Spiked Humor Crave Online

Video:

Rabbit in a Butchers Shop

A rabbit hops into a butchers' shop and says, "Have you got any cabbages?"

The butcher says that he doesn't sell cabbages and the rabbit hops off.

The next day the same rabbit hops into the same butchers and says, "Have you got any cabbages?"

The butcher, slightly peeved, says, "Look I told you yesterday - I'm a butcher, I don't sell cabbages, now go away!"

The rabbit hops off. The next day the rabbit hops into the butchers again and says, "Have you got any cabbages?"

The butcher, really annoyed now, snaps "No I haven't got any chuffin cabbages! If you come in here again asking for some cabbages I'm gonna nail your ears to the floor!"

The rabbit is scared by this and quickly hops out the door. The next day the rabbit hops into the butchers and asks "Have you got any nails?"

The butcher replys "No".

The rabbit says "Have you got any cabbages?"

• 3.44/5
• 660
• 3
• 10/16/2005
• by cruel_boy

Video:

Looking for Water

Arab was walking through the Sahara desert, desperate for water, when he saw something, far off in the distance. Hoping to find water, he walked towards the image, only to find a little old man sitting at a card table with a bunch of neckties laid out on it.

The Arab asked, "Please, I'm dying of thirst, can I have some water?"

The man replied "I don't have any water, but why don't you buy a tie? Here's one that goes nicely with your robes.

The Arab shouted, "I don't want a tie, you idiot, I need water!"

"OK, don't buy a tie. But to show you what a nice guy I am, I'll tell you that over that hill there, about 4 miles, is a nice restaurant. Walk that way, they'll give you all the water you want."

The Arab thanked him and walked away towards the hill and eventually disappeared from view.

Three hours later the Arab came crawling back to where the man was sitting behind his card table.

The man said, "I told you, about 4 miles over that hill. Couldn't you find it?"

The Arab rasped, "I found it alright. They wouldn't let me in without a tie."

• 3.81/5
• 606
• 2
• 10/16/2005
• by cruel_boy

Video:

Vampire Bats!

Two vampire bats wake up in the middle of the night, thirsty for blood. One says, "Let's fly out of the cave and get some blood."

"We're new here," says the second one. "It's dark out, and we don't know where to look. We'd better wait until the other bats go with us."

The first bat replies, "Who needs them? I can find some blood somewhere." He flies out of the cave.

When he returns, he is covered with blood.

The second bat says excitedly, "Where did you get the blood?"

The first bat takes his buddy to the mouth of the cave. Pointing into the night, he asks, "See that black building over there?"

"Yes," the other bat answers.

"Well," says the first bat, "I didn't."

• 3.07/5
• 792
• 1
• 10/16/2005
• by cruel_boy

Video:

Farmer and pig!

A farmer and his pig were driving down the road when a cop pulled him over. The cop asked the farmer, "Didn?t you know it is against the law to ride with a pig in the front of you truck?"

The farmer replied, "No, I didn?t knowed that." The cop ask the farmer where he was going and he said, "To Memphis".

The cop said, "I will let you off the hook this time if you promise to take the pig to the zoo when you get to Memphis." So the farmer promised he would.

Several days later the cop spotted the farmer with the pig driving down the road and he pulled him over again. The cop said, "I thought I told you to take this pig to the zoo when you got to Memphis."

To this the farmer replied, "I did and we had so much fun, I taking him to Kings Island now".

• 2.87/5
• 618
• 0
• 10/16/2005
• by cruel_boy

Video:

A Bear and a Man.

In the middle of a forest, there was a hunter who was suddenly confronted by a huge, mean bear.

In his fear, all attempts to shoot the bear were unsuccessful. Finally, he turned and ran as fast as he could. The hunter ran and ran and ran, until he ended up at the edge of a very steep cliff. His hopes were dim.

Seeing no way out of his predicament, and with the bear closing in rather quickly, the hunter got down on his knees, opened his arms, and exclaimed, "Dear God! Please give this bear some religion!"

The skies darkened and there was lightning in the air. Just a few feet short of the hunter, the bear came to abrupt stop, and glanced around, somewhat confused.

Suddenly, the bear looked up into the sky and said, "Thank you God, for the food I'm about to receive..."

• 3.96/5
• 767
• 1
• 10/16/2005
• by cruel_boy

Video:

A parrot and a chicken

Jimmy received a parrot for Christmas. The parrot was fully grown, with a very bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive; those that weren't expletives were, to say the least, rude. Jimmy tried to change the bird's attitude by constantly saying polite words, playing soft music... anything he could think of. Nothing worked.

He yelled at the bird, and the bird got worse. He shook the bird, but the bird only became more angry and more rude.

Finally, in a moment of desperation, Jimmy put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird swearing, squawking, kicking and screaming and then, suddenly, there was an eerie silence.

Jimmy was frightened that he might have actually hurt the bird, and quickly opened the freezer door.

The parrot calmly stepped out onto Jimmy's extended arm and said, "I'm sorry that I offended you with my language and actions, and I ask your forgiveness. I will endeavor to correct my behavior".

Jimmy was astounded at the changes in the bird's attitude and was about to ask what had changed him, when the parrot shuddered slightly and said, "May I ask what the Chicken did?"

• 3/5
• 986
• 2
• 10/16/2005
• by cruel_boy

Video:

A Series of 5 "Confucious" Joke

Confucious Says...

1) Man who run behind car get exhausted

2) Man who run in front of car get tired

3) Man who go to bed horny wake up with problem in hand

4) Man who stand in airport doorway going to bang cock

5) Man who eat with one chopstick going to go very hungry

• 3.66/5
• 644
• 2
• 10/14/2005
• by QACXC

Video:

Not a Joke, but Check It Out

While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.

Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right hand.

Your foot will change direction and there's nothing you can do about it.

• 3.22/5
• 745
• 5
• 10/13/2005
• by Daddy's Nickname

Video:

Art Thief

Did you hear about the Frenchman who almost got away with stealing several paintings from the Louvre in Paris?

After planning the crime, getting in and out past security, he was captured only two blocks away when his Minivan ran out of gas.

When asked how he could mastermind such an almost flawless crime, and then make such an obviously stupid error, he replied: "Monsieur, I had no Monet to buy Degas to make de Van Gogh."

And you thought I lacked De Gaulle to send in a joke like this!

• 2.84/5
• 808
• 2
• 10/13/2005
• by CanadianChick

Video:

Tight Skirt

In a big city at a crowded busy bus stop there was a beautiful young woman wearing a tight mini skirt. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.

Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. Again, she tried to make the step only to discover she still couldn’t. So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step. Still, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg. With a little smile at the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to make the step.

About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her in line picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus. She went ballistic, turned to the would-be good Samaritan, and yelled, “How dare you touch my body! I don’t even know who you are!”

The Texan smiled and drawled, “Well, ma’am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends.”

• 2.71/5
• 4819
• 7
• 10/13/2005
• by Marqo09