Upgrade your browser!

Skip to Content

Article Listing

Browsing: Jokes / Blonde Jokes

Sort By:
Most Recent
Top Rated
Most Views
Most Comments

Video:10 Blonde Inventions

10 Blonde Inventions

1. Water-proof towel.

2. Solar powered flashlight.

3. Submarine screen door.

4. A book on how to read.

5. Inflatable dart board.

6. A dictionary index.

7. Ejector seat on a helicopter.

8. Powdered water.

9. Pedal-powered wheel chair.

10. Water-proof tea bag.

 

Video:Blonde Guy

Blonde Guy

The very first ever Blonde GUY joke.... And well worth the wait! An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building. They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building."

The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, "Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too."

The blond opened his lunch and said, Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."

The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death.

The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too.

The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.

At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!"

The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much." Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife.

The blonde's wife said, "Don't look at me. He makes his own lunch!

 

Video:Blonde paint job

Blonde paint job

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
"You're finished already?" he asked.
"Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats."
Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50.

"And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

 

Video:Jump or Not?

Jump or Not?

Jack, a handsome man, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm. He sat down next to this blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV. The 10:00 news was on.

The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.

The blonde looked at Jack and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"

Jack says, "You know, I bet he will."

The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."

Jack placed $30 on the bar and said, "You're on!"

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy did a swan dive off of the building, falling to his death.

The blonde was very upset and handed her $30 to Jack, saying, "Fair's fair. Here's your money."

Jack replied, "I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 o'clock news and knew he would jump."

The blonde replies, "I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again."

 

Video:Locked Car

Locked Car

A blonde woman is driving down the road. She notices that she's low on gas, so she stops at a gas station. While she's pumping her gas, she notices that she locked the keys in the car. So when she goes inside to pay, she asks the attendant for a hanger so that she can attempt to open the door herself.

She returns outside and begins to jimmy the lock. Ten minutes later, the attendant comes out to see how the blonde is faring.

Outside the car, the blonde is moving the hanger around and around while the blonde inside the car is saying, "A little more to the left...a little more to the right!..."

 

Video:Educated

Educated

The Blondes at the university were tired of not fitting in. They were tired of other students assuming they were just stupid bimbos. They wanted somewhere where they felt they belonged.

So they pressured the administration to set up a new Department especially for them. The university agreed, and set up the Blonde Education Department.

The Blondes were ecstatic to have a department of their own where they could gather without being ridiculed. They felt they really belonged now.

They wanted other students to see that they weren't just stupid bimbos -- after all, they now had their own department at the university.

So they now all proudly wear the official sweatshirt of the Blonde Education Department, which sports the saying: "I Belong in B.E.D."

 

Video:Sick leave

Sick leave

Sick Leave:

I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the Boss would not allow me to take a leave.

I thought that maybe if I acted "CRAZY" then he would tell me to take a few days off.

So I hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny noises. My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing?

I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the Boss would think I was "CRAZY" and give me a few days off.

A few minutes later the Boss came into the office and asked "What are you doing ?" I told him I was a light bulb. He said "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days".

I jumped down and walked out of the office. When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the Boss asked her "...And where do you think you're going?"

She said, "I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark!"

 

Video:The Contractor

The Contractor

A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about her job.

In the first room she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out "GREEN SIDE UP!"

In the second room she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" The lady was somewhat curious but she said nothing.

In the third room she said she would like it painted a warm rose color. The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"

The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling 'green side up'?"

"I'm sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street."

 

Video:Different Degrees of Blondeness

Different Degrees of Blondeness

FIRST DEGREE
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up. The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear."

SECOND DEGREE
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up. She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar." The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!" So the first blonde hands her the compact. The second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's me!"

THIRD DEGREE
A blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her, so she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is really angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, and as she does so, she is overcome with grief She takes the gun and puts it to her head The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do it!!!" The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"

FOURTH DEGREE
A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of state capitals. She proudly says, "Go ahead, ask me, I know all of them." A friend says, "OK, what's the capital of Wisconsin?" The blonde replies, "Oh, that's easy: W."

FIFTH DEGREE
What did the blonde ask her doctor when he told her she was pregnant? "Is it mine?"

SIXTH DEGREE
Bambi, a blonde in her fourth year as a UCLA freshman, sat in her US government class. The professor asked Bambi if she knew what Roe vs. Wade was about. Bambi pondered the question then finally said, "That was the decision George Washington had to make before he crossed the Delaware."

SEVENTH DEGREE
Returning home from work, a blonde was shocked to find her house Ransacked and burglarized. She telephoned the police at once and The police dispatcher broadcast the call on the radio, and a K-9 unit, patrolling nearby was the first to respond. As the K-9 officer approached the house with his dog on a leash, the blonde ran out on the porch, shuddered at the sight of the cop and his dog, then sat down on the steps. Putting her face in her hands, she moaned, "I come home to find all my possessions stolen. I call the police for help, and what do they do? They send me a BLIND policeman."

 

Video:A Travel Agency

A Travel Agency

A blonde walks by a travel agency and notices a sign in the window, "Cruise Special -- $99!" So she goes inside, lays her money on the counter and says, "I'd like the $99 cruise special, please." The agent says, "Yes, ma'am," the he grabs her, drags her into the back room, ties her into a large inner tube, pulls her out the back door and downhill to the river bank, where he pushes her in and sends her floating down the river.

A second blonde comes by a few minutes later, sees the sign, goes inside, lays down her money, and asks for the $99 special. She too is tied to an inner tube and sent floating down the river. Drifting into stronger current, she eventually catches up with the first blonde. They float side by side for a while before the first blonde asks, "Do they serve refreshments on his cruise?"

The second blonde replies, "They didn't last year."

 

The Spikedhumor Drawing!Drawing Coming Soon!
Prize
Entry Dates: 9/8/2007-9/14/2009

From Our Sponsors