Spiked Humor Crave Online

Video:

definition of a douchebag

definition of a douchebag.

• 4.093/5
• 15919
• 38
• 8/4/2006
• by Mauntgomery

Video:

new definitions

old words given a new definition:

1. coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.

2. flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

3. abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.

6. negligent (adj.) describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

7. lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

8. gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

10. balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

11. testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

12. rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. pokemon (n), a rastafarian proctologist.

14. oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with yiddishisms.

15. frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): the belief that, when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by jewish men.

• 3.3333/5
• 1198
• 6
• 1/13/2007
• by ShapeSphere

Video:

definitions of the obvious

definitions of the obvious
abdicate: to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
absentee: a missing golfing accessory.
acoustic: an instrument used in shooting pool.
accrue: people who work on a ship.
adamant: the very first insect.
adorable: what you ring when you go visiting.
alarms: what an octopus is.
alimony: the high cost of leaving.
alimony: the fee a woman charges for name-dropping.
antidote: the reason mom's sister keeps hugging you every time she can catch you.
antelope: why grandpa won't forgive uncle!
antisocial: mother's sister being friendly.
ante merediem: thata's why he's my uncle.
arbitrator: a cook that leaves arby's to work for mcdonald's.
archaeologist: a man whose career lies in ruins.
artery: study of paintings.
aspire: where dead donkeys are cremated.
atlas: finally
australian kiss: same as french kiss, ... only down under!
avail: piece of cloth that stops woman from looking so ugly.
avoidable: what a bullfighter tries to do.

bacteria: the rear entrance to a cafeteria.
barium: what doctors do when treatment fails.
biology: study of shopping habits.
biplane: the advice i got from my mother on purchasing underwear.
boycott: his crib.... not hers!
bridge: a game in which a wife is always eager to do her husband's bidding
broadband: an all girl musical group.
bruise lee: inept martial-arts student.
budget: an attempt to live below your yearnings.
burglarize: what a crook sees with.

caesarean section: district in rome.
cantaloupe: got to get married in church.
carnation: country where everybody has a four wheeler.
caramel: a motorized camel!
cauterize: made eye contact with her.
choosy blonde: one for whom a tom or a harry won't do !
circumvent: the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
cistern: opposite of brothern.
climate: the only thing you can do with a ladder.
coffee: a person who is coughed upon.
cionside: what most people do when it rains.
conscience: the thing which hurts when everything else feels good.
control: a short, ugly inmate.
counterfeiter: worker who puts together kitchen cabinets.
cross-eyed teacher: a teacher that loses control over her pupils.
crowbar: where birds can get a drink.

damnation: beaver country.
dance: vertical expression of a horizontal idea.
dare: not here.
debut: de part of the body you must park to be seated.
decagon: de way you explain how your vehicle was a total washout in an accident.
decay: de letter which comes after de j.
decline: nudists in formation.
dentist: a magician who puts metal into your mouth, and pulls coins out of your pocket.
depth: height turned upside down.
dilate: to live long.
disguise: such pains. always troubling dismisses.
dinosaur: how a giant lizard feels after a tough workout.
disneyland: a people trap operated by a mouse.
dogma: affectionate parent of the little s.o.b.
dogmatic: run by canine power.
donkey: instrument to get you into the godfather's house

eclipse: what an english barber does for a living.
economist: a person who knows more about money than people who have it.
ejaculate (e-jac-u-late): jill greeting her boyfriend and informing him he's been tardy again.
enema: not a friend.
eyedropper: a clumsy opthalmologist.

feedback: the inevitable result when your baby doesn't appreciate the strained carrots.
fibula: a small lie.
fiction: the story told by a completed income tax form !
finite: sir lancelot.
flatulence: the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
fobia: the fear of misspelled words.
forum: in favor of drinking bacardi.

gargoyle: an olive flavored mouthwash.
ginger ale: a drink that feels like your foot when it goes to sleep.
gold-digger: a sweet young girl with the gift of the grab!

