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Video:Celebrity Computer Virus

celebrity computer virus

monica lewinsky virus: sucks all the memory out of your computer.

ronald reagan virus: saves your data, but forgets where it is stored.

mike tyson virus: quits after one byte.

oprah winfrey virus: your 200mb hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80mb, and then slowly expands to 300mb.

lorena bobbit virus: turns your hard disk into a 3.5 inch floppy.

dr. jack kevorkian virus: searches your hard drive for old files and deletes them.

ellen degeneres virus: your ibm suddenly claims it's a mac.

titanic virus: makes your whole computer go down.

disney virus: everything in the computer goes goofy.

prozac virus: screws up your ram but your processor doesn't care.

sharon stone virus: makes a huge initial impact, then you forget it's there.

tim allen virus: appears helpful, only to destroy your hard drive upon contact.

hbo virus: runs the same programs over and over, week after week after week.

woody allen virus: bypasses the motherboard and turns on a daughter card.

nfl blackout virus: will only let you run progams on a remote terminal that's more than 75 miles away.

linda tripp virus: makes copies of your personal files and forwards them to the authorities.

bill clinton virus: won't let you query the system for information.

rush limbaugh virus: biases everything to the right.

ken starr virus: expands a focused search of a specific file into a global interregation of every existing file. creates links between unrelated data. works extremely slow while searching and compiling results.

al gore virus: runs quietly in background mode but doesn't appear to really do much of anything.

saddam hussein virus: won't let you into any of your programs.

tonya harding virus: turns your .bat files into lethal weapons.

george michael virus: runs its course, occasionally releasing excess data buildup.

joey buttafuoco virus: only attacks minor files.

jerry seinfeld virus: program about nothing that exits when you're really enjoying it.

david caruso nypd blue virus: after running successfully for a while, it exits the program it was in and never works again.

pee wee herman virus: exposes your confidential files to everyone.

x-files virus: all your icons start shape shifting.

spice girl virus: has no real function, but makes a pretty desktop.

at&t virus: every 3 minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.

arnold schwarzenegger virus: terminates and stays resident. it'll be back.

Video:Odd Computer Viruses

odd computer viruses

computer viruses:


george bush virus - causes your computer to keep looking for viruses of mass destruction.

the john kerry virus - stores data on both sides of the disk and causes little purple hearts to appear on screen.

the clinton virus - gives you a permanent hard drive with no memory

the al gore virus - causes your computer to keep counting and re-counting

the bob dole virus - makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy

the lewinsky virus - sucks all the memory out of your computer, then e-mails everyone about what it did

the arnold schwarzenegger virus - terminates some files, leaves, but will be back

the mike tyson virus - quits after two bytes

the oprah winfrey virus - 200 gb hard drive shrinks to 100 gb, then slowly expands to re-stabilize at 350 gb

the ellen degeneres virus - disks can no longer be inserted

the prozac virus - totally screws up your ram, but your processor doesn't care

the michael jackson virus - only attacks minor files

the lorena bobbitt virus - reformats your hard drive into a 3.5 inch floppy, then discards it through windows.

Video:Strong Bad - Email Virus

strong bad - email virus

strong bad gets an email virus

Video:Is Windows A Virus?

is windows a virus?

no, windows is not a virus. here's what viruses do:

1. they replicate quickly - okay, windows does that.

2. viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so - okay, windows does that.

3. viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk - okay, windows does that too.

4. viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems. - sigh.. windows does that, too.

5. viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see #2) and the user will buy new hardware. - yup, windows does that, too.

until now it seems windows is a virus but there are fundamental differences: viruses are well supported by their authors, are running on most systems, their program code is fast, compact and efficient and they tend to become more sophisticated as they mature.

so windows is not a virus.

it's a bug.

