Video:
THEY SAY: YOU GET THIS ONE, NEXT ROUND IS ON ME.
THEY REALLY MEAN: We won't be here long enough to get another round.
THEY SAY: I'LL GET THIS ONE, NEXT ONE IS ON YOU.
THEY REALLY MEAN: Happy hour is about to end AND beers are now a dollar, but by the next round
they'll be $4.50 a pop.
THEY SAY: HEY, WHERE IS THAT FRIEND OF YOURS?
THEY REALLY MEAN: I have no interest in talking to you except as a way to get your attractive friend into
a compromising position.
THEY SAY: WHAT DO YOU HAVE ON TAP?
THEY REALLY MEAN: What's cheap?
THEY SAY (female): I'LL HAVE A GLASS OF HOUSE WHITE.
THEY REALLY MEAN: I'm easy.
THEY SAY (male): I'LL HAVE A GLASS OF HOUSE WHITE.
THEY REALLY MEAN: I'm gay.
THEY SAY (female): I'LL HAVE A WHITE RUSSIAN.
THEY REALLY MEAN: I'm really easy.
THEY SAY (male): I'LL HAVE A WHITE RUSSIAN.
THEY REALLY MEAN: I'm really gay.
THEY SAY: DO YOU HAVE ANY SAMBUCA?
THEY REALLY MEAN: I want to make my friend really sick so we can all laugh at him in the morning.
THEY SAY (male to female): EVER TRY A BODY SHOT?
THEY REALLY MEAN: I am even willing to drink tequila if it means that I get to lick you.
THEY SAY (female to male): EVER TRY A BODY SHOT?
THEY REALLY MEAN: If this is how wild I am in the bar, can you imagine what I'll do to you in bed?
THEY SAY (female): CAN I JUST GET A GLASS OF WATER?
THEY REALLY MEAN: I am really annoying, but cute enough to get away with this.
THEY SAY (male): CAN I JUST GET A GLASS OF WATER?
THEY REALLY MEAN: It's 6:00 am and I just stopped drinking ½ hour ago. Hell, I probably spent half my
paycheck in here last night, it's the least you can do for me.
THEY SAY (female): I DON'T FEEL WELL, LET'S GO HOME.
THEY REALLY MEAN: You're paying more attention to your friends than to me.
THEY SAY (male): I DON'T FEEL WELL, LET'S GO HOME.
THEYREALLY MEAN: I'm horny.
THEY SAY: WHO'S GOT THE NEXT ROUND?
THEY REALLY MEAN: I haven't bought a round in almost 3 years, but I am an expert at diverting attention.
THEY SAY (male to male): EXCUSE ME.
THEY REALLY MEAN: Get the hell out of the way.
THEY SAY (male to female): EXCUSE ME.
THEY REALLY MEAN: I am going to grope you now and blame it on the crowd.
THEY SAY (female to male): EXCUSE ME.
THEY REALLY MEAN: Don't even think about groping me, just get the hell out of my way.
THEY SAY (female to female): EXCUSE ME.
THEY REALLY MEAN: Move your fat ass. Who do you think you are anyway? You're certainly not all that,
missy, coming in here dressed like a ho... And get your eyes off of my man, or I'll slap you like the slut you
are, bitch.
THEY SAY: THAT PERSON LOOKS REALLY FAMILIAR.
THEY REALLY MEAN: Did I sleep with him/her?
THEY SAY (female): I DON'T HAVE MY I.D. ON ME.
THEY REALLY MEAN: I'm 16.
THEY SAY (MALE): I DON'T HAVE MY ID ON ME.
THEY REALLY MEAN: I don't have a license since I got pulled over and blew a .4 after my last visit here.
THEY SAY: NO, REALLY, I'M OK TO DRIVE.
THEY REALLY MEAN: I'm wasted, and I am too embarrassed to have anybody see who I am going home
with.
THEY SAY: I'M NOT USED TO THESE DARTS.
THEY REALLY MEAN: I'm can't throw anything smaller than a pool cue when I am this bombed.
THEY SAY (male to female): LET'S GO OUT TO MY CAR AND GET SOME CIGARETTES.
THEY REALLY MEAN: You would look great face down in my lap.
THEY SAY: I'VE HAD LIKE 10 BEERS ALREADY.
THEY REALLY MEAN: I've only had 3 but need an excuse to behave this way.
THEY SAY: YOU GO AHEAD, I'LL CATCH A CAB.
THEY REALLY MEAN: I already lined up a ride home with your ex!
Video:
SYMPTOM: Beer is crystal-clear.
FAULT: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
ACTION: Punch him...
SYMPTOM: Don't recognize anyone, don't recognize the room you're in.
FAULT: You've wandered into the wrong party.
ACTION: See if they have free beer.
SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.
SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
FAULT: Improper bladder control.
ACTION: Stand next to nearest dog, complain about house training. Demand beer.
SYMPTOM: Beer unusually pale and tasteless.
FAULT: Glass empty.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.
SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
FAULT: You have fallen over backward.
ACTION: Have yourself chained to bar.
SYMPTOM: Mouth contains cigarette butts.
FAULT: You have fallen forward.
ACTION: See above...
SYMPTOM: Beer tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
ACTION: Retire to gents' room, practice in mirror.
SYMPTOM: Floor blurred.
FAULT: You are looking through bottom of empty glass.
ACTION: Get someone to buy you another beer.
SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
FAULT: You are being carried out.
ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another bar...
SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.
FAULT: Bar has closed.
ACTION: Confirm home address with bartender, take taxi home.
SYMPTOM: Bar suddenly takes on colorful aspect and textures.
FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
ACTION: Cover mouth....
SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and smiles.
FAULT: You are dancing on the table.
ACTION: Fall on somebody cushy-looking.....
SYMPTOM: Hands hurts, nose hurts, mind unusually clear.
FAULT: You have been in a fight.
ACTION: Apologize to everyone you see, just in case it was them.
SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted.
FAULT: The beer is too weak.
ACTION: Have more beer until your voice improves....
SYMPTOM: Don't remember the words to the song.
FAULT: Beer is just right.
ACTION: Play air guitar......
