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Video:

brunette meets genie

a brunette is walking through the country, when she finds a bottle. she rubs it and, you guessed it, a genie appears. the genie says, "you are allowed three wishes. but, i must warn you, anything you get, all the blondes in the world get twice as much."

the woman says, "okay. give me a nice house."

the genie replies, "you now have one nice house and all the blondes in the world have two."

the the lady says, "give me a gorgeous man."

the genie replies, "you now have one gorgeous man, while all the blondes have two."

the lady says, "for my last wish, genie, see that stick over there? beat me half to death with it.

• 4.0343/5
• 1499
• 4
• 3/6/2007
• by Bobo12

Video:

blackman meets a genie

blackman meets a genie who grants him a wish he says i want to be white and surrounded by pussy so the genie turns him into a tampax! moral of the story is that you may get what you wished for but there is always a string attached.

• 4.0088/5
• 1023
• 0
• 1/20/2008
• by Muffhew

Video:

genie in a bottle

a woman rubbed a bottle and out popped a genie. the amazed woman asked if she got three wishes. the genie said, "nope, sorry, three-wish genies are a storybook myth. i'm a one-wish genie. so... what'll it be?"

the woman did not hesitate. she said, "i want peace in the middle east. see this map? i want these countries to stop fighting with each other and i want all the arabs to love the jews and americans and vice-versa. it will bring about world peace and harmony."

the genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "lady, be reasonable. these countries have been at war for thousands of years. i'm out of shape after being in a bottle for five hundred years.. i'm good but not that good! i don't think it can be done. make another wish and please be reasonable."

the woman thought for a minute and said, "well, i've never been able to find the right man. you know - one that's considerate and fun, romantic, likes to cook and help with the house cleaning, is good in bed, and gets along with my family, doesn't watch sports all the time, and is faithful. that is what i wish for...a good man."

the genie let out a sigh and said, "let me see the fucking map again."

• 3.545/5
• 3676
• 8
• 9/7/2006
• by B_Drake

Video:

the genie

trying to escape through pakistan, osama bin laden found a bottle on a beach and picked it up.

suddenly, a female genie rose from the bottle and with a smile said "master, may i grant you one wish?"

"you ignorant, unworthy daughter-of-a-dog! don't you know who i am?

i don't need any common woman giving me anything" barked bin laden.

the shocked genie said "please, i must grant you a wish or i will be returned to that bottle forever."

osama thought a moment, then grumbled about the impertinence of the woman and said

"very well, i want to awaken with three american women in my bed in the morning.

so just do it and be off with you!"

the annoyed genie said, "so be it !"

and disappeared.

the next morning bin laden woke up in bed

with -

lorena bobbitt,

tonya harding,

and hillary clinton.

his penis was gone,

his knees were broken,

and he had no health insurance.

god is good.

• 3.3445/5
• 839
• 5
• 12/6/2005
• by JBchillin

Video:

game genie!

old school fun!

• 3.7857/5
• 6397
• 24
• 11/16/2006
• by tokentiki

Video:

genie lamp costume

'rub me'

• 3.8874/5
• 3200
• 3
• 6/12/2009
• by InsayneJayne

Video:

genie

a man walks into a bar and finds a genie in a lamp. the genie will only grant him one wish. the man wishes to be a million times smarter than any man on earth. *poof* the genie turns him into a woman

• 3/5
• 39
• 0
• 6/18/2009
• by TigerRenko

Video:

the programmer and the genie

a programmer was walking along the beach when he found a lamp. upon rubbing the lamp a genie appeared who stated "i am the most powerful genie in the world. i can grant you any wish you want, but only one wish." the programmer pulled out a map of the mediterranean area and said "i'd like there to be a just and last peace among the people in the middle east." the genie responded, "gee, i don't know. those people have been fighting since the beginning of time. i can do just about anything, but this is beyond my limits." the programmer then said, "well, i am a programmer and my programs have a lot of users. please make all the users satisfied with my programs, and let them ask sensible changes" genie: "uh, let me see that map again."

