Upgrade your browser!

Skip to Content

Article Listing

Browsing: Jokes / Adult Jokes

Sort By:
Most Recent
Top Rated
Most Views
Most Comments

Video:My Husband Likes To Watch

My Husband Likes To Watch

A man and his wife are stranded on a desert island. The wife begins to lose interest in her husband and wishes on a star that she would find another man. The next day a man is washed on shore. He is very nice looking and finds immediate interest in the wife. The husband was very pleased that there was another man to help work. So they started on building a watchtower. The stranger and wife wanted to have mad passionate sex on the beach. So he tried to think of a plan. SO then the stranger offered to watch first from the watchtower. While the husband and wife worked, the stranger yelled, ''Hey! No screwing! Get back to work!'' At this, the couple yelled back, we're not screwing!'' A little while later the man again yelled out to them. And again the couple denied it. This happened several times during his shift up in the watchtower, and when his turn was over, the husband took over. With that, the stranger made love to the wife on the beach. The husband, watching, exclaimed, Wow, it really does look like they're screwing from up here.

 

Video:Dr Dave

Dr Dave

Doctor Dave had slept with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he just couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every once in a while he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice in his head that said: "Dave, don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to sleep with one of their patients, and you won't be the last. And you're single. Just let it go, Dave." But invariably another voice in his head would bring him back to reality, whispering: "Dave..... Dave..... Dave, you sick b@stard You're a vet."

 

Video:Why I fired my secretary:

Why I fired my secretary:

Last week was my birthday and I didn`t feel very well waking up on that morning. I went downstairs for breakfast hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, "Happy Birthday!", and possibly have a small present for me. As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone "Happy Birthday." I thought... Well, that`s marriage for you, but the kids... They will remember. My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast and didn`t say a word. So when I left for the office, I felt pretty low and somewhat despondent.

As I walked into my office, my secretary Jane said, "Good Morning Boss, and by the way Happy Birthday!" It felt a little better that at least someone had remembered. I worked until one o`clock, when Jane knocked on my door and said, "You know, It`s such a beautiful day outside, and it is your Birthday, what do you say we go out to lunch, just you and me." I said, "Thanks, Jane, that`s the greatest thing I`ve heard all day. Let`s go!" We went to lunch. But we didn`t go where we normally would go. She chose instead a quiet bistro with a private table. We had two Martinis each and I enjoyed the meal tremendously. On the way back to the office, Jane said, "You know, It`s such a beautiful day... We don`t need to go straight back to the office, do we?" I responded, "I guess not. What do you have in mind?" She said, "Let`s drop by my apartment, it`s just around the corner." After arriving at her apartment, Jane turned to me and said, "Boss, if you don`t mind, I`m going to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I`ll be right back." "Ok," I nervously replied. She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake. Followed by my wife, my kids, and dozens of my friends and co-workers, all singing "Happy birthday". And I just sat there... On the couch... Sobbing... Naked... and erect.

 

Video: Blackman meets a genie

Blackman meets a genie

Blackman meets a genie who grants him a wish he says i want to be white and surrounded by pussy so the genie turns him into a tampax! Moral of the story is that you may get what you wished for but there is always a string attached.

 

Video:paedophile jokes

paedophile jokes

What's the worst thing about being a paedophile? You just don't fit in. What do you give a paedophile who has everything? A bigger parish! What kind of file do you need to turn a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole? A Paedophile. What's the two signs a Catholic Priest is a paedophile? 1) He's Catholic. 2) He's a Priest. What do paedophiles pass round after dinner? The under eights. what's really the worst thing about being a paedophile ? ... getting caught.

 

Video:Jamacian Love Sandals

Jamacian Love Sandals

A married couple was on holiday in Jamaica . They were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods and such when they passed this small sandal shop. From inside they heard the shopkeeper with a Jamaican accent say, "You foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop!" So they walked in, and the Jamaican said, "I have some special sandals I tink you would be interested in... Dey make you wild at sex. "The wife got really interested in buying the sandals, but the husband felt he really didn't need them, being the sex god he was. The husband asked the shopkeeper, "How could sandals make you into a sex freak? "The Jamaican replied, "Just try dem on, Mon. You doan haff to do nutting cept try dem on. "So the husband, after some badgering from his wife, finally gave in, and tried them on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes, something his wife hadn't seen in many years! In the blink of an eye, the husband grabbed the Jamaican, bent him violently over a table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican's hips. The Jamaican then began screaming, "You got dem on da wrong feet! Mon, you got dem on da wrong feet!"...

 

Video:Heaven or Hell

Heaven or Hell

A girl is standing at The Gates Of Heaven when she hears horrible screams of pain and torture coming from inside. She says to St. Peter, "What’s going on?" He says, "That’s the sound of new angels getting big holes drilled into their backs for their wings, and small holes drilled into their heads for their halos." She says, "Heaven sounds terrible. I think maybe I’d rather go to Hell." St. Peter says, "In Hell, you’ll be constantly raped and sodomized." She says, "That’s okay. I’ve already got holes for that."

 

Video:Self love is blind.

Self love is blind.

A little boy was in his room playing with himself, when his father walked in. "Son! If you masturbate too much, you're gonna go blind!" "Dad," the boy said, "I'm over here."

