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as always, any questions can be sent to me at xxoozero@yahoo.com.
dear zero,
i'm in a tight spot here. i've been dating a 20 year old girl for the past 2 years. things were going well..... until i met not one but two other girls i can't seem to say no to. i'm 22 years old. the girls who have caught my interest are 22 and 19 respectively. the 22 year old is mature and seems to understand me very well while the 19 year old is so full of life. getting back to my girlfriend, she is of the possessive kind and she can't stand me talking to any other female being. i've been out a few times with the 19 year old and i can say i've enjoyed myself like never before. i do know that in the beginning everything seems rosy but what do i do man? the 22 year old is busy but we talk a lot on the phone. i've met her a few times briefly before she had to hurry back.
i've been neglecting my actual girlfriend since these two have entered my life. even if i can get myself to say no to the 22 year old, i can't stay away from the 19 year old. this is causing a lot of trouble. i need to sort things out once and for all ...soon. i can't keep lying constantly and i just don't feel good doing so.
as a man, this is just something you’re going to have to get used to. we both know you’re not going to give up any of these girls and you shouldn’t have to, you’re only 22 for fuck sake. you are merely exploring your options. this is your right as a man.
when you feel comfortable being with one of them over the others, do it. until then don’t cheat yourself out of the options.
dear zero,
i’ve been with my girl friend for about 2 and a half months... i really think that she’s the one, i have complete trust in her. except one thing, she told me that i took her virginity as did she mine - we had sex almost a month after we started going out... but about a couple weeks ago her old friend told me about one time she over heard her talking about how she fucked her old boyfriend while they were going out... but her and her old friend aren’t on the best of terms anymore, so i’m not sure if i should believe her or not. i went threw her comments with her ex on myspace from when they were going out to look for clues to if they had done it or not, and i might have found something, but cant be sure... i can’t just ask her if she lied to me about that, she will get so pissed and wont talk to me for a while and be a total bitch. i need to know though! it’s killing me inside. i wouldn’t really care if she did or not, just the fact that she lied to me about it and a trust issue now...
the time has come to paraphrase the great joe hallenbeck. “waters wet, the sky is blue, women have secrets.” welcome to the world of the latter.
either she told a lie in the heat of passion and doesn’t know how to tell you (i’ve been there myself with chicks), or she really didn’t have sex with that guy. you may never know, and you don’t want to know. what you don’t know won’t hurt you. it didn’t happen when you were together so it shouldn’t matter.
when you reach my age, around 29 or so, all the women you sleep with will have already had multiple sexual partners. enjoy it while the numbers are still low.
here’s my problem -
i am currently going out with a girl, its an ok relationship sort of like f*** buddies only without the buddies thing nothing in common only the sex, and she is getting more and more angry at me that i don’t take her out, and i know as soon as i do i have to buy her something. i may make a little more then her but she has no understanding of money and all she ever wants is for me to buy her things, but i do feel something for her, when i see her cry or something i feel bad for her and want to comfort her.
also i have been in regular contact with a girl i knew in college, just texting and e-mails and we have become really close, joking around sex texting stupid stuff, but she is all the way in liverpool and her parents live in france and seeing her is a real problem and commuting to liverpool every weekend will be expensive. she is coming down this summer and we will meet up of course and stuff probably will happen but what do you think i should do.
first of all, stop buying shit for the first chick. the more you buy a woman the less she respects you. also, that thing about her crying and you needing to comfort her? she already knows that. she somehow uses it against you, be sure of that.
i see the liverpool chick as being not only better for you, but cheaper. you don’t have anything in common with the first chick and all she is going to do is keep getting madder and madder that you don’t buy her shit. commuting may be expensive, but it is not more expensive than a high maintenance woman. not even close.
my advice: dump the gold digger and have a go at the one who you can communicate with. but you already knew that though, didn’t you? don’t worry, every guy needs some reinforcement every now and then.
dear zero
i'm in a long distance relationship with a girl in america (i'm in the uk) and while it's all good when we get to meet up, in between times i worry she may be hitting something else. she constantly references ex's, which gets on my tits, and i worry about her bumping into these ex's. what should i do? i really like this girl, and am hoping to move over there soon, so any advice of what to do in the meantime would be great.
you’re not the only one who gets mad when a bitch starts mentioning her exes. i don’t think anything can throw salt in my pepsi like when a chick won’t shut the fuck up about her previous boyfriends. fuck all that listening shit, i just don’t want to hear it.
enough of my rant, on with your advice. the general rule is that if you are not in the same area code, it is not cheating. it’s time for you to embrace the fact that she is probably fucking with other guys. it’s better to think she was and learn later that she wasn’t than to think she wasn’t and learn later she was.
just accept it as a fucked up fact of life which no one can be blamed for, forget about any and all feelings of jealousy, and continue on your way doing whatever it is you were doing in your relationship. also, when you move to america, bring some british chicks with you. american chicks are beginning to bore me.
