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Video:
subject: cows
democrat
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you have two cows.
your neighbor has none.
you feel guilty for being successful.
barbra streisand sings for you.
republican
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you have two cows.
your neighbor has none.
so?
socialist
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you have two cows.
the government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
you form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.
communist
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you have two cows.
the government seizes both and provides you with milk.
you wait in line for hours to get it.
it is expensive and sour.
capitalism, american style
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you have two cows.
you sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.
democracy, american style
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you have two cows.
the government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.
bureaucracy, american style
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you have two cows.
under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain.
american corporation
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you have two cows.
you sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an ipo on the 2nd one.
you force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. you are surprised when one cow drops dead.
you spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
your stock goes up.
french corporation
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you have two cows.
you go on strike because you want three cows.
you go to lunch and drink wine.
life is good.
japanese corporation
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you have two cows.
you redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
they learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
most are at the top of their class at cow school.
german corporation
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you have two cows.
you engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.
italian corporation
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you have two cows but you don't know where they are.
while ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
you break for lunch.
life is good.
russian corporation
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you have two cows.
you have some vodka.
you count them and learn you have five cows.
you have some more vodka.
you count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
the mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.
taliban corporation
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you have all the cows in afghanistan, which are two.
you don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts.
then you kill them and claim a us bomb blew them up while they were in the hospital.
iraqian corporation
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you have two cows.
they go into hiding.
they send radio tapes of their mooing.
polish corporation
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you have two bulls.
employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.
florida corporation
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you have a black cow and a brown cow.
everyone votes for the best looking one.
some of the people who like the brown one best, vote for the black one. some people vote for both.
some people vote for neither.
some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the best-looking cow.
california corporation
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you have millions of cows
most are illegals
arnold likes the ones with the big tits.
Video:
government officials in guiyang, capital of guizhou province, announced on tuesday that they had received $20 million from a taiwan-based company to build a ufo research facility in china.
the project is a result of several people in the city's baiyun district claiming they were visited by extraterrestials in 1994. with the new research facility, scientists hope to reproduce the mysterious moment through photos and historical documentation.
in 1994, more than 27 pine trees in a forest farm in the district mysteriously fell down. however, nearby plastic shelters stood intact.
an nearby motor vehicle factory reported similar unexlained events: steel pipes were strangely broken; a huge truck was found more than 20 metres away from its original place; and a factory employee claims he was mysteriously pulled up in the air by an "unknown" force.
however, while some thought it was ufos behind these events, scientists stated after a field trip to the locations that thunder, lightning and tornados were the probable causes. wang fangchen, a biologist who visited the site right after the event, said the city's plan to build a ufo research base is "ridiculous."
"where do they recruit scientists for the research?" he asked, before adding: "i won't oppose it if they just want to promote local tourism through the programme." li jing, a senior astronomer with the national astronomical observatories, echoed the view. li said china does not have an official ufo research institute because "it needs scientists of various disciplines."
"it can be an atmospheric phenomenon, or a biological issue, or a physical reaction," li said. "people often mistake planes, clouds and insects, as well as strange shadows on photographs, as being ufos," said zhou xiaoqiang, secretary-general with the beijing ufo research association.
"if aliens really came, they would more likely appear before our eyes politely than hide themselves."
i wonder how this is going to pan out...
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