 

Video:Mate Match

Mate Match

On the WBAM FM morning show in Chicago, the DJs play a game where they award winners great prizes. The game is called "Mate Match." The DJs call someone at work and ask if they are married or seriously involved with someone. If the contestant answers yes, he or she is then asked 3 random yet highly personal questions. The person is also asked to divulge the name of their partner (with phone number) for verification. If their partner answers those same three questions correctly, they both win the prize. One particular game, however, several months ago made the City of Big Shoulders drop to its knees with laughter and is possibly the funniest thing I've heard yet. Anyway, here's how it all went down: DJ: "Hey! This is Edgar on WBAM. Have you ever heard of 'Mate Match'?" Contestant: (laughing) "Yes I have." DJ: "Great! Then you know we're giving away a trip to Orlando,Florida if you win. What is your name? First only please." Contestant: "Brian." DJ: "Brian, are you married or what?" Brian: "Yes." DJ: "Yes? Does that mean you're married or you're what?" Brian: (laughing nervously) "Yes, I am married." DJ: "Thank you. Now, what is your wife's name? First only please." Brian: "Sara." DJ: "Is Sara at work, Brian?" Brian: "She is gonna kill me." DJ: "Stay with me here, Brian! Is she at work?" Brian: (laughing) Yes, she's at work." DJ: "Okay, first question - when was the last time you had sex?" Brian: "She is gonna kill me." DJ: "Brian! Stay with me here!" Brian: "About 8 o'clock this morning." DJ: "Atta boy, Brian." Brian: (laughing sheepishly) "Well..." DJ: "Question #2 - How long did it last?" Brian: "About 10 minutes." DJ: "Wow! You really want that trip, huh? No one would ever have said that if a trip wasn't at stake." Brian: "Yeah, that trip sure would be nice." DJ: "Okay. Final question. Where did you have sex at 8 o'clock this morning?" Brian: (laughing hard) "I, ummm, I, well..." DJ: "This sounds good, Brian. Where was it at?" Brian: "Not that it was all that great, but her Mom is staying for a couple of weeks..." DJ: "Uh huh..." Brian: "...and the Mother-in-law was in the shower at the Time." DJ: "Atta boy, Brian." Brian: "On the kitchen table." DJ: "Not that great?? That is more adventure than the previous hundred times I've done it. Okay folks, I will put Brian on hold, get his wife's work number and call her up. You listen to this. (3 minutes of commercials follow.) DJ: "Okay audience, let's call Sarah, shall we?" (touchtones ringing) Clerk: "Kinkos." DJ: "Hey, is Sarah around there somewhere?" Clerk: "This is she." DJ: "Sarah, this is Edgar with WBAM. We are live on the air right now and I've been talking with Brian for a couple of hours now." Sarah: (laughing) "A couple of hours?" DJ: "Well, a while now. He is on the line with us. Brian knows not to give any answers away or you'll lose. Sooooooo...do you know the rules of 'Mate match'?" Sarah: "No." DJ: "Good!" Brian: (laughing) Sarah: (laughing) "Brian, what the hell are you up to?" Brian (laughing) "Just answer his questions honestly, okay? Be completely honest." DJ: "Yeah yeah yeah. Sure. Now, I will ask you 3 questions, Sarah. If your answers match Brian's answers, then the both of you will be off to Orlando, Florida for 5 days on us. Disney World. Sea World. Tickets to the Magic's game. The whole deal. Get it Sarah?" Sarah: (laughing) "Yes." DJ: "All right. When did you last have sex, Sarah?" Sarah: "Oh God, Brian....uh, this morning before Brian went to work." DJ: "What time?" Sarah: "Around 8 this morning." DJ: "Very good. Next question. How long did it last?" Sarah: "12, 15 minutes maybe." DJ: "Hmmmm. That's close enough. I am sure she is trying to protect his manhood. We've got one last question, Sarah. You are one question away from a trip to Florida. Are you ready?" Sarah: (laughing) "Yes." DJ: "Where did you have it?" Sarah: "OH MY GOD, BRIAN!! You didn't tell them that, did you?" Brian: "Just tell him, honey." DJ: "What is bothering you so much,Sarah?" Sarah: "Well, it's just that my Mom is vacationing with us and..." DJ: "She saw?" Sarah: "BRIAN?!" Brian: "No, no I didn't..." DJ: "Ease up there, sister. Just messing' with your head. Your answer, please?" Sara: "Dear Lord...I cannot believe you told them this." Brian: "Come on, honey, it's for a free trip to Florida." DJ: "Let's go, sister. We ain't got all day here. Where did you do it?" Sarah: (short pause) "In the ass." (long, long pause) DJ: "We'll be right back after a word from our sponsors."

  • Votes 3.96/5
  • Views 1398
  • Comments 7
  • Date 12/23/2007
  • by blind
 

Video:Life in Hell

Life in Hell

A gangster dies and is sent to Hell. He's wandering around the place, which doesn't look too bad to him, wondering what's going to happen next. He finds the Devil and asks him what's going on. The Devil replies, "Hey, this is a great place. Do you like to eat?" "Sure," says the gangster, "I like to eat." "Oh, you ll love Monday's. On Monday's we have the biggest buffet you've ever seen with every kind of food. You can eat as much as you want without feeling full or gaining weight. It's great! Do you like woman, too?" "Sure, I love women." "You'll love Tuesday's. On Tuesday's you can have all the women you have ever wanted, any shape or size, all the sex you can handle and you never get tired." "That's wonderful," replied the gangster. "It is, but that's not all. Do you like to drink?" "Absolutely." "Wednesday's drinking day. Drink all you want, never get too drunk, no hangovers, it's wonderful!" "Sure sounds like a great place to me." "It is. Do you like men?" "No, I definitely don't like men." "Hmm. Well then you're not going to like Thursdays."

 
The Spikedhumor Drawing!Drawing Coming Soon!
Prize
Entry Dates: 9/8/2007-9/14/2009

From Our Sponsors