Upgrade your browser!
Skip to Content
Sign-In
Community
Exp Leader Board
Don't have an account? Create one and start earning XP!
Video:
A man receives a free ticket to the Super Bowl from his company. Unfortunately, when he arrives at the stadium he realizes the seat is in the last row in the corner of the stadium-he is closer to the Goodyear Blimp than the field.
About halfway through the first quarter he notices an empty seat 10 rows off the field right on the 50 yard line. He decides to take a chance and makes his way through the stadium and around the security guards to the empty seat. As he sits down, he asks the gentleman sitting next to him, "Excuse me, is anyone sitting here?"
The man replies negatively. Now, very excited to be in such a great seat for the game, he again inquires of the man next to him, "This is incredible! Who in their right mind would have a seat like this at the Super Bowl and not use it?"
The man replies, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we haven't been together at since we got married in 1967."
"Well, that's terribly sad. But still, couldn't you find someone to take the seat? A relative or close friend?"
"No," the man replied, "they're all at the funeral."
Two boys are playing hockey on a pond in a park in Toronto, when one is attacked by a rabid Rottweiler. Thinking quickly, the other boy takes his stick, wedges it down the dogs collar and twists, breaking the dog's neck...
A reporter strolling by sees the incident and rushes over to interview the boy. "Young Leafs Fan Saves Friend from Vicious Animal," he starts writing in his notebook.
"But I'm not a Leafs fan," the little hero replied.
"Sorry, since we are in Toronto, I just assumed you were," said the reporter and starts again. "Little Jays Fan Rescues Friend from Horrific Attack," he continued writing in his notebook.
"I'm not a Jays fan either," the boy said.
"I assumed everyone in Toronto was either a Leafs or Jays fan. What team do you root for?" the reporter asked.
"I'm a Montreal Canadiens fan," the child said.
The reporter starts a new sheet in his notebook and writes, "Little French Bastard from Montreal Kills Beloved Family Pet."
An Ohio State fan, a Michigan fan, and a Nebraska fan were walking along the beach, when they came across a magic genie.
The magic genie said he would grant them each one wish. The Nebraska fan said that his father was a farmer, he was a farmer, and his son would farm, so he wished that the land would be forever fertile in Nebraska.
The genie promptly granted his wish. The Ohio State fan was impressed with this, and then wished for a wall to completely surround the state of Ohio so that no Wolverine fan could ever get inside.
The Genie granted his wish. Then, the Michigan fan said, "Tell me more about this wall."
The genie answered "It is 150 ft high, and 50 ft wide, and nothing can get in or out of it."
So the Michigan fan replied, "Fill it up with water!"
Members of a health club were having their first meeting.
The director of the group said, "Now, I'd like each of you to give the facts of your daily routine.
Several people spoke, admitting their excesses, and then one obviously overweight member said, "I eat moderately, I drink moderately, and I exercise frequently.
"Hmm?" aid the director. "And are you sure you have nothing else to add?"
"Well, yes," said the member. "I lie extensively."
The Department of Wildlife &Fisheries advises American golfers to take extra precautions against bears, while playing on golf courses in Wyoming and Montana National Forests.
They advise golfers to wear noise-producing devices, such as little bells on their clothing to alert, but not startle, the bears unexpectedly. They also advise you to carry pepper spray in case of an encounter with a bear.
It is also a good idea to watch for signs of bear activity. For example, golfers should be able to recognize the difference between Black Bear and Grizzly Bear droppings on the golf course.
Black Bear droppings are smaller, and contain berries and possibly squirrel fur. Grizzly Bear droppings have bells in them and smell like pepper spray.
A woman goes to the local newspaper office to see that the obituary for her recently deceased husband is published.
The obit editor informs her that there is a charge of 50 cents per word. She pauses, reflects, and then she says, "Well then, let it read, "Fred Brown died.
" Amused at the woman's thrift, the editor tells her that there is a seven-word minimum for all obituaries.
She thinks it over and in a few seconds says, "In that case, let it read, "Fred Brown died: golf clubs for sale."
A certain young man started a new job in a city. He would drive every day to work, as would most of his collegues. The drive was a long one - he had to get into the city through a very congested road tunnel, and it didn't take long for before he had decied to start a ridesharing initiative with his collegues. But within a week of starting it, he found with severe pains in his wrists.
They seemed to happen while he was driving through the tunnel - he was fine outside the tunnel - but because the tunnel was so busy, they often had to spend some time in there, and it was quite a painful experience for the young man. He saw a doctor the following weekend, and he was told that he had a problem that is quite common nowadays: carpool tunnel syndrome
A recent Scottish immigrant attends his first baseball game in his new country, and after a base hit he hears the fans roaring, "Run....run!"
The next batter connects heavily with the ball and the Scotsman stands up and roars with the crowd in his thick accent, "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-run will ya!"
A third batter slams a hit and again the Scotsman, obviously pleased with his knowledge of the game, screams, "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-r-run will ya!"
The next batter holds his swing at three and two and as the ump calls a walk. The Scotsman stands up yelling: "R-r-run ya Bahstard, r-r-run!"
All the surrounding fans chuckle quietly and he sits down confused. A friendly fan, sensing his embarrassment whispers, "He doesn't have to run, he got four balls."
The Scotsman yells even louder, "Walk with pr-r-ride man! Walk with pr-r-ride!"
A father and son went hunting together for the first time. The father said, “Stay here and be VERY QUIET. I'll be across the field."
A few minutes later the father heard a blood curdling scream and ran back to his son asking "What's wrong? I told you to be quiet."
The son answered, "Look, I was quiet when the snake slithered across my feet. I was quiet when the bear breathed down my neck. But when the two chipmunks crawled up my pant legs and said 'Should we eat them here or take them with us?' I panicked!"
