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one night a man and woman went to his house to have sex when he stopped her to say "i still live with my parents and me and my brother share bunk beds so if you want to change positions say "lettuce" and if you want to go faster say "tomatos"
so they were getting it on and she was screaming "lettuce, lettuce, tomatos, lettuce, tomatos, tomatos"
suddenly the younger brother (on the bottom bunk) said
"could you stop making sandwiches your getting mayonase on me"!
a man walked into the produce section of his local supermarket and asked to buy a half head of lettuce. the boy working in that department told him that they only sold whole heads of lettuce. the man was insistent that the boy ask his manager about the matter. walking into the back room, the boy said to the manager, "some asshole wants to buy a half head of lettuce." as he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "and this gentleman kindly offered to buy the other half." the manager approved the deal and the man went on his way. later the manager said to the boy, "i was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. we like people who think on their feet here. where are you from, son?" "oklahoma, sir." the boy replied. "well, why did you leave oklahoma?" the manager asked. the boy said, "sir, there's nothing but whores and football players down there. "really?" said the manager. "my wife is from oklahoma." "no shit?" replied the boy. "who'd she play for?"
a judge has fined a woman in pennslyvannia $173.50 - for throwing a piece of lettuce from a mcdonald's burger out of her car window.
dawn higgins, who was cited oct. 18 while parked outside a wal-mart near easton, appeared in northampton county common pleas court on thursday.
higgins has said she took her daughters and a friend to the store, and they stopped at a mcdonald's along the way. she said she pulled into a parking space to finish her meal but decided not to eat the half-dozen or so leaves atop her salad.
after failing to appear before a district judge on dec. 22, higgins discovered that she had been convicted in absentia and owed the state $173.50. she appealed, arguing that lettuce is biodegradable.
president judge robert a. freedberg on thursday found higgins guilty after listening to her attorney pepper a police officer with questions about lettuce.
higgins is mulling an appeal to state superior court "as a matter of principle," said her lawyer, timothy prendergast. probably the most expensive mcdonald's salad ever sold," he added.
court tv
that would be a scary costume.