Video:Name that Virus

name that virus

the al gore virus: causes your computer to just keep counting.

the clinton virus: gives you a 7-inch hard drive with no memory.

the bob dole (aka: viagra) virus: makes a new hard drive out of an old floppy.

the lewinsky virus: sucks all the memory out of your computer, then e- mails everyone about what it did.

the ronald reagan virus: saves your data, but forgets where it is stored.

the jesse jackson virus: warns you constantly about illegitimate file reproduction, while illegitimately reproducing files in the background.

the mike tyson virus: quits after two bytes.

the oprah winfrey virus: your 300 mb hard drive shrinks to 100 mb, then slowly expands to restabilize around 200 mb.

the jack kevorkian virus: deletes all old files.

the prozac virus: totally screws up your ram, but your processor doesn't care.

the joey buttafuoco virus: only attacks minor files.

the arnold schwarzenegger virus: terminates some files, leaves, but will be back.

and last but not least ...

the lorena bobbitt virus: reformats your hard drive into a 3.5-inch floppy, then discards it through windows

Video:FDA Approves Spraying Meat with Viruses

fda approves spraying meat with viruses

fox news, sept. 12, 2006 originally a story from august 18, 2006, ap: fda approves viruses as food additive http://www.cnn.com/2006/us/08/18/edible.virus.ap/index.html

  • Votes 2.8542/5
  • Views 505
  • Comments 12
  • Date 9/15/2006
  • by PSX

Video:Cure for Feline AIDS Virus Found

cure for feline aids virus found

cat lovers around the world can begin rejoicing at the fact that they no longer will have to worry about their pets contracting the dreaded fiv virus.

scientists in south korea have announced they have found a cure for the feline fiv virus. the news came out this weekend from seoul, announcing that after billions of dollars in research on what seemed like a lost cause, that everything had finally paid off.

“the initial tests on mice were quite promising,” said jeffery wong, a lead researcher on the project. “we decided about six months ago to begin the initial tests on cats, and we are proud to say that the trials are over, and this vaccine is completely ready for use on all domesticated breeds of cat.”

the vaccine which can be given to kittens at six weeks old, will completely inoculate them from contracting the feline fiv virus. in cats presently carrying the aids virus it has shown in clinical trials to have a 85 percent success rate at eradicating the virus, and in those 85 percent their immune systems have rebuilt themselves to the same state as a healthy feline.

“we knew soon after the final stages of the clinical trials were over that we would need to have quite a supply of the vaccine, so we currently are sitting on about 4 million doses of it”, said marjorie quinn, of virginia based bio-tek laboratories. this is the company that will be producing and distributing the cure, starting in april of this year.

bio-tek was just one of the backers of the project, which began in 2002 after concerns that the feline fiv virus was reaching epidemic numbers among cats all over the world. all together just over 3 billion dollars has been invested in this project that has had scientist from over 13 countries working on it. the veterinarian drug business is a 55 billion dollar a year market. it is expected to grow considerably with the introduction of the feline fiv vaccine.

“this is such great news, to hear today”, said katie thomson, a journalist for the magazine, cat fancy. “i am elated at the idea that we (cat owners) will not have to worry about our fluffy companions contracting such a nasty and devastating disease.”

some critics of the amount of time and money put into this project cite the fact that there is still as of yet, no working cure or vaccine for the human hiv virus.

miss thomson replies to negative comments on the vaccine with, “well i cannot very well put a condom on mr. tittlebums and explain safe sex to him, so a cure is the only answer to the problem felines face. humans on the other hand have many options to avoid contracting the virus.”

the dharma project named after the cat of one of the researchers who died four years ago from feline aids, has been at the forefront in developing and testing new vaccines for pets. they gained national attention in 2002 when they produced the first cure for cancer in gerbils, hamsters, and guinea pigs. in 2003 they had found cures for leukemia in horses. in 2004 they announced vaccines for pancreatic cancer in dolphins, lung cancer in chimpanzees and marsupial flu. they are currently working on a version of the ru-486 abortion pill that will be for rabbits, and a cure for mad cow disease.

Video:Alex Jones - Live Avian Flu Virus Placed in Baxter Vaccine Materials

alex jones - live avian flu virus placed in baxter vaccine materials

alex jones predicted the 9/11 attacks. on his thursday show he said that he would be covering the most important news article he has ever covered. a mutated airborne version of the avian flu virus could have made it into the public in vaccines.

Video:Virus Crisis

virus crisis

in the last three decades, more then 30 mysterious, and sometimes deadly, diseases have emerged around the globe. learn how globalization has helped spur the world's virus crisis.

Video:Mac vs. Pc - Viruses

mac vs. pc - viruses

one of the original macintosh tv ads from apple. in this episode the pc's having a virus.

