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Video:

100 REASONS THAT ITS GREAT TO BE A GUY

1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
2. Movie nudity is virtually always female.
3. You know stuff about tanks.
4. A 5 day vacation requires only one suitcase.
5. Monday Night Football.
6. You don't have to monitor your friends' sex lives.
7. Your bathroom lines are 80% shorter.
8. You can open all your own jars.
9. Old friends don't give a crap whether you've lost or gained weight.
10. Dry cleaners and haircutters don't rob you blind.
11. When clicking through the channels, you don't have to stall at every shot of somebody crying.
12. Your butt is never a factor in job interviews.
13. All your orgasms are real.
14. A beer gut doesn't make you invisible to the opposite sex.
15. Guy in hockey masks don't attack you (unless you smash 'em into the boards).
16. You don't have to lug a bag of useful stuff around everywhere you go.
17. You understand why Stripes is funny.
18. You can go to the bathroom without a support group.
19. Your last name stays put.
20. You can leave the hotel bed unmade.
21. When your work is criticized, you don't have to panic that everyone secretly hates you.
22. You can kill your own food.
23. The garage is all yours.
24. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
25. You see the humour in Terms of Endearment.
26. Nobody secretly wonders whether you swallow.
27. You never have to clean a toilet.
28. You can be showered and ready to go in 10 minutes. YUP!!!!
29. Sex means never worrying about your reputation.
30. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
31. If someone forgets to invite you to something, he or she can still be your friend.
32. Your underwear is $10 for a three-pack.
33. The National College Cheerleading Championship.
34. You don't have to shave below your neck.
35. None of your coworkers has the power to make you cry.
36. You don't have to curl up next to a hairy butt every night.
37. If you're 34 and single, nobody even notices.
38. You can write your name in the snow.
39. You can get into a nontrivial pissing contest.
40. Everything on your face gets to stay its original color.
41. Chocolate is just another snack.
42. You can be president. (In this lifetime.)
43. You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
44. Flowers fix everything.
45. You never have to worry about other people's feelings.
46. You get to think about sex 90% of your waking hours.
47. You can wear a white shirt to a water park.
48. Three pairs of shoes is more than enough.
49. You can eat a banana in a hardware store.
50. You can say anything ("Wow, do my balls hurt!") and not worry about what people will think.
51. Foreplay is optional.
52. Michael Bolton doesn't live in your universe.
53. Nobody stops telling a good dirty joke when you walk into a room.
54. You can whip your shirt off on a hot day.
55. You don't have to clean your apartment if the meter reader's coming by.
56. You never feel compelled to stop a pal from getting laid.
57. Car mechanics tell you the truth.
58. You don't give a rat's butt if anyone notices your new haircut.
59. You can quietly watch a game with you buddy for hours without ever thinking He must be mad at me.
60. The world is your urinal.
61. You never misconstrue innocuous statements to mean your lover's about to leave you.
62. You get to jump up and slap stuff.
63. Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
64. One mood, all the time
65. You can admire Clint Eastwood without starving yourself to look like him.
66. You never have to drive on to another gas station because this one's just too skeevy.
67. You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.
68. You can sit with you knees apart no matter what you're wearing.
69. Same work...more pay!
70. Gray hair and wrinkles only add character.
71. You don't have to leave the room to make an emergency crotch adjustment.
72. Wedding dress: $2,000; tuxedo rental: $75.
73. You don't care if someone's talking about you behind you back.
74. With 400 million sperm per shot, you could double the Earth's population in 15 tries, at least in theory.
75. You don't mooch off others' desserts.
76. If you retain water, it's in a canteen.
77. The remote control is yours and yours alone.
78. People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
79. ESPN's SportsCenter.
80. You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
81. Bachelor parties whomp butt over bridal showers.
82. You have a normal and healthy relationship with your mother.
83. You can buy condoms without the shopkeeper imagining you naked.
84. You needn't pretend you're "Freshening up" to go to the bathroom.
85. If you don't call your buddy when you say you will, he won't tell your other friends you've changed.
86. Someday you'll be a dirty old man.
87. You can rationalize any behavior with the handy phrase "Screw it."
88. If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong buddies.
89. Princess Di's death was just another obituary.
90. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
91. You never have to miss a sexual opportunity because you're not in the mood.
92. You think the idea of punting a small dog is funny.
93. If something mechanical doesn't work, you can bash it with a hammer or throw it across the room.
94. New shoes don't blister, cut, and mangle your feet.
95. Porn movies are designed with your mind in mind.
96. You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries.
97. Not liking a person doesn't preclude having great sex with them.
98. Your pals can be trusted never to trap you with: "So...notice anything different?"
99. Baywatch
100. There's always a game on somewhere.

