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even bees get horny for the hunnies.
just like modern men, prehistoric guys were horny little dirty dogs, trying to do anything to get a little bit of action.
two married buddies are out drinking one night, when one turns to the other and says, "you know, i don't know what else to do. whenever i go home after we've been out drinking, i turn the headlights off before i get to the driveway. i shut off the engine and coast into the garage. take myshoes off before i go into the house, i sneak up the stairs, get undressed in the bathroom, stick my foot in the toilet and pee down my leg to prevent splashing sounds. i ease into bed and my wife still wakes up, and yells at me for staying out late! "his buddy looks at him and says "well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. i screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, pee hard into the toilet water, then use the full flush, throw my shoes in the closet, undress in the bedroom, then jump into bed, slap her on the ass and say, who's horny????!!!" and she acts like she's sound asleep. it works every time!
there was an older man that was married to a much younger woman, and he was having trouble lasting long enough in bed. so he went to the doctor and was told he should please himself before having sex and he would last longer.
one day as 5 o'clock rolls around, he gets a call from his wife who says she's very horny. on his way home, he remembers what the doctor said and decides to jerk it before he gets home. he thinks, "well, i can't do it in the car, but if i get under it i can pretend i'm fixing my car." so he gets under the car, closes his eyes, and starts jerkin it.
a few minutes later, there's a tug at his pants leg. in order to keep the image of his beautiful wife, he doesn't open his eyes, but just hollars, "yeah?"
"i'm officer brown. what are you doing down there?"
"well, officer, i'm checking my axle; i think it's come lose."
"well, mister, while you're down there, you might wanna check your brakes; your car's 2 blocks down the road crashed into a tree."
this bull apparently hasn't gotten any for a long time. watch as he goes ape on this midget.
this walrus must be lonely. he decides to entertain a camera and, in the process, spills some bodily fluids.
this young girls reaction is price-less.
a model looking sexy.
when you forget about standards....
give your dog a bone
the panels speak for themselves - no need to translate.
this cats been watching his master infront of the computer just a tad too much.
what is he doing in that field with his pants down ?
poker commercial showing a bad poker face, as a secretary types up some papers.
this puss decides to try his look with the dog.
they bane of most senior citizens, too much porn.
poor little turtle is having the time of his life. some one should tell him that's not his future mrs.
horny cactus
horny puppet phones up a computer tech. she gets turned on by his voice.
just a small list of what makes this guy horny.
get your horny barbie and fast-action ken now!
a horny polar bear thinks an asian woman is a female polar bear.
jimmy feeling horny decides to go to the local brothel. jimmy: i am horny and i wanna have sex! but i only have 10 bucks! pimp: 10 bucks? there's no way i am letting you have sex with any of my girls for 10 bucks. jimmy: but i am really horny! isn't there something you could do? pimp: hmm... follow me. so the pimp takes jimmy to this dark room at the back and there's a chicken in the middle. pimp: you can't screw any of the girls, but for 10 bucks you can screw the chicken. jimmy takes the offer reluctantly and proceeds to screw the chicken. the next day, jimmy feels horny again and goes back to the brothel. jimmy: i am horny and i wanna have sex! i only have 5 bucks, can i screw the chicken? pimp: 5 bucks? hell no. jimmy: oh come on! isn't there something you can do? pimp: for 5 bucks you can watch a show. so the pimp leads jimmy to a room at the back where there are rows of seats. there's a glass on the wall and there's a guy screwing a sheep on the other side. jimmy: oh my god! that is the funniest thing i have ever seen! to which some one in the front row said. "you think that's funny. yesterday this guy was screwing a chicken." -the end-
a guy has a horny parrot. it's terrible. every time he reaches into the cage, the bird humps his arm. he invites his mother to tea, the bird keeps saying foul things.
finally he takes the parrot to a vet. the vet examines the bird extensively, says, "well, you have a horny male parrot. i have a sweet young female bird, and for fifteen dollars your bird can go in the cage with mine."
the guy's parrot is listening and says, "come on! come on! what are you waiting for??" finally, the guy says all right and hands over the fifteen dollars. the vet takes the parrot, puts him in the cage with the female bird, closes the curtain. suddenly, "kwah! kwah! kwah!" feathers come flying out of the cage.
the vet says, "holy gee," and runs across the room and opens the curtain. the male bird has the female bird down on the bottom of the cage, pulling out all her feathers. he's saying, "for fifteen bucks, i want you naked. naked!"
