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ted talks: alain de botton: a kinder, gentler philosophy of success alain de botton examines our ideas of success and failure -- and questions the assumptions underlying these two judgments. is success always earned? is failure? he makes an eloquent, witty case to move beyond snobbery to find true pleasure in our work.
38 kinder, gentler ways to say someone is stupid 1. a few clowns short of a circus 2. a few fries short of a happy meal 3. an experiment in artificial stupidity 4. a few beers short of a six-pack 5. dumber than a box of hair 6. a few peas short of a casserole 7. doesn't have all his cornflakes in one box 8. the wheel's spinning but the hamster's dead 9. one froot loop shy of a full bowl 10. one taco short of a combo plate 11. a few feathers short of a whole duck 12. all foam, no beer 13. the cheese slid off the cracker 14. body by fisher - brains by mattel 15. has an iq of 2 and it takes 3 to grunt 16. warning: objects in mirror are dumber than they appear 17. couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel 18. he fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down 19. an intellect rivalled only by garden tools 20. as smart as bait 21. chimney's clogged 22. doesn't have all his dogs on one leash 23. doesn't know much but leads the league in nostril hair 24. elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor 25. forgot to pay his brain bill 26. her sewing machine's out of thread 27. his antenna doesn't pick up all the channels 28. his belt doesn't go through all the loops 29. if he had another brain it would be lonely 30. missing a few buttons on his remote control 31. no grain in the silo 32. proof that evolution can go in reverse 33. receiver is off the hook 34. several nuts short of a full pouch 35. skylight leaks a little 36. slinky's kinked 37. surfing in nebraska 38. too much yardage between the goal posts
a rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet rural pub. she gestures alluringly to the barman who comes over immediately. when he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers. when he does so, she begins to gently caress his beard which is full and bushy. "are you the landlord?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands. "actually, no" he replies. "can you get him for me - i need to speak to him?" she asks, running her hands up beyond his beard and into his hair. "im afraid i cant" breathes the barman - clearly aroused. "is there anything i can do?" "yes there is. i need you to give him a message" she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to suck them gently. "tell him that there is no loo paper in the ladies."
just say uncle.
1. a few clowns short of a circus 2. a few fries short of a happy meal 3. an experiment in artificial stupidity 4. a few beers short of a six-pack 5. dumber than a box of hair 6. a few peas short of a casserole 7. doesn't have all his cornflakes in one box 8. the wheel's spinning but the hamster's dead 9. one froot loop shy of a full bowl 10. one taco short of a combo plate 11. a few feathers short of a whole duck 12. all foam, no beer 13. the cheese slid off the cracker 14. body by fisher - brains by mattel 15. has an iq of 2 and it takes 3 to grunt 16. warning: objects in mirror are dumber than they appear 17. couldn't pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel 18. he fell out of the stupid tree and hit every branch on the way down 19. an intellect rivalled only by garden tools 20. as smart as bait 21. chimney's clogged 22. doesn't have all his dogs on one leash 23. doesn't know much but leads the league in nostril hair 24. elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor 25. forgot to pay his brain bill 26. her sewing machine's out of thread 27. his antenna doesn't pick up all the channels 28. his belt doesn't go through all the loops 29. if he had another brain it would be lonely 30. missing a few buttons on his remote control 31. no grain in the silo 32. proof that evolution can go in reverse 33. receiver is off the hook 34. several nuts short of a full pouch 35. skylight leaks a little 36. slinky's kinked 37. surfing in nebraska 38. too much yardage between the goal posts
a great line from homer in the simpsons.
not a hope in hell sweetie.
bad breath from the gentle sea cow
