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Video:
as the title states...scottish sobriety test.
this is a video of a scottish fold kitten. it can be summarized in one word: "awwwwwwwwwwwwww".
clips of frankie boyle (from many british comedy shows).
haha, read the title!
when jock moved to london he constantly annoyed his english acquaintances by boasting about how great scotland was. finally, in exasperation, one said, "well, if scotland's so marvelous, how come you didn't stay there?" "well," explained jock "they're all so clever up there i had to come down here to have any chance of making it at all jock once attended a temperance lecture given by scotland's top medical man, a noted anti-drink campaigner. the speaker began by placing a live, wriggling worm in a glass of whisky. after a moment or two it died and sank to the bottom. the speaker said quietly to the audience, "now my friends, what does this tell us?" jock piped up, "if you drink whisky you'll not be bothered by worms!" callum decided to call his father-in-law the "exorcist" because every time he came to visit he made the spirits disappear how many scotsmen does it take to change a light bulb? och! it's no that dark!
rap music originated in the medieval taverns of scotland rather than the mean streets of the bronx and brooklyn, an american academic has claimed. professor ferenc szasz argued that so-called rap battles, where two or more performers trade elaborate insults, derive from the ancient caledonian art of "flyting". according to the theory, scottish slave owners took the tradition with them to the united states, where it was adopted and developed by slaves, emerging many years later as rap. professor szasz is convinced there is a clear link between this tradition for settling scores in scotland and rap battles, which were famously portrayed in eminem's 2002 movie 8 mile. he said: "the scots have a lengthy tradition of flyting - intense verbal jousting, often laced with vulgarity, that is similar to the dozens that one finds among contemporary inner-city african-american youth. "both cultures accord high marks to satire. the skilled use of satire takes this verbal jousting to its ultimate level - one step short of a fist fight." the academic, who specialises in american and scottish culture at the university of new mexico, made the link in a new study examining the historical context of robert burn's work. the most famous surviving example of flyting comes from a 16th-century piece in which two rival poets hurl increasingly obscene rhyming insults at one another before the court of king james iv. titled the flyting of dunbar and kennedy, it has been described by academics as "just over 500 lines of filth". professor szasz cites an american civil war poem, printed in the new york vanity fair magazine on november 9, 1861, as the first recorded example of the battles being used in the united states. professor willie ruff, of yale university, agreed that scottish slave owners had a profound impact on the development of african american music traditions. comparing flyting and rap battles, he said: "two people engage in ritual verbal duelling and the winner has the last word in the argument, with the loser falling conspicuously silent." source
being scottish is about driving in a german car to an irish pub for a belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an indian curry or a turkish kebab on the way, to sit on swedish furniture and watch american shows on a japanese tv. and the most scottish thing of all? suspicion of all things foreign! only in scotland can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance. only in scotland do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front. only in scotland do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a diet coke. only in scotland do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters. only in scotland do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage. only in scotland do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place. only in scotland are there disabled parking places in front of a skating rink. not to mention.. 3 scots die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue. 142 scots were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts. 58 scots are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers. 31 scots have died since 1996 by watering their christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in. 19 scots have died in the last 3 years believing that christmas decorations were chocolate. scottish hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after xmas cracker-pulling accidents. 18 scots had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth. a massive 543 scots were admitted to a&e in the last two years after trying to open bottles of beer with their teeth. 5 scots were injured last year in accidents involving out-of-control scalextric cars. and finally... in 2000 eight scots were admitted to hospital with fractured skulls incurred whilst throwing up into the toilet. if you're proud to be a scot, send this on! scotland - love it, or leave it!
