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Video:
On a plane bound for New York, the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class section and requested that she move to economy since she did not have a first class ticket. The blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York and I'm not moving.
" Not wanting to argue with a customer, the flight attendant asked the co-pilot to speak with her. He went to talk with the woman asking her to please move out of the first class section. Again, the blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York and I'm not moving." The co-pilot returned to the cockpit and asked the captain what should he do.
The captain said, "I'm married to a blonde. I know how to handle this." He went to the first class section and whispered in the blonde's ear. She immediately jumped up and ran to the economy section mumbling to herself, "Why didn't anyone just say so?" Surprised, the flight attendant and the co-pilot asked what he said to her that finally convinced her to move from her seat.
He said, "I told her the first class section wasn't going to New York."
Two blondes were standing across from each other on opposite sides of a river.
The first blonde asked, "How do you get to the other side?"
The second blonde scratched her head, thought for a moment and replied, "Duhhh. You already are on the other side!"
Two blondes walk into a bar. You think one of them would have noticed!!!
Q: What did the blonde do when her doctor told her she had sugar in her urine? A: She peed on her corn flakes.
Q: What did the blind blonde say to her new boyfriend as she was making love to him? A: "Funny, you don't feel Jewish."
Q: What did the blonde do when she noticed that someone had already written on the overhead transparency? A: She turned it over and used the other side.
Q: What did the really dumb blonde say when someone blew in her bra? A: Thanks for the refill.
Q: What did the blonde say when she knocked over the priceless Ming vase? A: "It's OK Daddy, I'm not hurt."
Q: How does a blonde commit suicide? A: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.
Q: How do you plant dope? A: Bury a blonde.
Q: How does a blonde turn on the lights after having sex? A: Opens the car door.
Q: What do blondes and cow pies have in common? A: The older they get, the easier they are to pick up.
Q: Why aren't blondes good cattle herders? A: Because they can't even keep two calves together!
Q: What did the blonde's right leg say to the left leg? A: Nothing. They've never met.
Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle? A: They are both fucked when they're on their back.
Q: What did the blonde's mom say to her before she went out? A: If you're not in bed by midnight, come home.
Q: What's a blonde's favourite nursery rhyme? A: Humpme Dumpme.
Q: What is the difference between a circus and a group of blondes? A: At the circus you'll find a cunning array of stunts
Q: What's the difference between a mosquito and a blonde? A: When you slap a mosquito, it will stop sucking.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and the Atlantic Coast? A: The Atlantic Coast would never have that many crabs.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a taxi cab? A: You have to pay to ride in a taxi cab.
Q: How do you give a blonde more headroom? A: Adjust the steering wheel.
Q: Why did the blonde have lip stick on her steering wheel? A: She was trying to blow the horn.
Q: Why does a blonde wear panties? A: To keep her ankles warm.
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and the local football team? A: The blonde has the higher sperm count
A blonde woman is driving down the road. She notices that she's low on gas, so she stops at a gas station. While she's pumping her gas, she notices that she locked the keys in the car. So when she goes inside to pay, she asks the attendant for a hanger so that she can attempt to open the door herself.
She returns outside and begins to jimmy the lock. Ten minutes later, the attendant comes out to see how the blonde is faring.
Outside the car, the blonde is moving the hanger around and around while the blonde inside the car is saying, "A little more to the left...a little more to the right!..."
A blonde was shopping and came across a silver Thermos. She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and brought it over to the clerk to ask what it was.
“That’s a Thermos,” the clerk said. “It keeps some things hot and some things cold.”
“Wow,” said the blonde. “That’s amazing. I’m going to buy it!”
So she bought the Thermos and took it to work the next day. Her boss saw it on her desk.
“What do you have there?” he asked.
“Why, that’s a Thermos. It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold,” she replied.
Her boss inquired, “What do you have in it?”
The blond replied, “Two popsicles and some coffee.”
A broke blonde decides to ask God for help. "Dear Lord," she prays, "if I don't get some cash, I'm gonna lose everything. Please let me win the lottery."
Lottery night comes, but the blonde doesn't win. She prays even harder, saying, "God, why have you forsaken me? My children are starving. Please just let me win this once."
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light, and the blonde hears God speak.
"Sweetheart, work with me on this," he says. "Buy a ticket."
An airline captain was breaking in a new blonde stewardess. The route they were flying had a layover in another city. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.
The next morning, as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up wondering what happened. She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get out of her room. "You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, "Why not?"
The stewardess replied: "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"
