Spiked Humor Crave Online

Video:

Blonde paint job

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked.
"Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.

"And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

• 4.02/5
• 6921
• 21
• 3/18/2006
• by qtnik

Video:

Locked Car

A blonde woman is driving down the road. She notices that she's low on gas, so she stops at a gas station. While she's pumping her gas, she notices that she locked the keys in the car. So when she goes inside to pay, she asks the attendant for a hanger so that she can attempt to open the door herself.

She returns outside and begins to jimmy the lock. Ten minutes later, the attendant comes out to see how the blonde is faring.

Outside the car, the blonde is moving the hanger around and around while the blonde inside the car is saying, "A little more to the left...a little more to the right!..."

• 3.78/5
• 5919
• 18
• 10/29/2005
• by Marqo09

Video:

Educated

The Blondes at the university were tired of not fitting in. They were tired of other students assuming they were just stupid bimbos. They wanted somewhere where they felt they belonged.

So they pressured the administration to set up a new Department especially for them. The university agreed, and set up the Blonde Education Department.

The Blondes were ecstatic to have a department of their own where they could gather without being ridiculed. They felt they really belonged now.

They wanted other students to see that they weren't just stupid bimbos -- after all, they now had their own department at the university.

So they now all proudly wear the official sweatshirt of the Blonde Education Department, which sports the saying: "I Belong in B.E.D."

• 3.34/5
• 5770
• 15
• 4/24/2006
• by hdaackda

Video:

A Blonde's Brain At Work

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead all work at the same office for a female boss who always goes home early.

"Hey, girls," says the brunette, "let's go home early tomorrow. She'll never know."

So the next day, they all leave right after the boss does. The brunette gets some extra gardening done, the redhead goes to a bar, and the blonde goes home to find her husband having sex with the female boss! She quietly sneaks out of the house and returns at her normal time.

"That was fun," says the brunette. "We should do it again sometime."

"No way," says the blonde. "I almost got caught."

• 3.55/5
• 5495
• 7
• 10/20/2005
• by NikNak

Video:

The Contractor

A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job.

In the first room she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out "GREEN SIDE UP!"

In the second room she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" The lady was somewhat curious but she said nothing.

In the third room she said she would like it painted a warm rose color. The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"

The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling 'green side up'?"

"I'm sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street."

• 3.55/5
• 5293
• 15
• 2/23/2006
• by JBchillin

Video:

Blonde Guy

The very first ever Blonde GUY joke.... And well worth the wait! An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building."

The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."

The blond opened his lunch and said, Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."

The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death.

The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too.

The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.

At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!"

The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much." Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife.

The blonde's wife said, "Don't look at me. He makes his own lunch!

• 3.89/5
• 5205
• 23
• 2/22/2006
• by sn1per_uk

Video:

First Class

On a plane bound for New York, the flight attendant approached a blonde sitting in the first class section and requested that she move to economy since she did not have a first class ticket. The blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York and I'm not moving.

" Not wanting to argue with a customer, the flight attendant asked the co-pilot to speak with her. He went to talk with the woman asking her to please move out of the first class section. Again, the blonde replied, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York and I'm not moving." The co-pilot returned to the cockpit and asked the captain what should he do.

The captain said, "I'm married to a blonde. I know how to handle this." He went to the first class section and whispered in the blonde's ear. She immediately jumped up and ran to the economy section mumbling to herself, "Why didn't anyone just say so?" Surprised, the flight attendant and the co-pilot asked what he said to her that finally convinced her to move from her seat.

He said, "I told her the first class section wasn't going to New York."

• 3.41/5
• 4964
• 14
• 11/9/2005
• by DaVyWaVyBaBy

Video:

The Blonde And The VHS Tape

A blonde decides she needs some spice in her life. She goes to the closest adult film store, finds a video she thinks she will enjoy the most, and takes it home with her.

The clerk at the store gets a phone call from the blonde about an hour or two after she left.

"Your video doesn't work on my VCR." the blonde says.
"Sure your VCR isn't broken, ma'am?" the clerk replies.
"It's not. I tried another one of my videos in it after I put your video in. My VCR still works and actually works better. But your video doesn't work."
"OK, ma'am. I will get you another copy. What's the name on the box of the tape?" the clerk says.

The blonde replies, "The box says 'head cleaner'."

• 3.65/5
• 4580
• 2
• 4/14/2007
• by Klutch

Video:

Is it because I'm blonde?

A girl came skipping home from school one day.
"Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were counting today, and all the other kids could only count to four, but I counted to 10. See? 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10!"

"Very good," said her mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde?" the girl said.
"Yes, it's because you're blonde," said the mommy.

The next day the girl came skipping home from school.
"Mommy, Mommy," she yelled,
"we were saying the alphabet today, and all the other kids could only say it to D, but I said it to G. See? A, B, C, D, E, F, G!"

"Very good," said her mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde, Mommy?"
"Yes, it's because you're blonde."

The next day the girl came skipping home from school.
"Mommy, Mommy," she yelled, "we were in gym class today, and when we showered, all the other girls had flat chests, but I have these!" And she lifted her tank top to reveal a pair of 36Cs.

"Very good," said her embarrassed mother.
"Is it because I'm blonde, mommy?"
"No Honey, it's because you're 24."

• 3.59/5
• 4354
• 14
• 10/17/2005
• by GilgaMesh

Video:

Blind Man And Three Blondes

A blind man goes into a tavern, finds the bar, and sits down. When the bartender comes over and asks what he'd like to drink, he says, "I'd like to get a beer and tell blonde joke."

The bartender says, "Well, I'll give you a beer, no problem, but you should know that I weigh 250 pounds, and I'm a blonde. Also, my brother is sitting next to you.

He's also about 250, and he's blonde too. My cousin is sitting at the table behind you, he weighs almost 300 pounds, and he's a blonde. Are you sure you want to tell the blonde joke?"

The blind guy thinks a minute, then says, "Well, I guess I'll have the beer, but I won't tell the blonde joke."

"Why not?" asks the bartender. "Well," the blind guy says, "I don't want to have to explain it three times."

• 3.76/5
• 4118
• 14
• 6/22/2006
• by nstg8r