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chris rock as the "rib joint customer" at hammer & slammers.
at sunday school they were teaching how god created everything, including human beings. little austin seemed especially intent when they told him how eve was created out of adam's rib. later in the week, wendy, his mother, noticed him lying down as though he were ill, and asked, "austin, what's the matter?" little austin responded, "i have a pain in my side. i think i'm going to have a wife."
after god had created adam he noticed that he looked very lonely. he decided to help. he said, "adam, i've decided to make you a woman. she'll love you, cook for you, be sweet to you, and understand you." adam said "great! how much will she cost me?" the answer came back, "an arm and a leg." "well," said adam "what can i get for a rib?"
so god makes adam and adam walks through eden, simply existing. but things in eden get a little slow so god says, "adam, for you i will create a woman." adam is interested.
"she will be everything you could possibly want in a woman, she will be beautiful, professionally and financially successful, a great mother and awesome in bed."
god has adam's full attention. adam wonders what he has done to fall under such good graces. "but," god says, "it's going to cost you an arm and a leg."
adam stops and thinks,
"well god, that sound like a pretty good deal but what can i get for a rib?"
adam was returning home late one night in paradise after drinking with the dodo and the unicorn. eve got angry and yelled at him: "you are seeing another woman!"
adam responded: "don't be silly, you are the only woman on earth" and went to sleep.
later that night adam woke up, feeling a tickle in his chest and saw it was eve. "what are you doing?" he asked.
"i'm counting your ribs" she responded.
oakland raiders wide receiver randy moss, who suffered rib and groin injuries during sunday's game against the san diego chargers, demanded "large quantities of medicinal marijuana and a couple bags of chips" from his team doctor, sources said yesterday.
"make that about five bags of chips," moss said. "the good weed really gets my snack groove on."
moss previously stated he smokes marijuana "occasionally," a revelation that drew the ire of nfl management.
an anonymous nfl official said moss "smokes the ganja about as frequently as he smokes defensive backs...we have a real problem on our hands here."
"if this medicinal stuff is weaker than the original, my doctor better give me a huge amount," moss said. "i've found two suitcases full usually does the trick."
"mr. moss is trying to manipulate the nfl drug policy with his evil designs," said nfl commissioner paul tagliabue.
"dude don't know what he's talking about," moss said in response. "i mean, i leave the minnesota vikings and they end up turning a cruise ship into caligula's summer home. go figure, man."
brokennewz
fat bastard wants mini-me in his stomach.
mmmmm....mmmm...grilling and barbecue season is just about here. i don`t want to take credit for this video; i just wanted to share a great recipe. you can find more of this guy`s videos at www.barbecueweb.com or http://youtube.com/user/barbecueweb
