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a blonde woman goes into an electrical shop to buy a tv. she gets the attention of the sales assistant and says to him, `i want to buy that tv`. he tells her, `sorry we dont sell to blondes`. so she goes home and dyes her hair brunette. the next days she asks him again, and again he says, `sorry we don’t sell to blondes`. so she goes home and dyes her hair red this time. she goes back the next day and asks him again, and once again he says, `sorry we don’t sell to blondes`. a little confused now the blonde woman asks him `how do you know that i am blonde?` he turns to the woman and says `i know you’re blonde because that’s not a tv, its a microwave`
funny skit from saturday night live. this is the classic skit where they're trying to buy a case of beer.
new haven, conn. - contraband candy has led to big trouble for an eighth-grade honors student in connecticut. michael sheridan was stripped of his title as class vice president, barred from attending an honors student dinner and suspended for a day after buying a bag of skittles from a classmate. school spokeswoman catherine sullivan-decarlo says the new haven school system banned candy sales in 2003 as part of a districtwide school wellness policy. michael's suspension has been reduced from three days to one, but he has not been reinstated as class vice president. he says he didn't realize his candy purchase was against the rules, but he did notice the student selling the skittles on feb. 26 was being secretive. source
this guy dances his ass off to make a sale! lol look how he shakes his "thang".......
an american manufacturer is showing his machine factory to a potential customer from albania. at noon, when the lunch whistle blows, two thousand men and women immediately stop work and leave the building. "your workers, they`re escaping!" cries the visitor. "you`ve got to stop them." "don`t worry, they`ll be back," says the american. and indeed, at exactly one o`clock the whistle blows again, and all the workers return from their break. when the tour is over, the manufacturer turns to his guest and says, "well, now, which of these machines would you like to order?" "forget the machines," says the visitor. "how much do you want for that whistle?"
can't wait for the 2 for 1!
want to make a quick $3,200? all you need is a faux milf and a town full of suckers.
clip from dead man on campus.
t-pain would be proud of the oooooooooohhhhhhhhh snap!
10. lower corner of screen has the words "etch-a-sketch" on it.
9. it's celebrity spokesman is that "hey vern!" guy.
8. in order to start it, you need some jumper cables and a friend's car.
7. it's slogan is "pentium: redefining mathematics".
6. the "quick reference" manual is 120 pages long.
5. whenever you turn it on, all the dogs in your neighborhood start howling.
4. the screen often displays the message, "ain't it break time yet?"
3. the manual contains only one sentence: "good luck!"
2. the only chip inside is a dorito.
1. you've decided that your computer is an excellent addition to your fabulous paperweight collection.
costello calls to buy a computer from abbott
abbott: super duper computer store. can i help you? costello: thanks. i'm setting up an office in my den and i'm thinking about buying a computer. abbott: mac? costello: no, the name's lou. abbott: your computer? costello: i don't own a computer. i want to buy one. abbott: mac? costello: i told you, my name's lou. abbott: what about windows? costello: why? will it get stuffy in here? abbott: do you want a computer with windows? costello: i don't know. what will i see when i look in the windows? abbott: wallpaper. costello: never mind the windows. i need a computer and software. abbott: software for windows? costello: no. on the computer! i need something i can use to write proposals, track expenses and run my business. what have you got? abbott: office. costello: yeah, for my office. can you recommend anything? abbott: i just did. costello: you just did what? abbott: recommend something. costello: you recommended something? abbott: yes. costello: for my office? abbott: yes. costello: ok, what did you recommend for my office? abbott: office. costello: yes, for my office! abbott: i recommend office with windows. costello: i already have an office with windows! ok, lets just say i'm sitting at my computer and i want to type a proposal. what do i need? abbott: word. costello: what word? abbott: word in office. costello: the only word in office is office. abbott: the word in office for windows. costello: which word in office for windows? abbott: the word you get when you click the blue "w". costello: i'm going to click your blue "w" if you don't start with some straight answers. ok, forget that. can i watch movies on the internet? abbott: yes, you want real one. costello: maybe a real one, maybe a cartoon. what i watch is none of your business. just tell me what i need! abbott: real one. costello: if it's a long movie i also want to see reel 2, 3 & 4. can i watch them? abbott: of course. costello: great! with what? abbott: real one. costello: ok, i'm at my computer and i want to watch a movie. what do i do? abbott: you click the blue "1". costello: i click the blue one what? abbott: the blue "1". costello: is that different from the blue w? abbott: the blue "1" is real one and the blue "w" is word. costello: what word? abbott: the word in office for windows. costello: but there's three words in "office for windows"! abbott: no, just one. but it's the most popular word in the world. costello: it is? abbott: yes, but to be fair, there aren't many other words left. it pretty much wiped out all the other words out there. costello: and that word is real one? abbott: real one has nothing to do with word. real one isn't even part of office. costello: stop! don't start that again. what about financial bookkeeping? you have anything i can track my money with? abbott: money. costello: that's right. what do you have? abbott: money. costello: i need money to track my money? abbott: it comes bundled with your computer. costello: what's bundled with my computer? abbott: money. costello: money comes with my computer? abbott: yes. no extra charge. costello: i get a bundle of money with my computer? how much? abbott: one copy. costello: isn't it illegal to copy money? abbott: microsoft gave us a license to copy money. costello: they can give you a license to copy money? abbott: why not? they own it!
a few days later . . . abbott: super duper computer store. can i help you? costello: how do i turn my computer off? abbott: click on "start".......
this is really about hypocrisy after all. wasn't this guy interviewed by richard dawkins? also, doesn't he have a strong anti-gay stance?
1. two feet tall, forty feet wide 2. salesman's opening line: "you're not a cop, are you?" 3. it looks suspiciously like a broom handle with a lot of coat hangers stuck into it 4. while you sleep, it gets liquored up and takes the family caravan for a joy ride 5. each branch has "duraflame" printed on it 6. keeps heckling while you try to do a lame top ten list 7. it's very small and says "air freshener" on it 8. rabbis have better christmas trees than yours 9. some guy named mujibur puts a cheap statue of liberty on top of it 10. constantly bragging about its "trunk size"
this guy is a dancing fool, and is caught on security camera.
'cause kids need jobs too!
5 things you shouldn`t be able to buy on ebay by cracked tv.
buy these grenade bullets and blow up a squirrel today
teen tips: how to buy alcohol
buying used cars star wars style.
why every guy should buy their girlfriend wii fit
this is what happens when you buy a chinese uzi.
a security camera at best buy catches a guy dancing his heart out in the music section.
the whitest kids you know buy some drugs.
liberty, ky. (ap) - a casey county man has been convicted of using cash and whiskey to buy votes in a school board election.
jurors deliberated 30 minutes wednesday before finding joe ellis guilty on four felony charges of buying votes. they recommended ellis serve only the minimum prison sentence of one year. he had faced up to 20 years in prison.
ellis gave pints of ancient age whiskey and $5 bills to stella johnson's son and daughter and a friend during a meeting the day before the november 2004 election, according to testimony during the trial.
police said ellis was trying to buy votes for the losing school board candidate, sheila elliott. police said elliott had no involvement in the scheme.
my way