• 4.14/5
• 15314
• 45
• 5/13/2007
• by ninjagowoowoo

Video:

The Pepsi Theory ...

A man and his wife were getting a divorce at a local court.

But the custody of their children posed a problem.

The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she had brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.

The man also wanted custody of his children.

The judge asked for his side of the story too. After a long moment of silence, the man rose from the chair and replied:

"Judge, when I put a dollar into a vending machine, and a Pepsi comes out, does the Pepsi belong to me or to the machine?"

• 4.18/5
• 5709
• 35
• 6/25/2006
• by DiabloRojo

Video:

Simple And Clean: Men (Maybe Not Clean)

Women, learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not considered by us to be opportunities to see if we can find the perfect present . . . . again!

Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.

Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

Don't cut your hair. Ever. Long hair is always more attractive than short hair. One of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her.

Ask for what you want. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

We don't remember dates. . . .Period!!

Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress?

Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We've been tricked before!!

If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.

You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.

The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your girlfriends.

ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.

If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.

Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what they're saying anyway.)

BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.

Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know, it's like camping.

• 3.95/5
• 4577
• 26
• 7/29/2006
• by Warfare Artist of the XIII

Video:

Arthur Davidson Meets God

The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven.

At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur. "Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want to in heaven." Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God." St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.

God recognized Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley-Davidson motorcycle?" Arthur said, "Yeah, that's me..." God commented: "Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable makes noise and pollution and can't run without a road? Arthur was apparently embarrassed, but finally spoke, "Excuse me, but aren't you the inventor of woman?" God said, "Ah, yes." "Well," said Arthur, "professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention:

1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion
2. It chatters constantly at high speed
3. Most rear ends are too soft and wobble too much
4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust
5. The maintenance costs are outrageous!!!

"Hmmmmm, you may have some good points there," replied God, "hold on." God went to his Celestial supercomputer, typed in a few words and waited for the results. The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.

"Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours.

• 3.71/5
• 4208
• 21
• 9/28/2005
• by Marqo09

Video:

Single?

A woman was shopping at her local supermarket where she selected:

a half-gallon of 2%, milk, a carton of eggs, a quart of orange juice, a head , of romaine lettuce, a 2 lb. can of coffee, a 1 lb. package of bacon

As she was unloading her items onto the conveyor belt to check out, a drunk standing behind her was watching.

While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk calmly stated, "You must be single."

The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single. She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped of the drunk to her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said, "Well, you know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on Earth did you know that?"

The drunk replied, "'Cuz you're ugly"

• 4.12/5
• 4862
• 21
• 9/8/2006
• by ReezZ

Video:

A Little Girl Goes To A Wedding

Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispers to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?"

"Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life," her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple.

The girl thoght about this for a moment and said, "So why's the groom wearing black?"

