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even though it's called hte millennium bridge and was intended to be open to the public by 2000, it wasn't fully open until 2002
stock: a magical piece of paper that is worth $37.50 until the moment you buy it. it will then be worth $8.95. bond: what you had with your spouse until you pawned his/her golf clubs to invest in amazon.com. broker: the person you trust to help you make major financial decisions. please note the first five letters of this word spell "broke." bear: what your trade account and wallet will be when you take a flyer on that hot stock tip your secretary gave you. bull: what your broker uses to explain why your mutual funds tanked during the last quarter. margin: where you scribble the latest quotes when you're supposed to be listening to your manager's presentation. short position: a type of trade where, in theory, a person sells stocks he doesn't actually own. since this also only ever works in theory, a short position is what a person usually ends up being in. (i.e. "the rent, sir? ha. ha. ha. well, i'm a little short this month.") commission: the only reliable way to wake money on the stock market, which is why your broker charges you one. yak: what you do into a pail when you discover your stocks have plunged and your broker is making a margin call.
stress puppy: a person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny. tourists: people who take training classes just to get a vacation from their jobs. treeware: hacker slang for documentation or other printed material. umfriend: a personal relation of dubious standing or a concealed intimate relationship, as in "this is dylan, my ... um ... friend." uninstalled: euphemism for being fired. heard on the voice-mail of a vice president at a downsizing computer firm: "you have reached the number of an uninstalled vice president. please dial our main number and ask the operator for assistance. *(syn: decruitment.) xerox subsidy: euphemism for swiping free photocopies from one's workplace. yuppie food stamps: the ubiquitous $20 bills spewed out of atms everywhere. often used when trying to split the bill after lunch, "we each owe $8, but all anybody's got are yuppie food stamps." 404: someone who's clueless. from the world wide web error message "404 not found," meaning that the requested document could not be located. "don't bother asking him; he's 404, man."
flight risk: used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to leave a company or department soon. good job: a "get-out-of-debt" job. a well-paying job people take in order to pay off their debts, one that they will quit as soon as they are solvent again. idea hamsters: people who always seem to have their idea generator running. mouse potato: the on-line, wired generation's answer to the couch potato. ohnosecond: that minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a big mistake. percussive maintenance: the fine art of whacking the heck out of an electronic device to get it to work again. prairie dogging: when someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and people's heads pop up over the walls to see what's going on. sitcoms: (single income, two children, oppressive mortgage) what yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.
adminishpere: the rarefied organizational layers beginning just above the rank and file. decisions that fall from the adminisphere are often profoundly inappropriate or irrelevant to the problems they were designed to solve. alpha geek: the most knowledgeable, technically proficient person in an office or work group. blamestorming: sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible. chainsaw consultant: an outside expert brought in to reduce the employee headcount, leaving the top brass with clean hands. chips & salsa: chips = hardware, salsa = software. "well, first we gotta figure out if the problem is in your chips or your salsa. clm -career limiting move: used to describe ill-advised activity. trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot is a serious clm. cube farm: an office filled with cubicles. dilberted: to be exploited and oppressed by your boss. derived from the experiences of dilbert, the comic strip character. "i've been dilberted again. the old man revised the specs for the fourth time this week."
