Spiked Humor Crave Online

Video:

parrots

the reason to get a parrot.

• 3.3074/5
• 493
• 5
• 3/8/2007
• by xerostar33

Video:

ruby the foul mouthed parrot

this parrot can't stop cursing!

• 3.7465/5
• 5042
• 19
• 3/10/2007
• by DaVyWaVyBaBy

Video:

parrot and cat

parrot strokes cat with claws.

• 4.3552/5
• 2910
• 21
• 1/3/2009
• by shumbum

Video:

crying parrot

crying parrot

• 4.1267/5
• 355
• 7
• 10/25/2009
• by delt_osvp

Video:

prostitute parrots...

a lady approaches her priest and says, "father, i have a problem. i have two female talking parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."

"what do they say?" the priest inquires.

"they only know how to say, 'hi, we're prostitutes. want to have some fun?'"

"that's terrible," the priest exclaims, "but i have a solution to your problem. bring your two female parrots over to my house, and i will put them with my two male talking parrots whom i taught to pray and read the bible. my parrots will teach your parrots to stop saying that terrible phrase, and your female parrots will learn to praise and worship."

"thank you!" the woman responds.

the next day, the woman brings her female parrots to the priest's house. his two male parrots are holding rosary beads and praying in their cage. the lady puts her two female parrots in with the male parrots, and the female parrots say, "hi, we're prostitutes, want to have some fun?"

one male parrot looks at the other male parrot and exclaims, "put the beads away. our prayers have been answered!"

• 3.4252/5
• 2328
• 7
• 12/25/2005
• by NikNak

Video:

the parrot and the lady

a lady is walking down the street to work and she sees a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store. the parrot says to her, "hey lady, you are really ugly."

well, the lady is furious! she storms past the store to her work.

on the way home she sees the same parrot and it says to her, "hey lady, you are really ugly."

she is incredibly angry now.

the next day the same parrot again says to her, "hey lady, you are really ugly."

the lady is so ticked that she goes into the store and says that she will sue the store and kill the bird. the store manager apologizes profusely and promises he will make sure the parrot doesn't say it again.

when the lady walks past the store that day after work the parrot calls to her, "hey lady."

she pauses and says,"yes?"

the bird says, "you know."

• 4.184/5
• 433
• 2
• 3/15/2006
• by sn1per_uk

Video:

my parrot

this is a picture of my parrot. he is a black headed caique.

• 2.9088/5
• 2926
• 10
• 5/13/2006
• by Arcoo

Video:

beatbox parrot

a parrot that raps and does beatbox noises.

• 4.1732/5
• 9269
• 32
• 7/26/2006
• by Itachi

Video:

parrot dancing

this is my parrot dancing to run dmc, i hope you think he is as funny as i do.

• 3.2953/5
• 5035
• 24
• 8/23/2006
• by wizofthenet

Video:

amazing parrot

this parrot is very obedient. his tricks include playing dead and playing golf.

• 3.25/5
• 44142
• 53
• 12/14/2006
• by DaVyWaVyBaBy

Video:

fico the sliding parrot

this parrot likes to slide down the railing.

• 4.026/5
• 3021
• 8
• 8/3/2007
• by DaVyWaVyBaBy

Video:

the techno parrot

if the techno viking had a pet, this would be it. all hail techno parrot!

• 4.396/5
• 5781
• 26
• 10/31/2007
• by Nny

Video:

shagged by a rare parrot

stephen fry sees photographer get humped by a parrot.

• 4.7426/5
• 5695
• 24
• 10/1/2009
• by boldfart

Video:

a woman had two female parrots

a woman had two female parrots who were always yelling, "we're prostitutes, wanna have a little fun?"

one day, she was talking to her preacher about this. he said he had two male parrots and all they did was read the bible.

he thought perhaps they would be a good influence on the two females. so they put the four parrots together.

so, the females yelled at the male parrots, "we're prostitutes, wanna have a little fun?"

one male parrot said to the other, "put the bibles away! we've made it to heaven!"