• 3.99/5
• 6457
• 17
• 3/19/2006
• by pimprocker

Video:

Cool Things About Being a Man

1- Your ass is never a factor in a job interview.
2- Your orgasms are real. Always.
3- Your last name stays put.
4- The garage is all yours.
5- Wedding plans take care of themselves.
6- You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.
7- Car mechanics tell you the truth.
8- You don't give a rat's ass if someone notices your new haircut.
9- Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
10- Same work, more pay.
11- Wrinkles add character.
12- You don't have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
13- Wedding dress $2,000.00; Tux rental $100.00
14- If you retain water, it's in a canteen
15- People never glance at your chest when you're talking to them.
16- New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
17- One mood, all the damn time.
18- Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds.
19- A five-day vacation requires only 1 suitcase.
20- You can open all your own jars.
21- You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
22- Your underwear is $10.00 for a three-pack.
23- If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
24- You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger's seat.
25- Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
26- You can quietly watch a game with your buddy for hours without ever thinking "he must be mad at me".
27- No maxi-pads.
28- If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
29- You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
30- You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
31- You are unable to see wrinkles in clothes.
32- The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
33- Your belly usually hides your big hips
34- One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
35- You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife.
36- Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in minutes.
37- The world is your urinal.

• 3.81/5
• 3954
• 16
• 1/4/2006
• by NikNak

Video:

A Smart Woman...

A woman and a man are involved in a car accident... Both of their cars are totally demolished but amazingly neither of them are hurt.

After they crawl out of their cars, the woman says, "So you're a man, that's interesting. I'm a woman. Wow, just look at our cars! There's nothing left, but fortunately we are unhurt...

This must be a sign from God that we should meet and be friends and live together in peace for the rest of our days."

Flattered, the man replied, "Oh yes, I agree with you completely!"

This must be a sign from God!" The woman continued, "And look at this, here's another miracle. My car is completely demolished but this bottle of wine didn't break...

Surely God wants us to drink this wine and celebrate our good fortune."

Then she hands the bottle to the man. The man nods his head in agreement, opens it and drinks half the bottle and then hands it back to the woman. The woman takes the bottle, immediately puts the cap back on, and hands it back to the man.

The man asks, "Aren't you having any?"

The woman replies, "No. I think I'll just wait for the police..."

• 3.49/5
• 5584
• 15
• 12/5/2005
• by NikNak

Video:

The Perfect Joke

Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met.

They were a perfect match and after a perfect courtship they had a perfect wedding.

Their life together was perfect.

One snowy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple were driving their perfect car along a winding road when they noticed someone up ahead in distress.

Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help.

There stood an honest politician next to his broken down car.

The honest politician told the perfect couple that he was desparately trying to get home to his young family with all their Christmas presents.

Not wanting to disappoint children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded the honest politician and his gifts into their car. Soon they were driving the honest politician and his gifts home to his young family.

Unfortunately, driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and the honest politician were in a terrible accident.

Only one of the three survived.

Who was the lone survivor?

(scroll down for the answer)

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Did you guess the honest politician?

Wrong!

Did you guess the perfect man?

Wrong!

Did you guess the perfect woman?

Correct!

The perfect woman was the only one to survive as she was the only one to really exist in the first place. Everyone knows there is no such thing as an honest politician or a perfect man.

Ok, the joke is now done, if you're a woman, go look at another joke or video on Spiked. If, and only if you are a guy, keep scrolling down.

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If there was no honest politician or perfect man, that means the prefect woman was driving which explains why there was an accident!

Oh, and if you are a woman reading this, it illustrates another point: women never follow instructions.

• 4.06/5
• 2969
• 15
• 6/20/2006
• by The Happy Potato

Video:

Men and Women

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

For example, one evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." I said "WHAT????!!! What was that?!"

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?" What every boyfriend/husband on the planet dreads to hear..."You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man."

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night I went to sleep. The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store.

I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take so I told her we'll just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings.

Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all dear, Let's go to the cashier".

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it." Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled "WHAT???!!!"

I then said, "Really honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?"

Apparently I'm not getting any tonight either.

• 3.39/5
• 2875
• 14
• 1/31/2006
• by sn1per_uk