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furtv: a furry f**king guide to metal - from fat ed
clip from the movie "hitch hikers guide to the galaxy"
from the "comedy connections" episode covering shooting stars with vic reeves and bob mortimer, a sketch called "the good sex guide"
a guide to the activity involved in the successful execution of one's conjugal rights, in order to produce offspring.
eva longoria posed for a 2004 copy of t.v. guide.
mona ramouni's fingers fly across the text as she proofreads yet another page of a calculus textbook to be published in braille - with her guide pony sitting patiently by. it is dull work for tiny cali who serves as ms ramouni's eyes through a world she cannot see, and the pony keeps butting her head into ms ramouni's chest. "cali! stop it,'' ms ramouni exclaims, but she can't keep the pride out of her voice when she realizes what the pretty brown pony with a soft black mane has gotten up to. rolling back her thick lips, cali has grasped the tab of the zipper on the bag of treats ms ramouni carries around her waist and is slowly pulling it open with her teeth. "she knows which part has the carrots,'' ms ramouni says in amazement. "she's really smart.'' cali is just one of a handful of miniature horses in the united states known to be used as guide animals for the blind. weighing in at under 45 kilograms , miniature horses are about the same size as a large dog but are much stockier and can help support people with mobility issues. they also have significantly longer life spans - they can live and work for more than 30 years while guide dogs are usually retired by age 12 - but require much more care and bear a far heftier price tag. cali is the first guide animal for ramouni, 28, a devout muslim whose parents - jordanian immigrants - would not accept a dog into their home. dog saliva is considered unclean in islamic teaching, although dogs are permitted to be used as work animals, such as guards or shepherds. source
here is some pretty impressive footage of a laser guided attack during the night. if anyone knows any more about this, post in the comments.
it can be a rough internet these days. everywhere you go it seems someone wants to do comment battle with you. comment battle can be a serious sport. folks are often beaten to a bloody pulp; the records of which are left in full public view for all to see. fear not, young pirate ninja. zero is here to help. i have put together this short guide to pwnag3 to help you defend yourself from attacks, whether provoked or not. read on and learn what i like to call “comment kung fu”.profanities always prevailthis isn’t happy fun candy land. sailors can’t even curse like internet users. using words like fuck, shit, and cunt is an unalienable right even for the red commie scum who aren’t human and hate apple pie. swearing is your duty to freedom.sarcasm wins battlesif there was ever a sword of greyskull that would pwnz any internet battle, it would be made entirely of sarcasm and be able to cut through tanks. there is strength in numberswhile there is nothing honorable about gang raping some poor chap over his religious beliefs, there is nothing shameful about it either. it is always good to have two or three folks waiting in a chat room somewhere to quickly join in and turn your internet mugging into an old school jumping.avoid emotional outburstswhen you take shit all seriously it makes you look like a little bitch. showing emotions during comment battle is akin to bleeding in a shark tank while you’re taking a swim. you will be systematically torn apart. maintain a composure of manliness at all times. you have been warned.keep your attacks short and sweetanything more than five or six sentences and no one will even bother to read. even that is pushing it. the best insults are and always have been one liners. save the thesis for the college professors.let the fights go on as long as they have tothis is as much of a battle of wills as it is wits. battles can sometimes go on for days, especially if some unemployed loser who never sleeps and pees in mountain dew bottles takes exception to your position that star trek sucked ass even though shattner was pimp sauce and decides engage you in a week long duel. sometimes it is better to just walk away.pictures are worth a thousand wordsor in this case, a thousand insults. the right picture posted at the right time can devastate any opponent, hiroshima style. however, use this tactic too much and you run the risk of looking like a semi-retarded inbred ape and people start slapping you around like a singapore slut.maturity is not a factor in any victorynowhere is it written that you have to be an adult about things. this is a virtual world full of video-taped beatings and pornography, fuck off with your civil behavior. that shit don’t live here.know when you have been pwnz3dno one likes to kick a dead dog. well, i heard bush does, but that a whole other editorial entirely. once you see that there is no possible way for you to come out on top of an argument, the honorable thing to do is find someone slower at another website and start over. in closing, remember this; fighting on the internet is like competing in the special olympics. you may win, but it is not something that will get you laid.
the most effective way to translate into 3+ different languages.
what to do and what not to do a first date.
some good advice on how to live our lives: do not walk behind me, for i may not lead. do not walk ahead of me, for i may not follow. do not walk beside me either, just f---off and leave me alone. the journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tyre. the darkest hours come just before the dawn. so if you're going to steal your neighbour's milk and newspaper, that's the time to do it. sex is like air. it only becomes really important when you aren't getting any. don't aspire to become irreplaceable. if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted. remember, no-one is listening until you fart. never forget that you are unique, like everyone else. never test the depth of the water with both feet. if you think nobody cares whether you're dead or alive, try missing a couple of mortgage payments if at first you don't succeed, avoid skydiving. give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day. have you ever lent someone $20 and never seen that person again? it was probably worth it. if you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything. some days we are the flies; some days we are the windscreen. don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time. good judgment comes from experience, experience comes from bad judgment. the quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket. there are two theories about how to win an argument with a woman. neither one works. generally speaking, you aren't learning much if your lips are moving. never miss a good chance to shut up. experience is something you don't get until just after you need it. when we are born we are naked, wet, hungry, and we get smacked on our arse. from there on in, life gets worse.
blow job (sitting) if emergency fecal evacuation is required, this position may be used for performing a blumpkin maneuver. in this case, be sure the commode lid is open.
blow job (standing) if you do not swallow, please spit into the commode, or alternately, the sink.
cunnilingus to avoid being overwhelmed by a foul odor, be sure that the commode lid is shut before your female partner is seated. if the commode is closed and you are still overwhelmed by a foul odor during cunnilingus, we suggest your partner review basic hygiene procedures. unfortunately, due to space considerations, an in-flight bidet is not available.
fingering (seated) after inserting a hand into your partner’s panties, digitally stimulate her clitoris using up-and-down, side-to-side, or circular motions. if you cannot locate the clitoris, refer to the detailed diagram on the other side of this card.
intercourse - doggy-style against sink save time by using this position to wash your hands or fix your makeup while having sex.
intercourse – sitting on sink avoid activating the faucet in this position or you’ll end up with an extra large wet spot.
this is from a futurama episode and is also in the al gore film "an inconvenient truth". none like it hot! simple, humorous and informative.
homer simpson sings his version of do-ray-mi
man's best friend indeed.
while cooking a tin can, the coyote spots a better meal rushing by- the road runner. but making himself into a giant arrow doesn't catch the bird, and the book, "how to tar and feather a road runner", isn't much help either.
featuring locust.
borat goes to a gun club and then to a fitness center.
borat and his amazing adventures.
