense fighting. The sound of explosions and gunfire was relentless. But soon, there was silence. Then a final shout was heard.

"One US Marine is better than TEN THOUSAND Iraqis!

Saddam was now determined to destroy the man who dared defy him. He sent his entire force of 10,000 men, supported by mortars, tanks, choppers, RPG's, and heavy machine guns over the hill. The fighting was intense, there were explosions everywhere, and the screams of the injured and dying could scarcely be heard over the roar of the battle. The next morning there was finaly silence. Then, the last Iraqi alive, mortally wounded, crawled inch by inch, over the hill. His last words were...

"Wait! dont send any more troops! It was a trap...THERE WERE TWO!"

• 3.9/5
• 3945
• 22
• 5/4/2006
• by moeisking101

Video:

Genie In A Bottle

A woman rubbed a bottle and out popped a genie. The amazed woman Asked if she got three wishes. The genie said, "Nope, sorry, three-wish genies are a storybook myth. I'm a one-wish genie. So... what'll it be?"

The woman did not hesitate. She said, "I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other and I want all the Arabs to love the Jews and Americans and vice-versa. It will bring about world peace and harmony."

The genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Lady, be reasonable. These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm out of shape after being in a bottle for five hundred years.. I'm good but not THAT good! I don't think it can be done. Make another wish and please be reasonable."

The woman thought for a minute and said, "Well, I've never been able to find the right man. You know - one that's considerate and fun, romantic, likes to cook and help with the house cleaning, is good in bed, and gets along with my family, doesn't watch sports all the time, and is faithful. That is what I wish for...a good man."

The genie let out a sigh and said, "Let me see the fucking map again."

• 3.54/5
• 3676
• 8
• 9/7/2006
• by B_Drake

Video:

An Open Letter to Dr. Laura Schlessinger

Dr Laura Schlessinger is a US radio personality who dispenses advice to people who call in to her radio show. In one of her shows, she said that homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance. The following is an open letter to Dr. Laura penned by a US resident, which was posted on the Internet following that broadcast.

Dear Dr. Laura,

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that (Leviticus 18:22) clearly states it to be an abomination.

End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the other specific laws and how to follow them.

1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev.1:9). The problem is my neighbours. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in (Exodus 21:7). In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev.15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. (Lev. 25:44) states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. (Exodus 35:2) clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination (Lev. 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

7. (Lev. 21:20) States that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by (Lev.19:27). How should they die?

9. I know from (Lev.11:6-8) that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates (Lev. 19:19) by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev.24:10-16) Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted fan, Jim

• 3.06/5
• 3502
• 9
• 10/5/2005
• by ZaWolven

Video:

George Bush Visits The Queen of England.

George Bush is visiting the Queen of England. He asks her, "Your Majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give me?" "Well," says the Queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."

Bush frowns. "But how do I know the people around me are really intelligent?" The Queen takes a sip of tea. "Oh, that's easy. You just ask them to answer an intelligence riddle." The Queen pushes a button on her intercom. "Please send The Prime Minister in here, would you?" Tony Blair walks into the room. "Your Majesty..." The Queen smiles. "Answer me this, please, Tony. Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister.

Who is it?" Without pausing for a moment, Blair answers, "That would be me!" "Yes! Very good!" says the Queen. Back at the White House, Bush calls in his vice president, Dick Cheney. "Dick, answer this for me. Your mother and your father have a child. It's not your brother and it's not your sister. Who is it?" "I'm not sure," says the vice president. "Let me get back to you on that one."

Dick Cheney goes to his advisers and asks every one, but none can give him an answer. Finally, he ends up in the men's room and recognizes Colin Powell's shoes in the next stall. Dick shouts, "Colin! Can you answer this for me? Your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. Who is it?" Colin Powell yells back, "That's easy. It's me!" Dick Cheney smiles. "Thanks!" Cheney goes back to the Oval Office and asks to speak with Bush. "Say, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It's Colin Powell." Bush gets up, stomps over to Dick Cheney, and angrily yells into his face, "No, you idiot! It's Tony Blair!"

• 3.75/5
• 3489
• 17
• 12/14/2005
• by NikNak

Video:

Bush Answering Kid's Question

After giving a speech at an elementary school, President Bush allows the kids to ask a few questions.

One little boy, Billy, gathers the courage to raise his hand and asks, “How come you invaded Iraq without the support of the U.N.?”

Just as Bush begins to answer, the recess bell rings and he says they’ll continue afterward. Half an hour later the kids come back inside. “Where were we?” says George.

“Oh, yes - does anyone want to ask me anything?” A different boy raises his hand and says, “I have three questions:

First, why did you invade Iraq without support from the U.N.?

Why did the recess bell go off 20 minutes early?

And third, where the heck is Billy?”

• 3.51/5
• 3457
• 16
• 6/29/2006
• by da_fireman19

Video:

British Hospitality

An American tourist visits the UK on his holiday. He hits one of the pubs and after downing a few pints he decides to leave. After leaving he realises he really needs to take a leak, so he decides to do it in the alley. A cop passess by and sees him and says, "Sir, you are not allowed to do that here."

The toursit replys, "But I really need to go and can't find any public bathrooms any where close."

The cop says, "Follow me sir"

The cop takes him to an alley and opens a door and say, "Do it anywhere here."

As the tourist walks in he sees a beautiful garden with fountains and lots of trees. So after releasing his burden, the tourist asks the cop, "Is this part of your British hospitality?"

The cop replys, "Not really, this is the French Embassy."

• 3.44/5
• 3444
• 10
• 1/20/2006
• by marvos