• 3.8806/5
• 1792
• 8
• 9/9/2006
• by Sh4x

Video:

the parrot

an elderly woman was looking for a pet to be a good companion and not too much trouble. the pet store owner suggested a parrot, showed it to her, and guaranteed it would be a wonderful companion.

the woman asked it it would behave if she took it to church with her on sundays. the owner said it shouldn't be a problem and that she could put him on her shoulder and he would stay there. she bought the parrot and for the next week spent time getting to know him. assured that he spoke properly and was well-behaved, she put him on her shoulder and went off to church.

just as everyone was quieted down and the sermon began, the parrot looked around, squawked, and said, "it's goddamned cold in here!!" everyone turned around to look at her and she ran out of the church in total embarassment.

all the next week she talked to the parrot, explaining the necessity to remain quiet during church services. the parrot understood so next sunday she put him on her shoulder and went to church. once again, just as everything got quiet and the sermon began, the parrot squawked, looked around, and said, "it's goddamned cold in here!!" again the woman ran out of the church.

the next day she returned to the pet store and explained the embarassing situation to the owner. since she didn't want to get rid of the parrot, the owner offered the following solution to her,,,,"if the parrot does that again, grab him by both legs and swing him around 5 or 6 times, then return him to your shoulder". "that'll work?", asked the woman.

"guaranteed!", exclaimed the owner.

so, the next sunday she took the parrot to church and. sure enough, just as the sermon started, the parrot squawked, "it's goddamned cold in here!!". without hesistation, the woman grabbed his legs and swung him around half a dozen times and returned him to her shoulder.

a second later the parrot shook his head and said, "it's pretty fuckin' windy, too!"

• 4.1561/5
• 420
• 0
• 2/16/2006
• by sn1per_uk

Video:

the parrot and the magician

a young magician started to work on a cruise ship with his pet parrot. the parrot would always ruin his act by saying things like, “he has a card up his sleeve” or “he has a dove in his pocket.” one day the ship sank and the magician and the parrot found themselves alone on a lifeboat. for a couple of days, they just sat there looking at each other. finally, the parrot broke the silence and said, “okay, i give up. what did you do with the ship?”

• 3.5651/5
• 789
• 1
• 1/21/2008
• by SomeoneUKno

Video:

a parrot joke

this lady approaches a priest and tells him, "father, i these two talking female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing: 'hi, we're prostitutes. do you want to have some fun?' "

"that's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "but i have a solution to your problem. you can put them with my two male talking parrots. i taught them to read the bible and pray the rosary."

the lady brings over her parrots and puts them in the priest's cage. "hi, we're prostitutes. do you want to have some fun?" they say.

one male parrot looks over at the other and exclaims, "put the beads away. our prayers have been answered!"

• 3.4575/5
• 1420
• 1
• 3/29/2007
• by el_loco123

Video:

parrot saves baby

a babysitter's parrot is being credited with helping save the life of a 2-year-old girl who was choking friday at a denver area home while the sitter was in the bathroom.

"while i was in the bathroom, willie (the parrot) started screaming like i'd never heard him scream before and he started flapping his wings," said meagan, the babysitter. "then he started saying 'mama baby' over and over and over again until i came out and looked at hannah and hannah's face was turning blue because she was choking on her pop tart."

meagan performed the heimlich maneuver on hannah, which stopped the choking.

"if (willie) wouldn't have warned me, i probably wouldn't have come out of the bathroom in time because she was already turning blue, her lips were blue and everything," meagan said.

source

• 4.7031/5
• 1758
• 13
• 11/14/2008
• by bajaboy

Video:

rude parrot

david received a parrot for his birthday. this parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary. every other word was an expletive. those that weren`t expletives were, to say the least, rude.

david tried to change the bird`s attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, anything he could think of to try and set a good example. nothing worked. he yelled at the bird and the bird got worse. he shook the bird and the bird got more angry and more rude.

finally in a moment of desperation, david put the parrot in the freezer. for a few moments he heard the bird squawking and kicking and screaming then suddenly there was quiet. david was frightened that he might have actually hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door.

the parrot calmly stepped out onto david`s extended arm and said, "i`m sorry that i might have offended you with my language and actions and ask for your forgiveness. i will endeavor to correct my behavior."

david was astounded at the bird`s change in attitude, and was just about to ask what had made such a drastic change, when the parrot continued,

"now, if i may ask, what did the chicken do?"

