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a deputy pulls over a suspect, but little does he know that he's dealing with a retired heavyweight prizefighter.
a few overworked deputy sheriffs deserved a vacation, together they decided to go on a mountain retreat. since police officers are so underpaid, they decided to sleep two per room so they could afford the trip. now, nobody wanted to sleep in the same room with daryl - he's got a well known reputation for snoring and since it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time - so they voted to take turns. the first deputy to bunk with daryl and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot, looking like he didn't get any sleep. they said, "man, what happened to you?" he said, "daryl snored so loudly, i just sat up and watched him all night, couldn't get any sleep." the following night it was a different deputy's turn. in the morning, same thing - hair all messed up, eyes blood-shot, etc. they said, "man, what happened to you? you look awful!" he said, "man, that daryl! shakes the roof he's so loud. i watched him all night." the third night was frank's turn. now frank was a big burly ex-football player; a man's man. said he wasn't gonna put up with any snoring. "we'll see!" said the other deputies. the next morning he came to breakfast bright eyed and bushy tailed. "good morning, wonderful day outside isn't it?" he said. they couldn't believe it! they said, "man, what happened?" he said, "well, we got ready for bed. i went over and tucked daryl into bed, then kissed him good night. he sat up all night just watching me. didn't snore a bit."
the local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so gomer went in to try out for the job. "okay," the sheriff drawled, "gomer, what is 1 and 1?" "11" he replied. the sheriff thought to himself, "that`s not what i meant, but he`s right." "what two days of the week start with the letter `t`?" "today and tomorrow." the sheriff was again surprised that gomer supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself. "now gomer, listen carefully: who killed abraham lincoln?" gomer looked a little surprised himself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "i don`t know." "well, why don`t you go home and work on that one for a while?" so, gomer wandered over to the barbershop where his pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. gomer was exultant. "it went great! first day on the job and i`m already working on a murder case!"
an oldie but a goodie.
a boy in palmdale who was playing cops and robbers with a toy gun was shot and wounded sunday night by a los angeles county sheriff's deputy, authorities said. the boy was shot in the upper torso, said deputy ed hernandez, a sheriff's spokesman. he declined to release the victim's name or age. a witness told reporters for kabc-tv channel 7 that the boy was 15. deputy jeff gordon said the boy was airlifted to a local hospital and was in stable condition. gordon said deputies responded to reports about 8 p.m. that someone was riding a bicycle and brandishing a handgun. deputies spotted the rider and ordered him to drop the weapon but instead, gordon says, he pointed it at the deputies. the deputies, fearing for their lives, shot him once," hernandez said. "later on, they determined it was a juvenile playing cops and robbers." source
jackson, tenn. (ap) -- an 80-year-old west tennessee woman and her son are being held in jail after deputies said she shot at them when they came to arrest the man. sheriff melvin bond said the elderly woman fired several shots at officers friday night in a standoff that began when deputies tried to capture her 60-year-old son. the jackson sun quoted bond who said four deputies went to the woman's mobile home on a tip that her son was there. bond said officers heard the man talking inside the trailer and - when they knocked on the door - the woman opened it, slammed it shut and fired a shot through it. the deputies took cover and, during the hour-long standoff, two more shots were fired through the door. there were no injuries. the "man" was found hiding in a closet. source
omaha, neb. (ap) - a man who tried to mellow out his cat by stuffing her into a homemade bong is facing criminal charges - and catcalls from animal lovers. authorities cited a 20-year-old man on suspicion of animal cruelty sunday after catching him smoking marijuana from a contraption that had a cat stuffed inside its 12-inch by 6-inch base. the man told sheriff's deputies the 6-month-old female named shadow had been hyper and that he was trying to calm her down. the cat was taken to the capital humane society, where she appeared to be in good condition monday, executive director bob downey said. "what the human mind doesn't invent, huh?" downey said. the suspect did not return voice or text messages left on his cell phone by the associated press. deputies discovered the cat trapped in the device after responding to a domestic disturbance call at a residence the suspect shares with his grandfather, sgt. andy stebbing said. deputies resolved the dispute and left the house, but they returned minutes later after discovering there was an arrest warrant on the suspect for possession of drug paraphernalia. upon re-entering the house, stebbing said, deputies saw the suspect smoking marijuana through a piece of garden hose attached to the duct-taped, plastic glass box, in which the cat had been stuffed. "this cat was just dazed," stebbing said. "she was on the front seat of the cop car, wrapped in a blanket, and never moved all the way to the humane society." the suspect was cited for misdemeanor animal cruelty and taken to the lancaster county jail on the arrest warrant. he was released after paying a $400 fine. now he faces new charges for possession of marijuana and paraphernalia stemming from sunday. stebbing said the animal cruelty charge could be raised to a felony if the cat dies or is found to have suffered injury. downey said tests would be done to determine whether the cat suffered lung damage. "to the eye, the cat looks ok," he said. "it cowers in the back of its cage like it's a little bit afraid but, obviously, given the way it's been treated, that's not surprising to me at all." source
