Spiked Humor Crave Online

Video:

elderly roadrage

the elderly fight back.

• 3.2687/5
• 3523
• 6
• 6/22/2006
• by Jolly202

Video:

the late show - elderly operations centre

elderly operations centre sketch from abc's the late show

• 4.0593/5
• 931
• 2
• 9/19/2009
• by JamesM

Video:

2 elderly people

there were two elderly people who lived in a nursing home, and usually spent their afternoons together watching television. they would often lie in bed and she would hold his pecker, although she wouldn't do anything more with it.

one day, she's walking down the hall and she passes the room of another female resident. to her surprise, she sees her boyfriend lying on the bed and another woman is holding his pecker.

she storms into the room and shouts, "i thought we had something going for us! is she better looking than me? is she younger? what does she have that i don't?"

the old man looks up and remarks with a grin, "parkinsons."

• 3.7224/5
• 5927
• 10
• 3/23/2006
• by pimprocker

Video:

two drunken moose wander into home for the elderly in sweden

stockholm, sweden (ap) - they rarely have problems with drunks or rowdy animals, but residents of an elderly home in southern sweden had to deal with both when a pair of intoxicated moose invaded the premises.

the moose - a cow and her calf - had become drunk over the weekend by eating fermented apples they found outside the home in sibbhult, southern sweden, said anna karlsson, who works there.

police managed to scare them off once, but the large mammals returned to get more of the tempting fruits. this time the moose were drunk and aggressive, forcing police to send for a hunter with a dog to make them leave.

police did not pursue the culprits, but made sure all apples were picked up from the area, local police chief bengt hallberg said. no one was hurt.

canoe

• 3.6818/5
• 1166
• 5
• 11/9/2005
• by xxoozero

Video:

two elderly gentlemen

two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: "slim, i'm 83 years old now and i'm just full of aches and pains. i know you're about my age. how do you feel?"

slim says, "i f eel just like a newborn baby."

"really!? like a newborn baby!?"

"yep. no hair, no teeth, and i think i just wet my pants. "

• 3.9932/5
• 1406
• 4
• 1/5/2007
• by GregP

Video:

elderly man mistakes card for noisy neighbors

berlin (ap) -- german police said an elderly man was so annoyed at hearing the same serenade over and over that he called authorities to report his neighbors - only to discover the culprit was a musical greeting card on his own windowsill.

police said tuesday the 82-year-old from goslar in central germany told officers he was sick of the music, which would come at irregular intervals and at all hours.

upon further investigation, police found the musical greeting card on his windowsill, where occasional breezes opened the card just enough to play an irritating tune.

police said the retiree was happy to find out his neighbors weren't trying to annoy him.

source

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• 4.6149/5
• 1525
• 11
• 5/6/2009
• by InsayneJayne

Video:

an elderly couple

a florida couple, both well into their 70's, go to a sex therapist's office. the doctor asks, "what can i do for you?"

the man says, "will you watch us have sexual intercourse?"

the doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees.

when the couple finishes, the doctor says, "there's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse."

he thanks them for coming, he wishes them good luck, he charges them $50 and he says goodbye.

the next week, however, the couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch again. the sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees.

this happens several weeks in a row. the couple makes an appointment, has intercourse with no problems, pays the doctor, then leave. finally, after 5 or 6 weeks of this routine, the doctor says, "i'm sorry, but i have to ask. just what are you trying to find out?"

the old man says, "we're not trying to find out anything. she's married and we can't go to her house. i'm married and we can't go to my house. the holiday inn charges $98. the hilton charges $139. we do it here for $50, and i get $43 back from medicare.

• 3.5243/5
• 4223
• 10
• 1/31/2006
• by sn1per_uk

Video:

elderly couple

an elderly couple goes to the doctor's for a check up. the doctor tells them they are ok physically, but mentally they should start to write things down as they are getting forgetful with age.

the couple goes home and later that evening they are sitting in the living room. the old man gets up, his wife asks him where he is going and he replies, "to the kitchen, my love."

she says, "could you please bring me a bowl of ice cream, you had better write it down incase you forget it."

he replies, "no it is ok, i will remember that." his wife then says, "oh and some strawberries too. now you had better write that down." again he replies, "no it is ok, i'll remember."

"oh and some whipped cream, now you really had better write this down."

furiously the old man replies, "for god sake women i will be ok. i will remember it, a bowl of ice cream with some strawberries and some whipped cream. is that all?"

"yes," she replies.

twenty minutes pass and the old man returns from the kitchen, hands his wife a plate with eggs and beans on it. she looks up at him in astonishment and says, "where's the toast?"

