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to my readers: i’m playing with an injury this week. i was playing football with some friends saturday when i was tackled most heinously near the end zone and landed wrong on my wrist. it has been in constant pain since, with a very limited range of movement. since i subscribe to the gangster way of thinking, never go to the hospital unless you get shot, this morning i woke up and wrapped my wrist with ice and duct tape and got to typing. the moral is this: play through the pain. it’s good for you.
as always, any questions can be sent to me at xxoozero@yahoo.com.
dear zero,
i've been in the worst situation lately. ok there are two girls, both are fine, both willing to put out and get to business. girl a i have a lot in common with like music and things like this. girl b is pretty smart so i know she could help me in school related crap, and i think this is also good because that way i can have actual intellectual conversations with her. so both are really great, but i’m having the worst time trying to decide which one i should actually be with. i even thought of trying to go for both together ; ) but i figured id rather keep ad least one then lose both. what should i do?!
intellectual conversations are cool, but in the end it is better to have someone around whom you can talk to about things you like. i made the mistake of going for an intelligent woman over someone who liked the same things as i did and found out later how bad of a mistake it was.
the girl in question liked one of my less crude articles and thought i was someone i wasn’t. she thought i was this intellectual guy who was refined and liked to discuss politics. i’m more the type to enjoy sitting around and bullshitting about music and sports. most guys are. to make a long story short, two months later i didn’t even speak to the female in question anymore. by this time, the other girl i was considering was long gone and i lost my chance.
alternatively, you could look at it this way: you’re going to lose both of them eventually anyways. might as well sample them both while you have the chance.
dear mr. zero,
my girlfriend and i are very much into each other and very much want to get married in the future. i do have on reservation and although it didn't bother me at first, it's starting to get to me. see my girlfriend is my dad's brother's daughter...... i.e. my cousin......its not frowned upon in my culture; a lot of people in turkey get married with their cousins. what do you think?
kind regards
alright, first of all where you live doesn’t matter. what matters is how you feel about your situation. you obviously have second thoughts, and for good reason. this woman is your cousin. your kids are not going to be right, man.
there are roughly 5 billion people in this world, more than half of which are women. let’s say 3 billion are women. of those, at least 1 billion are single and of age. of those, only about 50-100 are too closely related to you for you to have sex with. your cousin is one of those women. don’t worry, there are plenty of others.
think about the math. if even only one out of every ten single women you meet would agree to sleep with you, that’s 100 million women, all of them not your cousin.
i want all you other guys reading this to think about these numbers as well. there are too many god damn girls in this world to be enamored over one. your mission is simply to search them out. we, as men, need to stop letting women have the upper hand because there is just as much out there for us as there is for them.
enough of my rant, back to your advice. leave your cousin. that’s just wrong man.
dear zero,
there’s this really hot great girl who lives around the corner from me who i think i’ve really fallen for. i’ve known her for a wile, and i think at first she liked me too, but now i think she thinks i’m just a stoned idiot or were in crappy friend territory. i’m quite a shy guy and i feel that i don’t really know how best to approach a girl that i have feelings for, its seems to be much harder for me when its a girl i like, rather than just some random girl i met at a club when i’m a bit drunk. if there’s any chance i could be with her i would take it, but i’m not sure if my feelings for her are just sabotaging any relation ship that i could get into. what should i do z??
first of all, the rock wipes a monkey’s ass with what a girl thinks. secondly, the best way to approach a girl whom you have feelings for is not to. i know, it sounds crazy, but girls respond more to being ignored than being shown affection. sure, call her every now and then; show her you’re interested…but not too interested. in the words of will ferrell, play it cool hotshot.
as for your feelings, just suppress them like every other guy. showing a woman you have feelings is like showing a shark you have blood. it never turns out good.
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my latin is a bit rusty, but from what i did understand you need to be wearing condoms dude. i could be wrong, but your fears of pregnancy are not unfounded. kids are massively expensive. not to mention the fact that baby’s mamas only lead to problems. in the immortal words of mr. van wilder, a personal hero of mine, “don’t be a fool, wrap your tool.”
like i said before though, my latin is a bit rusty and i may be wrong.
until next week, may your women give you more head than your beers.