it's about one of my friends. after i broke up with my girlfriend he was the 1st person to go comforting her and shit then pretty much banger her i guess. funny thing is i found out by chance overhearing someone, not by him at least telling me. i think its one thing to do my ex like a week after and it’s another not telling me. i grew up learning the man code and this is against it, so i want to know if i should kick his sorry ass to katmandu or just leave it and score with one of his friends..................... or all of them?
my roommate believes you should take revenge and bang his sister. i personally think you should just let it go and chalk it up as a lesson learned about your “friend”.
some guys are just the type to do shit like this. i know a few of them myself. a true friend won’t fuck your ex girl even if you tell him it’s cool.
next time you see him, tell him this: “i heard you’re banging my ex, how does my dick taste?”
so i’m drinking a citrus drop, my favorite soda btw and i notice there's a tiny dead bug floating inside. should i drink it anyway or pour it out?
toss the bug out and enjoy the rest of your drink.
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to my readers: i’m playing with an injury this week. i was playing football with some friends saturday when i was tackled most heinously near the end zone and landed wrong on my wrist. it has been in constant pain since, with a very limited range of movement. since i subscribe to the gangster way of thinking, never go to the hospital unless you get shot, this morning i woke up and wrapped my wrist with ice and duct tape and got to typing. the moral is this: play through the pain. it’s good for you.
as always, any questions can be sent to me at xxoozero@yahoo.com.
dear zero,
i've been in the worst situation lately. ok there are two girls, both are fine, both willing to put out and get to business. girl a i have a lot in common with like music and things like this. girl b is pretty smart so i know she could help me in school related crap, and i think this is also good because that way i can have actual intellectual conversations with her. so both are really great, but i’m having the worst time trying to decide which one i should actually be with. i even thought of trying to go for both together ; ) but i figured id rather keep ad least one then lose both. what should i do?!
intellectual conversations are cool, but in the end it is better to have someone around whom you can talk to about things you like. i made the mistake of going for an intelligent woman over someone who liked the same things as i did and found out later how bad of a mistake it was.
the girl in question liked one of my less crude articles and thought i was someone i wasn’t. she thought i was this intellectual guy who was refined and liked to discuss politics. i’m more the type to enjoy sitting around and bullshitting about music and sports. most guys are. to make a long story short, two months later i didn’t even speak to the female in question anymore. by this time, the other girl i was considering was long gone and i lost my chance.
alternatively, you could look at it this way: you’re going to lose both of them eventually anyways. might as well sample them both while you have the chance.
dear mr. zero,
my girlfriend and i are very much into each other and very much want to get married in the future. i do have on reservation and although it didn't bother me at first, it's starting to get to me. see my girlfriend is my dad's brother's daughter...... i.e. my cousin......its not frowned upon in my culture; a lot of people in turkey get married with their cousins. what do you think?
kind regards
alright, first of all where you live doesn’t matter. what matters is how you feel about your situation. you obviously have second thoughts, and for good reason. this woman is your cousin. your kids are not going to be right, man.
there are roughly 5 billion people in this world, more than half of which are women. let’s say 3 billion are women. of those, at least 1 billion are single and of age. of those, only about 50-100 are too closely related to you for you to have sex with. your cousin is one of those women. don’t worry, there are plenty of others.
think about the math. if even only one out of every ten single women you meet would agree to sleep with you, that’s 100 million women, all of them not your cousin.
i want all you other guys reading this to think about these numbers as well. there are too many god damn girls in this world to be enamored over one. your mission is simply to search them out. we, as men, need to stop letting women have the upper hand because there is just as much out there for us as there is for them.
enough of my rant, back to your advice. leave your cousin. that’s just wrong man.
dear zero,
there’s this really hot great girl who lives around the corner from me who i think i’ve really fallen for. i’ve known her for a wile, and i think at first she liked me too, but now i think she thinks i’m just a stoned idiot or were in crappy friend territory. i’m quite a shy guy and i feel that i don’t really know how best to approach a girl that i have feelings for, its seems to be much harder for me when its a girl i like, rather than just some random girl i met at a club when i’m a bit drunk. if there’s any chance i could be with her i would take it, but i’m not sure if my feelings for her are just sabotaging any relation ship that i could get into. what should i do z??
first of all, the rock wipes a monkey’s ass with what a girl thinks. secondly, the best way to approach a girl whom you have feelings for is not to. i know, it sounds crazy, but girls respond more to being ignored than being shown affection. sure, call her every now and then; show her you’re interested…but not too interested. in the words of will ferrell, play it cool hotshot.
as for your feelings, just suppress them like every other guy. showing a woman you have feelings is like showing a shark you have blood. it never turns out good.
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my latin is a bit rusty, but from what i did understand you need to be wearing condoms dude. i could be wrong, but your fears of pregnancy are not unfounded. kids are massively expensive. not to mention the fact that baby’s mamas only lead to problems. in the immortal words of mr. van wilder, a personal hero of mine, “don’t be a fool, wrap your tool.”
like i said before though, my latin is a bit rusty and i may be wrong.
until next week, may your women give you more head than your beers.
