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the "village bike" is fed up with screwing around, and wants to settle down. difficult, having been had by most of the men in a five mile radius. a new vicar comes to the village, and she sets about getting him to marry her. when, a few months later the village lads hear the gossip that she is going to marry the vicar and she has told him she is a virgin, they wonder how she is going to hide the fact that she isn't on her wedding night. they devise a plan. they put a ladder up to the window of the couples bedroom window at the vicarage, but as there is only room for one at the ladders top by the window two others stand on the ladder below him with the idea that he will whisper a running commentary of the action to the crowd of men at the bottom of the ladder. with his ear against the window, from behind closed curtains the one at the top hears the couples conversation, the rustle of clothing, and the first whisper comes down ladder: "their getting into bed!" "their getting into bed!" "their getting into bed!" then: "lights are out!" "lights are out!" "lights are out!" followed by minutes of silence. then the guy at the top hears the girl say "oh! darling, you’ve just gone where no man has been before." and the whisper comes down...."he's up her ass!" "he's up her ass!" "he's up her ass!"
article submitted by master911. a church of england vicar has been sacked after a tribunal heard he spat at parishioners, attacked church wardens in sermons and was "arrogant, aggressive and rude", the church says. the reverend tom ambrose, of st mary and st michael church, trumpington, cambridgeshire, was blamed for a "serious pastoral breakdown" that made it impossible for him to keep his job. the bishop of ely, dr anthony russell, ordered him to leave his post after studying a report from a rarely convened tribunal that met in london last september. "the report discloses a lamentable situation," dr russell said. "i am astonished and dismayed that there are recorded two occasions on which it is said that dr ambrose spat at parishioners." the tribunal criticised ambrose for his "rude, bullying, high-handed, disorganised and at times petty behaviour". the trouble started soon after he joined the parish in 1999 and began to make changes. ambrose upset some parishioners by using a computer slideshow during a christmas day service. he was also criticised for using so much incense that people felt unwell. he alienated some with plans to modernise the church by installing lavatories and removing a section of pews to create space for meetings. others were angry over a decision to fell trees in the churchyard without consulting the parochial church council and by changes to the date of the harvest festival supper. ambrose also used sermons to criticise members of his flock. the bishop described that as "completely inappropriate". the case received widespread media coverage last year, with newspaper headlines such as "fear and loathing at the vicarage" and "is this the rudest vicar in britain?" ambrose denied there had been a pastoral breakdown and blamed a "gang of four" troublemakers bent on undermining him. "behaviour like that does not belong in a church," he told the tribunal. "it's like the kind of thing that goes on in the back of an unruly classroom." he denied being aggressive and suggested that envy may have motivated his critics. ambrose, who could not immediately be reached for comment, must leave the post by july 9. source
vicar havin a wank in his bedroom. as he finishes off he sees window cleaner staring at him. red-faced he rushes downstairs as he hears a knock at door.... window cleaner at door says with a smirk, ive done your windows that wil be £100 please! vicar pays and shuts the door. his wife overhears and yells 100 quid for 4 small windows, he must of seen you coming!
article submitted by kingkui14. a vicar has been jailed for three-and-a-half years for amassing a collection of more than 56,000 indecent images of children. the reverend richard hart, 59, of whopshott avenue, horsell, woking, appeared before cardiff crown court after pleading guilty at an earlier hearing to 12 charges of making indecent images of children, four of taking indecent photographs of children and five of possessing such images in offences dating back as far as 1991. the court heard when police raided hart's vicarage in beguildy, near knighton, mid wales, in january of this year they found what was described by prosecutor ieuan morris as a "veritable aladdin's cave" of paedophile material. hart, who was suspended from all duties by the church in wales following his arrest, was also disqualified from working with children by judge michael burr. he will also be subject to a 10-year sexual prevention order upon his release that was modified to allow the trained computer programmer to perhaps find paid work with computers. officers from dyfed-powys police carried out the raid on january 11 after hart's credit card details from the illicit websites he accessed, were passed onto them. mr morris said: "what they identified from material in the bedroom was, to a paedophile, a veritable aladdin's cave. "subsequent examination of the hard drive revealed an array of child pornography." in addition to 344 printed images, 56,562 images were recovered from hart's computer. of these, 1,445 were deemed category four and 44 category five - the most serious and degrading classification of images. the court heard some of the images were of girls as young as four. source
