Search Results for “husband”
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Video:
a lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands.
on their wedding night, she told her new husband, "please be gentle, i'm still a virgin."
"what?" said the puzzled groom.
"how can that be if you've been married ten times?"
"well, husband #1 was a sales representative: he kept telling me how great it was going to be.
husband #2 was in software services: he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.
husband #3 was from field services: he said everything checked out diagnostically but he just couldn't get the system up.
husband #4 was in telemarketing: even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.
husband #5 was an engineer: he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.
husband #6 was from finance and administration: he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.
husband #7 was in marketing: although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.
husband #8 was a psychologist: all he ever did was talk about it.
husband #9 was a gynecologist: all he did was look at it.
husband #10 was a stamp collector: all he ever did was... god! i miss him! but now that i've married you, i'm really excited!"
"good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"you're a lawyer. this time i know i'm gonna get screwed!"
Video:
a store that sells husbands has just opened in ottawa where a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men. the store is comprised of 6 floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights. there is, however, a catch. as you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building.
so a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband.
on the first floor the sign on the door reads: “floor 1 - these men have jobs.” the woman reads the sign and says to herself, “well, that’s better than my last boyfriend, but i wonder what’s further up?” so up she goes.
the second floor sign reads: “floor 2 - these men have jobs and love kids.” the woman remarks to herself, “that’s great, but i wonder what’s further up?” and up she goes again.
the third floor sign reads: “floor 3 - these men have jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking.” “hmmm, better.” she says. “but i wonder what’s upstairs?”
the fourth floor sign reads: “floor 4 - these men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, and help with the housework.” “wow!” exclaims the woman, “very tempting. but, there must be more further up!” and again she heads up another flight.
the fifth floor sign reads: “floor 5 - these men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak.” “oh, mercy me! but just think what must be awaiting me further on?” so up to the sixth floor she goes.
the sixth floor sign reads: “floor 6 - you are visitor 3,456,789,012 to this floor. there are no men on this floor. this floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please.”
