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an anchorwoman spoofs and says gay instead of blind.
forget the candy.
there will be no nursing home in my future........ when i get old and feeble, i am going to get on a princess cruise ship. the average cost for a nursing home is $200 per day. i have checked on reservations at princess and i can get a long term discount and senior discount price of $135 per day. that leaves $65 a day for: 1. gratuities which will only be $10 per day. 2. i will have as many as 10 meals a day if i can waddle to the restaurant, or i can have room service ( which means i can have breakfast in bed every day of the week). 3. princess has as many as three swimming pools, a workout room, free washers and dryers, and shows every night. 4. they have free toothpaste and razors, and free soap and shampoo. 5. they will even treat you like a customer, not a patient. an extra $5 worth of tips will have the entire staff scrambling to help you. 6. i will get to meet new people every 7or 14 days. 7. t.v. broken? light bulb need changing? need to have the mattress replaced? no problem! they will fix everything and apologize for your inconvenience. 8. clean sheets and towels every day, and you don't even have to ask for them. 9. if you fall in the nursing home and break a hip you are on medicare. if you fall and break a hip on the princess ship they will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life. now hold on for the best! do you want to see south america, the panama canal, tahiti, australia, new zealand, asia, or name where you want to go? princess will have a ship ready to go. so don't look for me in a nursing home, just call shore to ship.
one day andy goes to vist his irish friend bill, who has recently broken one of his legs. while sitting and talking, bill asks if andy can run upstairs and get him his pair of slippers. when andy goes upstairs, he accidentally walks into the wrong bedroom, and finds bill's twin daughters sitting the bed. thinking quickly, andy says to the girls, "hey, your father sent me up here to shag you both." "fuck off you pervert," yells one of the twins in response. "here, i'll prove it to you," says andy. he turns and shouts in the direction of the stairs, "both of them?" "of course," bill replies. "what's the use of fookin' one?!"
unicycles could be the way of the future.
port st. lucie — police are seeking an arrest warrant for a man accused of hitting his wife after she asked to smell his penis to determine whether he was cheating with another woman, according to a police report released wednesday. the 37-year-old victim told investigators her husband of three years punched her face and kicked her arms and legs monday night after she accused him of having an affair. the victim said she told her 25-year-old husband as he used the restroom "to display his penis to her so that she can smell it," the report states. she said she asked him to show his genital area so she could determine whether he was cheating with another woman. as she went to sniff her husband's penis, he reportedly punched her mouth and started to kick her when she was on the floor. the husband then fled the scene. police saw bruises and red marks on the victim's mouth, legs and arms. she became uncooperative when told a warrant would be filed for her husband's arrest. source don't marry someone who be 12 years younger bb - paranoia isn't healthy.