• 4.75/5
• 53
• 0
• 6/10/2009
• by TigerRenko

Video:

genie sued for harassment

a family in saudi arabia is taking a "genie" to court, accusing it of theft and harassment, reports say.

they accuse the spirit of threatening them, throwing stones and stealing mobile phones, al watan newspaper said.

the family have lived in the same house near the city of medina for 15 years but say they only recently became aware of the spirit. they have now moved out.

a local court is investigating. in islamic theology, genies are spirits that can harass or possess humans.

"we began to hear strange sounds," the head of the family, who come from mahd al dahab, told the saudi daily. he did not want to be named.

"at first we did not take it seriously, but then stranger things started to happen and the children got particularly scared when the genie started throwing stones."

he added: "a woman spoke to me first, and then a man. they said we should get out of the house."

a local court says it is trying to verify the truthfulness of the claims "despite the difficulty" of doing so.

many westerners know the term genie from the tale of aladdin and the magic lamp, or the 1960s american sitcom, i dream of jeannie.

but the bbc's sebastian usher says genies, or jinn, in islamic theology can be a lot more sinister.

they are believed to be normally invisible but with the ability to assume human or animal form, and are often said to be motivated by revenge or jealousy.

there is a lingering belief in genies in the muslim world that predates islam, our correspondent says.

source

• 3.8515/5
• 1399
• 12
• 7/13/2009
• by InsayneJayne

Video:

benny and the genie

benny shapiro worked at the metropolitan museum of art. he used to tell his friends that he was the curator, although his primary job was to keep the exhibits clean and polished. one day he happened to be dusting around the arabian exhibit, and he noticed an ancient urn that needed some cleaning. he got out his dust rag and began polishing. low and behold, an enormous genie appeared before him. "master," the genie began, "i am the genie of the urn. i can grant you three wishes, but there is one condition i will put on you: you must never shave or cut your beard for the rest of your life, or you will be forced to take my place inside the urn forever." benny thought about it for a bit, and decided it was a fair condition for three wishes. so benny wished for 49% of the total microsoft stock which was promptly granted. then he wished for the most beautiful woman in the world as his wife, and low and behold, she was. finally, he wished for fame and fortune and he instantly became a worldwide celebrity. over the years, benny's beard became longer and longer until it almost reached the floor. as it grew longer, it began to itch. he tried to ignore it, but the itch became more and more irritating, while the memory of the genie's warning faded. finally he decided he had to get rid of the beard and he shaved it off. instantly he was trapped in the urn, to stay there forever. the moral of the story: a benny shaved is a benny urned.

• 2/5
• 60
• 0
• 5/21/2009
• by TigerRenko

Video:

irs auditor genie

a modern day cowboy has spent many days crossing the desert without water..

his horse has already died of thirst. he's crawling through the sand, certain that he has breathed his last breath, when all of a sudden, he sees an object sticking out of the sand several yards ahead of him.

he crawls to the object, pulls it out of the sand, and discovers what looks to be an old brief case. he opens it and out pops a genie.

but this is no ordinary genie. she is wearing an internal revenue service id badge and a dull gray dress.. there's a calculator in her pocketbook.

she has a pencil tucked behind one ear. "well, cowboy," says the genie... "you know how i work. you have three wishes."

"i'm not falling for this." says the man. "i'm not going to trust an irs auditor genie."

"what do you have to lose? you've got no transportation, and it looks like you're a goner anyway!"

the man thinks about this for a minute, and decides that the genie is right. "ok, i wish i were in a lush oasis with plenty of food and drink."

********poof******

the cowboy finds himself in the most beautiful oasis he has ever seen and he is surrounded with jugs of wine and platters of delicacies.

"ok, cowpoke, what's your second wish." "my second wish is that i were rich beyond my wildest dreams.

*******poof*******

the man finds himself surrounded by treasure chests filled with rare gold coins and precious gems. ok, cowpuncher, you have just one more wish. better make it a good one!"

after thinking for a few minutes, the man says.. "i wish that no matter where i go, beautiful women will want and need me."

******poof******

he is turned into a tampon.

the moral of the story: if the government offers you anything, there's going to be a string attached .

• 3.7805/5
• 368
• 1
• 2/12/2006
• by sn1per_uk

Video:

genie - cyanide and happiness

interruptions

• 3.5157/5
• 4641
• 7
• 10/14/2006
• by InsayneJayne