habituate: disgusting mannerisms.... smoking for example.
hanging: a suspended sentence.
hatchet: what a hen does to an egg.
heroes: what a guy in a canoe does.
humbug: a singing cockroach.

illegal: a sick bird.
impregnable: a woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.
infantry: a sapling.
information: how ducks are supposed to fly!
inkling: a baby fountain pen!
intense: where campers sleep.

jokey: what a dentist uses when you won't open your mouth.
kidney: midpoint of a child's leg.
left bank: what the robber did when his bag was full of loot.
locomotive: a crazy reason.
lymph: to walk with a lisp.

misty: how golfers create divots. morbid: higher offer
mucus: a cat swear word.
munchkin: what cannibals do to relatives.
nitrate: cheaper than day rate.
node: was aware of.

outpatient: person who has fainted after seeing a doctor's bill.
oyster: a person who sprinkles his conversation with yiddish expressions.

paradox: two physicians.
parasites: what you see from the top of the eiffel tower.
parking lot: a place where arguments start from scratch.
pecan: a container to urinate in.
pharmacist: a helper on the farm.
polarize: what penguins see with.
polygon: who left the cage door open?
post operative: letter carrier.
potash: all that's left after you smoke the joint.
primate: removing your spouse from in front of the tv.
protein: favoring young people.
psycho-ceramics: the study of crackpots.

rampage: section of a book about male sheep.
ratify: to use a spell and turn a person into a rodent.
realm: to be charitable ... once again!
rebel: what you have to do when kids don't come to class when first called.
recount: honorary title reaffirmed by floridans.
recovery room: place to do upholstery.
rectangle: what the fisherman was left with after his brush with moby dick.
rectitude: the formal, dignified demeanor assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
rectum: it almost killed him.
reduce: a messed up point in tennis, when you were on 'advantage'.
regatta: where the drunkard found himself tonight ... again!
relief: what trees do in the spring.
render: the animals that draw santa's carriage.
roman: what you need to do to win the regatta. rubberneck: what tou can do to relax your wife.

sauna bath: a slimming pool.
seamstress: describes 250 pounds in a size 6.
selfish: what the owner of a seafood store does.
subdued: a guy that works on submarines.

terminal illness: sickness at an airport.
testicle: a humorous question on an exam.
treason: what the acorn is to the oak.
tumor: an extra pair.

urine: opposite of "you're out"!
varicose: located nearby.
wholesome: the only thing from which you can take the whole and still have some left.
wise-crack: a comedian with a phd.
yankee: the same as a quickie, ...but you can do it by yourself!
zebra: ze cloth which covers ze breasts!

• 3.9814/5
• 704
• 0
• 1/10/2008
• by jd8coke

Video:

definition of bitch

what's an individual?

• 4.0431/5
• 4127
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• 3/5/2008
• by TigerRenko

Video:

batman definitions - anything

i hate robin.

• 3.9259/5
• 4238
• 11
• 6/4/2008
• by InsayneJayne

Video:

6 definitions of god

1.a guy who talked to some jewish guys, some christian guys, and some islam guys, and accidentally caused more people to die than anyone else in human history. and people wonder why he doesn't talk much to us anymore.

2.the reason i passed math. bless the lord! for i got a 65!

3.the universal scapegoat for forces yet to be explained, originating back to when man thought the wind was satan farting. uuhhhmmmm... god did it?

4.the most popular star in human history. loved, hated, or talked about by almost every person ever walked on earth. theist: 'i love god, i think he's cool.' atheist: 'god is a ridiculous idea, he doesn't even really exist.'

5.god, the omniscient, primordial and eternal who created man in his own image and therefore posseses a digestive system, sense organs, limbs and other attributes that would be useless to an immortal being. if god came first, what would he eat or walk upon? why would he have those five senses if nothing to sense yet existed? and if he has 'always' been here, how long did he sit around doing nothing until he decided to invent the universe? and why? and if he hadn't yet invented the universe, what exactly was he sitting on? where is he going to exist if there is nothing to exist in? and what is wrong with the idea that we all just expire and disintegrate and rot? god help us.