• 3.7067/5
• 535
• 0
• 3/4/2009
• by TigerRenko

Video:

horny parrot

a guy has a horny parrot. it's terrible. every time he reaches into the cage, the bird humps his arm. he invites his mother to tea, the bird keeps saying foul things.

finally he takes the parrot to a vet. the vet examines the bird extensively, says, "well, you have a horny male parrot. i have a sweet young female bird, and for fifteen dollars your bird can go in the cage with mine."

the guy's parrot is listening and says, "come on! come on! what are you waiting for??" finally, the guy says all right and hands over the fifteen dollars. the vet takes the parrot, puts him in the cage with the female bird, closes the curtain. suddenly, "kwah! kwah! kwah!" feathers come flying out of the cage.

the vet says, "holy gee," and runs across the room and opens the curtain. the male bird has the female bird down on the bottom of the cage, pulling out all her feathers. he's saying, "for fifteen bucks, i want you naked. naked!"

• 3.6979/5
• 798
• 0
• 2/3/2006
• by sn1per_uk

Video:

a parrot and a chicken

jimmy received a parrot for christmas. the parrot was fully grown, with a very bad attitude and worse vocabulary. every other word was an expletive; those that weren't expletives were, to say the least, rude. jimmy tried to change the bird's attitude by constantly saying polite words, playing soft music... anything he could think of. nothing worked.

he yelled at the bird, and the bird got worse. he shook the bird, but the bird only became more angry and more rude.

finally, in a moment of desperation, jimmy put the parrot in the freezer. for a few moments he heard the bird swearing, squawking, kicking and screaming and then, suddenly, there was an eerie silence.

jimmy was frightened that he might have actually hurt the bird, and quickly opened the freezer door.

the parrot calmly stepped out onto jimmy's extended arm and said, "i'm sorry that i offended you with my language and actions, and i ask your forgiveness. i will endeavor to correct my behavior".

jimmy was astounded at the changes in the bird's attitude and was about to ask what had changed him, when the parrot shuddered slightly and said, "may i ask what the chicken did?"

• 3/5
• 984
• 2
• 10/16/2005
• by cruel_boy

Video:

lost parrot tells vet his address

tokyo — when yosuke the parrot flew out of his cage and got lost, he did exactly what he had been taught — recite his name and address to a stranger willing to help.

police rescued the african grey parrot two weeks ago from a neighbor's roof in the city of nagareyama, near tokyo. after spending a night at the station, he was transferred to a nearby veterinary hospital while police searched for clues, local policeman shinjiro uemura said.

he kept mum with the cops, but began chatting after a few days with the vet.

"i'm mr. yosuke nakamura," the bird told the veterinarian, according to uemura. the parrot also provided his full home address, down to the street number, and even entertained the hospital staff by singing songs.

"we checked the address, and what do you know, a nakamura family really lived there. so we told them we've found yosuke," uemura said.

the nakamura family told police they had been teaching the bird its name and address for about two years.

but yosuke apparently wasn't keen on opening up to police officials.

"i tried to be friendly and talked to him, but he completely ignored me," uemura said.

source
gotta love iago.

• 4.7222/5
• 1979
• 6
• 5/22/2008
• by InsayneJayne

Video:

christmas parrot

a man wants to buy a pet for his girlfriend for christmas, so he goes to a pet shop...

"hello, i was thinking of buying a pet for my girlfriend."

"you came to the right place. how about a parrot?"

"i don`t know, i was thinking of a more romantic animal."

"it is not just a parrot. it is a singing parrot. he sings three different christmas songs. let me show you."

the pet shop worker raises the parrot`s right foot and lights a match under it. the parrot sings, "we wish you a merry christmas, we wish.." the match is then removed.

he then lights a match under the left foot. "dashing through the snow in a one horse opeen sleigh..." the match is then removed.

the man enthusiastically says, "that`s really neat. let me hear the third song."

the pet shop worker then puts a lit match between the parrot`s legs. "chestnuts roasting on an open fire.."

• 3.3024/5
• 354
• 0
• 12/2/2006
• by obcrip

Video:

rainbow lorikeet parrot

this parrot can be found in australia, eastern indonesia, papua new guinea, new caledonia, solomon islands and vanuatu. its habitat is rainforest, coastal bush and woodland areas.

• 4.5225/5
• 4005
• 8
• 3/9/2009
• by InsayneJayne