• 3.8372/5
• 524
• 0
• 3/14/2006
• by doylie1978

Video:

good idea for the elderly

one way for older people and seniors to make some money from their old pills. medication always sells for cash.

• 3.5831/5
• 12436
• 7
• 10/21/2005
• by rc

Video:

games for the elderly

here are some games that our seniors can play in the nursing home...

1. sag, you're it.
2. hide and go pee.
3. 20 questions shouted into your good ear.
4. kick the bucke t
5 . red rover, red rover, the nurse says bend over.
6. musical recliners.
7. simon says something incoherent.
8. pin the toupee on the bald guy

• 3.7313/5
• 1956
• 7
• 9/29/2006
• by GregP

Video:

close call for elderly man at rally track

see the shocked look on his face as he stands there stunned while a rally car is inches from him.

• 3.0321/5
• 9280
• 27
• 2/4/2006
• by liptonfootlong

Video:

elderly couple crashed

into a driving school in hamilton, ontario. isn't it ironic.

• 3.4505/5
• 2366
• 5
• 2/4/2006
• by Chris

Video:

elderly ghetto gospel choir

seniors singing popular hip hop songs.

• 4.3029/5
• 4113
• 20
• 2/16/2009
• by misa03

Video:

elderly tweety bird

he often forgets what he taut he taw.

• 4.3324/5
• 3310
• 6
• 4/5/2009
• by InsayneJayne

Video:

elderly barbie

she looks good for someone who spent her life tanning and partying night after night

• 3.142/5
• 1015
• 1
• 1/16/2007
• by InsayneJayne

Video:

elderly couple win lottery twice

adeline and eugene angelo won $5 million thursday after buying the winning ticket in last week's lotto game. in 1996, they won $2.5 million after splitting a $10 million jackpot with three other people.

eugene angelo, 81, said he and his wife would share their new fortune with their three sons and their families. taking the lump-sum payment of $2.5 million, eugene and adeline and each of their sons will get about $513,000 before taxes.

"we're a little older, a little wiser and there are a few more of us, when you count the grandkids," angelo said at a news conference. "we're still the same old people. still very excited. it's a great feeling."

adeline angelo, 74, a retired medical secretary, said she hoped the new money will "buy us good health and longevity."

their last big prize allowed the couple to move from the bronx to putnam county, about 50 miles north of the city.

eugene angelo said they would continue to live modestly. but they will continue to buy lottery tickets "just for the fun of it," his wife added.

the angelo sons -- eugene jr., 48, steven, 47, and michael, 42 -- who joined their parents at the news conference, said they would use the money for home renovations, new home purchases and their children's college education.

eugene jr. said his father spent about $42 on lottery tickets every week, and has done so since the lottery began 29 years ago.

the couple bought their latest ticket at a market in croton falls for the drawing on aug. 18, just one month shy of their 50th wedding anniversary, on sept. 28.

source: boston.com

• 3.8029/5
• 2904
• 9
• 9/1/2007
• by DaVyWaVyBaBy

Video:

tech accused of abusing elderly corpse

teaneck, n.j. — a teaneck hospital lab technician has been jailed after being accused of sexually abusing the corpse of a 92-year-old woman, authorities say.

authorities said a security guard allegedly saw anthony merino, 24, of manhattan, engaging in sexual activity with the body in the holy name hospital morgue on sunday.

bergen county officials charged merino with desecrating human remains, which is punishable by up to 10 years in state prison.

a judge set bail at $400,000 and required merino to undergo a psychological exam.

merino, who had only worked at holy name as a per diem employee for 14 days, was immediately fired, the hospital said in a statement. the woman's next of kin also were informed after his arrest

source

• 3.9947/5
• 2709
• 22
• 10/31/2007
• by InsayneJayne

Video:

elderly man dies after bargaining for oral sex

an elderly croat man died last week after a prostitute agreed to give him oral sex at a discounted rate.

police said the 80-year-old man met the 30-year-old prostitute in the center of the city and agreed to the price of just under $6.50 for oral sex, the croatian times reports.

the two then went inside an abandoned house. when the man dropped his pants, he suffered a heart attack. the prostitute called for help but rescuers arrived too late to save him.

he was described in the local paper as a person who had been “looking for sex to his last breath.”

now, that’s one bargain that will stop you dead in your tracks.

source

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• 4.7018/5
• 1960
• 13
• 7/7/2009
• by InsayneJayne

Video:

elderly cassette tape

lecturing an i-pod.

• 4.4666/5
• 3685
• 5
• 11/27/2008
• by InsayneJayne