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anger management ... stick death style.
a sales rep, an administration clerk and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. they rub it and a genie comes out in a puff of smoke. the genie says, "i usually only grant three wishes, so i`ll give each of you just one." "me first! me first!" says the admin clerk."i want to be in the bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." poof! she`s gone. in astonishment, "me next! me next!" says the sales rep. "i want to be in hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of pinna coladas and the love of my life." poof! he`s gone. ok, you`re up," the genie says to the manager. the manager says, "i want those two back in the office after lunch." management lesson? always let your boss have the first say.
a magazine recently ran a "management quotes" contest. they were looking for people to submit quotes from their real-life dysfunctional managers. here are the top ten finalists: 1. "as of tomorrow, employees will only be able to access the building using individual security cards. pictures will be taken next wednesday and employees will receive their cards in two weeks." (this was the winning quote from fred dales, microsoft corp. in redmond, wa) 2. "what i need is an exact list of specific unknown problems we might encounter." (lykes lines shipping) 3. "e-mail is not to be used to pass on information or data. it should be used only for company business." (accounting manager, electric boat company) 4. "this project is so important, we can`t let things that are more important interfere with it." (advertising/marketing manager, united parcel service) 5. "doing it right is no excuse for not meeting the schedule." (plant manager, delco corporation) 6. "no one will believe you solved this problem in one day! we`ve been working on it for months. now, go act busy for a few weeks and i`ll let you know when it`s time to tell them." (r&d supervisor, minnesota mining and manufacturing/3m corp.) 7. quote from the boss: "teamwork is a lot of people doing what i say." (marketing executive, citrix corporation) 8. my sister passed away and her funeral was scheduled for monday. when i told my boss, he said she died on purpose so that i would have to miss work on the busiest day of the year. he then asked if we could change her burial to friday. he said, "that would be better for me." (shipping executive, ftd florists) 9. "we know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees." (switching supervisor, at&t long lines division) 10. one day my boss asked me to submit a status report to him concerning a project i was working on. i asked him if tomorrow would be soon enough. he said, "if i wanted it tomorrow, i would have waited until tomorrow to ask for it!" (hallmark cards executive)
'change' tee.
flapping around and crapping on everyone’s work.
needs you to desire more cheese
a different, more convenient, means of relieving waste for the hardcore geeks.
this clip is from the movie: the yes men. they setup a fake website http://www.gatt.org/ that makes a mockery of the http://www.wto.org/ site. they were invited to finland to speak at a conference and did this spoof. unbelievably, the audience was not moved and clapped politely at the end.
this is a clip from steve coogan's new show entitiled saxondale. it's pretty good, although in his own words: "it's something new i'm trying. when it fails, i'll go back to partridge."
phobia clinic dealing with people's fears of different things. watch it, it's funny :)
a short clip from "respectable", a uk sitcom.
ok.. i searched for suburbanites... 0 hits... anyway two white middle managment men rap about the suburban life style in america. its pretty funny... and sadly... quite true.
i think this crazy suit is an excellent idea!
- the first myth of management is that it exists. - some people manage by the book, even though they don't know who wrote the book or even what book. - give all orders verbally. never write anything down that might go into a "pearl harbor file". - we are too busy mopping the floor to turn off the faucet. - management by objectives is no better than the objectives. - "i've given you an unlimited budget, and you have already exceeded it!"
a crow was sitting in a tree, doing nothing all day. a small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "can i also sit like you and do nothing all day long?" the crow answered: "sure, why not." so, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. all of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it. management lesson: to be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.
every little bit helps.