marion, ohio -- he kept it to himself, but marion county sheriff tim bailey had become increasingly suspicious of deputy joe russell's ongoing battle with cancer. bailey had a nagging suspicion because of russell's overall healthy appearance. but he hesitated to share that with his staff, who rallied around russell and willingly gave more than 600 hours of their own sick-leave time for his recovery. "i was alone," bailey said. "there was really no way to find this or determine this. what i beat myself up over is, 'what could i have done?' " medical privacy laws prevented bailey from delving into the illnesses of his deputy, who supposedly was sick off and on for four years. on sept. 30, russell committed suicide, shooting himself in his delaware home. deputies in dress uniform attended his funeral on monday, perhaps wondering if his struggle against cancer had become too tough to bear. but an autopsy revealed that russell was not suffering from cancer. the 39-year-old deputy had scammed his friends and co-workers. russell likely fabricated it all -- the notes from doctors and the claims that he had, in quick succession, fought cancer in his lungs, brain and testicles, bailey said. looking back, he thinks russell also shaved his eyebrows and head and might have used tanning beds to make his skin appear red from cancer treatments. russell was married and had two daughters. bailey said it appears russell might have tricked his wife, megan, who is a nurse, into believing that he was sick. the couple attended a fraternal order of police fundraiser in marion in september 2007 at which russell was a guest of honor. organizers sold $15 tickets for a spaghetti dinner and auction. hundreds of people attended, some waiting in line an hour or two for a meal, said james fitsko, president of the local union and a marion city police detective. the event raised $40,000. half of the proceeds went to russell for what organizers thought was experimental cancer treatment at johns hopkins hospital in baltimore that was not covered by health insurance. the other half went to marion police officer cory winfield, who had been injured in an off-duty motorcycle crash caused by a drunken driver. "everybody is absolutely, totally shocked," fitsko said. "it's mind-numbing to imagine that this happened." bailey outlined russell's cancer scam at a news conference yesterday, recalling how deputies would visit their "sick" colleague at his home and sit by his bedside. sheriff's employees donated more than 75 days of sick-leave days so that russell could receive time off for cancer treatments. "i'm just furious over it that he would do it," bailey said. "i do not want the people in the community to think this is the way we operate at the sheriff's office. "his personal friends in the department did not see any of this coming. they were just blasted." the sheriff's office is conducting a review that will include a breakdown of russell's time-off requests since he started at the sheriff's office in september 2004. through september 2009, he had used 455 hours of sick time, but it's unclear how much of that time was requested for cancer-related treatments or recovery. investigators are also trying to determine whether russell was enrolled in the county's health-insurance plan and whether any fraudulent claims were filed. russell first said in 2005 that he was undergoing treatment for lung cancer, the sheriff said. he appeared to be successful in battling it. in 2007, russell said cancer had been discovered in his brain, intensifying sheriff's office efforts to assist him with a fundraiser and the donation of co-workers' unused sick leave. this year, russell said at least one testicle had been removed after cancer was found there, bailey said. the autopsy found both testicles were intact. "basically, the shocker was that he said he had cancer and there's no evidence he had or ever had cancer." russell, who joined the office in 2004, was deputy of the year in marion county in 2007. the sheriff praised russell for his strength in battling brain cancer through "extremely difficult procedures and treatment." delaware police capt. bruce pijanowski said russell's death was being investigated. his wife called police at 7:40 a.m. on sept. 30 to report that russell was threatening to kill himself. officers found his body in an office in his home. he died of a gunshot wound to the head. source
the local sheriff was looking for a deputy, so gomer went in to try out for the job. "okay," the sheriff drawled, "gomer, what is 1 and 1?" "11" he replied. the sheriff thought to himself, "that's not what i meant, but he's right." "what two days of the week start with the letter 't'?" "today and tomorrow." the sheriff was again surprised that gomer supplied a correct answer that he had never thought of himself. "now gomer, listen carefully: who killed abraham lincoln?" gomer looked a little surprised himself, then thought really hard for a minute and finally admitted, "i don't know." "well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?" so, gomer wandered over to the barbershop where his pals were waiting to hear the results of the interview. gomer was exultant. "it went great! first day on the job and i'm already working on a murder case!"