Video:Weird Al - Virus Alert

weird al - virus alert

weird al's hilarious video for "virus alert" from his newest album straight outta lynwood. animated and directed by david c. lovelace.

Video:Email Virus

email virus

if you receive an email from "register@spikedhumor.com", delete it immediately and definitely don't download the attachment.

i got another one from "webmaster@spikedhumor.com" which should also be deleted by anyone else who receives it.

spikedhumor does not send emails asking for your personal information or emails with attachments.

typically, one has the topic, "warning your email account will be closed" and the other with "your account is suspended".

Video:Computer Virus...

computer virus...

self explainatory. i wonder if people are stupid enough to buy one of these.

Video:Virus in Depth (Human Swine Flu)

virus in depth (human swine flu)

experts discuss human swine flu.

Video:Eagle Vs Shark PC Virus

eagle vs shark pc virus

jarrod finds out when the bully gets back.

Video:The Stupid Virus

the stupid virus

from: "supernews!" an animated sketch comedy series airing on current tv.

Video:Computer Virus List

computer virus list

watch out for these viruses. they could be very destructive to your computer: ellen degeneres virus - your ibm suddenly claims it's a mac titanic virus - makes your whole computer go down disney virus - everything in the computer goes goofy prozac virus - screws up your ram but your processor doesn't care woody allen virus - bypasses the motherboard and turns on a daughter card paris hilton virus - has no real function, but makes a pretty desktop oprah winfrey virus - your 200gb hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80gb, and then slowly expands to 300gb at&t virus - every 3 minutes it tells you what a great service you are getting mci virus - every 3 minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the at&t virus viagra virus - expands your hard drive while putting too much pressure on your zip

Video:New Viruses on the loose!

new viruses on the loose!

politically correct virus: never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism."
government economist virus: nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.
new world order virus: probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it.
federal bureaucrat virus: divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer.
texas virus: makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.
adam and eve virus: takes a couple of bytes out of your apple.
congressional virus: the computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.
airline virus: you're in dallas but your data is in singapore.
freudian virus: your computer becomes obsessed with marrying to its own motherboard.
public television virus: your programs stop every few minutes to ask for money.
elvis virus: your computer gets fat, slow and lazy, then self destructs only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural america.
nike virus: just does it.
congressional virus #2: runs every program on the hard drive simultaneously, but doesn't allow the user to accomplish anything.
star trek virus: invades your system in places where no virus has gone before.
health care virus: tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and sends you a bill for $4,500.

Video:The World’s Economic Viruses

the world’s economic viruses

government virus – nothing seems to get better, but all the elected officials say it’s getting better. political virus – doesn’t actually do anything, but you can’t get rid of it until the next election. econometrician virus – sixty percent of the economies infected will lose 17 percent of their gdp 12 percent of the time (+/- a 2% margin of error). marxian virus – helps your economy go into a depression whenever it wants to. environmental virus – before allowing you to fix the recession, it first asks you if you’ve considered the alternatives. chinese virus – crashes your economy, but denies it ever happened and calls you a liar. aig virus – makes sure it’s too big to fail, while crashing everything else. stimulus virus – puts your economy in a recession for four years. when you finally recover, you’re 10 trillion more dollars in debt.

Video:Deltron 3030 - Virus

deltron 3030 - virus

set in the year 3030, in a false utopian society. this story follows part of deltron zero's fight, with the help of the cantankerous captain aptos and skiznod the boy wonder, against an oppressive government and powerful corporations. in this chapter, society is at the brink of self-destruction, and his goal is to create a virus that will stop the computer systems that try to control the people.

Video:Anti-Virus Protection

anti-virus protection

99.9% effective.

Video:Richard Dawkin's The Virus of Faith: Religion Justifies Deplorable Actions

richard dawkin's the virus of faith: religion justifies deplorable actions

"only in a world with religion do you have good people doing evil things"

Video:Richard Dawkin's The Virus of Faith: The Paradox That's Liberal Christianity

richard dawkin's the virus of faith: the paradox that's liberal christianity

by what standards do we cherry-pick the bible?

Video:Beethoven Virus

beethoven virus

awesome song from pump it up, korea's answer to dance dance revolution.


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Entry Dates: 9/8/2007-9/14/2009

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