6. the main character in the fiction work "the bible." and god replied: i am who am. and moses quickly corrected him saying that it should be i am who is. but god never was any good at grammar.

• 3.5866/5
• 125
• 0
• 1/22/2007
• by aznfreak9991

Video:

classic definition of a quagmire

dick cheney's words about iraq.

• 3.6429/5
• 4612
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• 11/11/2006
• by -Guaii-

Video:

performance evaluation definitions

what do those flowery words really mean on your performance evaluations?

• 3.9175/5
• 2554
• 7
• 1/1/2007
• by GregP

Video:

definition of old

what is old

"old" is when..... your sweetie says, "let's go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "pick one, i can't do both!"

"old" is when.. your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.

"old" is when..... a sexy babe catches your eye and your pacemaker opens the garage door.

"old" is when..... going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.

"old" is when..... you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.

"old" is when..... you are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police.

"old" is when..... "getting a little action" means i don't need to take any fiber today.

"old" is when..... "getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot.

"old" is when..... an "all-nighter" means not getting up to pee.

• 3.7416/5
• 523
• 2
• 1/23/2006
• by Chowdder

Video:

definition of a chav

a parody of the film trainspotting to enlighten the world as to the true nature of britains newest race, the chav.

• 3.6674/5
• 3636
• 7
• 3/16/2006
• by Venomousvole

Video:

happy hardcore classics - scott brown - definition of a badboy

scott brown, also known as the father of happy hardcore mixing it up (hadcorevolution remix)

• 3.538/5
• 2082
• 2
• 5/2/2006
• by raverbaby

Video:

anime, the right definition

pictures speak louder than words. :p

• 3.5617/5
• 6798
• 15
• 6/2/2006
• by Tekhsheen

Video:

definitions

1)love affairs : something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five day test.

2)lecture : an art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either"

3)conference : the confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

4)compromise : the art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

5)tears : the hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water-power ..

6)conference room : a place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on.

7)ecstasy : a feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.

8)classic : a book which people praise, but do not read.

9)smile : a curve that can set a lot of things straight.

10)office : a place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

11)etc. : a sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

12)committee: individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

13)experience : the name men give to their mistakes

14)philosopher : a fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.

15)diplomat : a person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

16)opportunist : a person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.

17)optimist : a person who while falling from eiffel tower says in midway "see i am not injured yet."

18)pessimist :- a person who says that o is the last letter in zero, instead of the first letter in word opportunity.

19)miser : a person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

20)father : a banker provided by nature.

21)criminal : a guy no different from the rest... except that he got caught.

22)boss : someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

23)politician : one who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.

24)doctor : a person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.

• 2.9676/5
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• 7/16/2006
• by sn1per_uk

Video:

microsoft definition

this is how www.dictionary.com defines microsoft.

• 3.3711/5
• 3801
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• 7/24/2006
• by pimppimpHOORAY

Video:

fisherman: a definition

one jerk on one end of the line waiting for a jerk on the other end!

• 3.4286/5
• 337
• 0
• 5/29/2008
• by TigerRenko

Video:

procrastination definition

discuss.

• 3.8036/5
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• 6/17/2009
• by InsayneJayne

Video:

ron paul questions ben bernanke on definition of inflation 07/21/2009

bernarke claims printing new money doesn`t cause inflation, that he doesn`t see why the fed should`ve audited and that congress shouldn`t have a say on monetary policies.

• 4.2483/5
• 1043
• 2
• 8/2/2009
• by Doqaz

Video:

definition of a dumbass

dumb-ass /'d?m?æs/ –noun slang: vulgar. a thoroughly stupid person; blockhead.

• 4.5336/5
• 11182
• 33
• 12/11/2007
• by Neferati