Search Results for “pulled”
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Video:
a man is out fishing and realizes he was supposed to be home an hour ago. he jumps in his car and speeds away, checking his watch as he zooms over a small bridge. after crossing the bridge, he looks in his rear view mirror, only to see flashing blue and red lights. swearing to himself, he pulls to the side of the road.
the state trooper gets out of his car, walks up to the man's window and says, "i caught you on radar doing forty-five at the end of that bridge. the speed limit is thirty-five. can i see your license?"
as the man hands his license to the trooper, he says, "can't you give me a warning? i was late for work."
the trooper takes that license, starts to writes the ticket and says, "sorry, the law is the law. what do you do for a living?
"i'm a rectum stretcher," the man replies.
"a what??" the cop asks incredulously.
"a rectum stretcher," the man replies. "i go to people's houses when they need to be stretched. i start with one finger, then go to two, then three and four. then a whole hand. then two hands. then i pull my hands apart until it is a full six feet across."
the cop, whose jaw has dropped in amazement, peers over his sunglasses and asks, "what are you supposed to do with a six foot asshole?"
"give him a radar gun and stick him at the end of a bridge."
Video:
a beijing football fan refused to let the small matter of his house burning down disturb his enjoyment of tuesday's world cup match between france and spain.
a fire broke out in a hutong in the centre of the chinese capital at 3am local time on wednesday -- kickoff time in hanover -- and gutted the traditional courtyard dwelling, the beijing daily messenger reported.
"when the neighbours shouted 'fire!', i took my little baby and ran out in my nightclothes," the man's wife told the paper.
"my husband paid no attention to the danger, just grabbed the television and put it under his arm.
"after getting out of the house, he then set about finding an electric socket to plug in and continue watching his game."
the anti-social timing of the matches broadcast from germany, which is six hours behind china, has forced some chinese fans to go to great lengths to follow the action.
one man quit his job in beijing to return to his hometown chongqing so he could watch the whole tournament uninterrupted.
state news agency xinhua reported that the 23-year-old's boss at the it company had offered him a pay rise, but he turned it down flat, saying the world cup was more important than his job.
the guangzhou daily reported that local police were forced to release a thief arrested for stealing a mobile phone when the victim refused to press charges because he did not want to miss the start of a match.
although there are also many female world cup fans in china, one man in the southeastern city had to sign a contract with his wife agreeing to do all the housework during the month of the finals so he could watch the matches at night.
another from putian, fujian province, took a less diplomatic approach, xinhua reported.
when his cheers during the argentina-ivory coast match woke his wife and she switched off the television, he locked her in their bedroom and settled back down to watch the game ignoring her loud protests.
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